Blended Family College Tour

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are all the steps going? It should be the parents attending.

It should be the bill payers. Whoever they are. If steps are putting $ in (not $ by marital halfsies) and want to see if it's worth it, that's fair.

The point is to decide if it's the right place for the kid, not to coo over sweatshirts and ogle the grounds.

Admitted students day is for decision-making not parental nostalgia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Blended family, two sets of step parents. Kiddo is going to admitted students day 5 hours away. Plan was to accompany kiddo there and then split off into student/parent sessions. Now we find out the other set of parents are also attending. They already visited the school and this is our first time. Is it rude that we don't want to spend time together as a group? We rather do this without them... we think it's slightly embarrassing our 17 year old will have an entire cheering section there. We don't want to bow out because we've yet to see the school, but kiddo sees no issue with it so we dropped it.

When will it end? They're so overbearing.

Dropped what with whom? Were you complaining about them to your kid? No bueno.

Right? Why would you complain to the kid about their other set of parents being supportive?

Beacause OP is the stepmom and mad that actual mom is showing up and ruining her perfect blended family fantasy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stepmom here. You are rude that you aren’t recognizing these people at equally as related to the child as you and your spouse are. Tons of college kids have divorced parents. Big tent this situation more support for a kid can be a net positive if you let it.

To date, it hasn't been net positive. Kid is struggling to be independent and is struggling with maturity.

Maybe kid would be more independent if four people weren't helicoptering Admitted STUDENTS Day.

I missed this the first time. This commenter has a point.

Usually everything they tell you cam be looked up on the web.

[Anonymous]

What does the nearly-adult child want? Ask them.

When my dc had admitted students day, there were all sorts of family structures there (grandparents, ect) and no ones cares.

[Anonymous]

Are they really overbearing? Or do they just want to do what normal parents do, which is attending admitted students day? There is no rule that you have to divide up all the events and can never both be there. I would think they're trying to do what they think is normal.

And it's not Insecure, Territorial Stepmothers' Day. It's for the students and parents don't have to come at all.

[Anonymous]

Just wait until the summer orientations weekend when they separate the parents and students so that the students can pick their classes without their parents while the parents go to a lecture on how to support their student in the fall: Like, encourage them to pick three clubs/activities and commit to attend each at least three times - as this helps the student meet people and establish their own community away from home. They also encourage the student to stay on campus for the first six weeks and not come home and encourage the parents to also refrain from visiting in the first six weeks. Again, this fosters the student acclimating to their new environment as well as promote independence (which according to OP, this particular student needs more of).

[Anonymous]

Easy- stepparents don’t belong there. Only parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only the parents should be there, no steps. Frankly most tours etc only allow potential student and 1 parent.

no, they don’t

My kid's college limits the number of people for tours and for admitted students day. It is super popular and when we went for the registered tour her junior year it was so crowded (because people bring grandparents, siblings, etc) that they had run out of chairs for the initial part. The room held over 100 people. Was nuts. So yeah, many schools do limit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You'll get better advice if you stop being so coy. Are you the stepmother hating the bio mom and judging everyone else's parenting? Are you the bio mom hating the AP/new wife?

This is 100% the remarried Dad. Clues are weird use of "kiddo" and seeming baffled at kid's struggle with independence. He blames mom for that.

I'll also go out on limb and say he's intimidated by mom's new husband.

[Anonymous]

Other clue is referring to all the parents being a "cheering section", which he admits kid has no problem with. He doesn't see this from the kids' point of view, only his own. He wants "his time" with this kid, rather than recognizing it as the kids' moment and one that would benefit from the group sharing the goal of supporting the kid. He's not interested in being a team player with his ex.

(This is the profile of several of my good friends' exes. They're a type).

[Anonymous]

This is the time to start sucking it up and learn to be civil and spend time together. Dont make your kid do 2 separate HS graduation celebrations, navigate not hurting feelings when moving in to their dorm, 2 college graduation celebration, engagement parties, wedding activities, etc etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Other clue is referring to all the parents being a "cheering section", which he admits kid has no problem with. He doesn't see this from the kids' point of view, only his own. He wants "his time" with this kid, rather than recognizing it as the kids' moment and one that would benefit from the group sharing the goal of supporting the kid. He's not interested in being a team player with his ex.

(This is the profile of several of my good friends' exes. They're a type).

Hmm yeah I can see my ex being like this. But I can also see my stepmother being like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s embarrassing is your repeated use of “kiddo.”

Side comment:

I cringe when I hear parents refer to their kids as "kiddos" or even worse "littles". So glad my kids left the nest before these terms became popular.

However, it's usually used to refer to younger kids, certainly below High School. Calling a STB college Freshman "kiddo" is so embarrassing. Don't use that term during the college tour.

This is cracking me up. Kiddo was quite popular in the 70s. I definitely used it in recent years. But whatever, different strokes and all that. But I will agree that it sounds weird after middle school.

[Anonymous]

It’s crazy to have so many people go to an accepted students day. Is everyone going to go drop him off too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Easy- stepparents don’t belong there. Only parents

What if the stepparents have been in the kid's life since they were toddlers and essentially helped raise them. What if stepparents are footing the college expenses?