Best and Worst Extracurricular Activities for kids with ADHD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is controversial but it worked for us. My kid loved the classes at school, but not the practice. We encouraged but did not force the practice. Sometimes it happened and sometimes it didn’t.

When they got to middle school and started playing every day in class they got better and asked for private lessons. We obliged and yes continued them even when practice was sporadic. They have now played the instrument years and loves it. Has been in audition level honors ensembles and talks about maybe playing in college. Their music is a huge part of their life.

Music is SO good for kid’s brains, it seems silly to force them to quit lessons if they don’t play at home. The purpose of these activities is to learn something, but also to enjoy it! I say lay off on the practice requirements and let them enjoy their instrument—remind them regularly that practice will help them improve but don’t lose your mind if they don’t do it.

Again it’s not a popular opinion, but it worked for us and it might work for you.

OP here. I'm considering just letting her continue her music lessons without practicing. The issue is, her teacher will tell me how she did after each lesson, remind me that DD needs to have certain pieces memorized for recitals, suggest to me that DD should practice 20 minutes a day 3 times a week, and have us mark off each time a piece was practiced. Therefore, I feel responsible for ensuring the practicing gets done. DD is in elementary school so each practice session requires constant micromanaging from me the entire time. Which wouldn't be a big deal if she didn't have PDA (pathological demand avoidance), so most of the practice time is spent on us arguing about her just starting to do anything. Maybe I'll have a chat with her music teacher and let her know I'm going to stop forcing DD to practice.

Also, how do you expose your kid to many different activities when you have multiple kids? DD and her sibling are in different age groups for now, and thus can't be enrolled in the same things.

Okay, you and the music teacher clearly have different goals right now. Neither is wrong, but this is a bad fit for this stage. Switch teachers to someone who is more “any time spent practicing is great!” Our piano teacher let my kid play K-pop demon hunters for months because she was into it and would practice enough to get through the hard parts.

As for multiple kids, it’s hard! DH and I divide and conquer what we can, and I let kids take uber starting at 13. Plus carpools and, to be honest, few daily dinners because we aren’t all home between 5-8pm most nights.

Yes, this isn’t a SN issue but a teen life issue as your kids get older. Family dinners are rare on weeknights and we signed up/agreed to things when we could find a carpool or when the locations were convenient to work.

My son and friends also started Uber occasionally at 14 when we were in a pinch. Not DD.

But my kids both loved sports and we prioritized that for many years. They needed the constant activity.

We also made sure they got their permits asap when they were eligible and taught them to drive. This is another area where the ADHD hyper focus was helpful. One kid was SUPER motivated and having another driver asap was so helpful.

As for exposing them, we always took their lead and they did what they wanted, as long as we could get them there and not overbook too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is controversial but it worked for us. My kid loved the classes at school, but not the practice. We encouraged but did not force the practice. Sometimes it happened and sometimes it didn’t.

When they got to middle school and started playing every day in class they got better and asked for private lessons. We obliged and yes continued them even when practice was sporadic. They have now played the instrument years and loves it. Has been in audition level honors ensembles and talks about maybe playing in college. Their music is a huge part of their life.

Music is SO good for kid’s brains, it seems silly to force them to quit lessons if they don’t play at home. The purpose of these activities is to learn something, but also to enjoy it! I say lay off on the practice requirements and let them enjoy their instrument—remind them regularly that practice will help them improve but don’t lose your mind if they don’t do it.

Again it’s not a popular opinion, but it worked for us and it might work for you.

OP here. I'm considering just letting her continue her music lessons without practicing. The issue is, her teacher will tell me how she did after each lesson, remind me that DD needs to have certain pieces memorized for recitals, suggest to me that DD should practice 20 minutes a day 3 times a week, and have us mark off each time a piece was practiced. Therefore, I feel responsible for ensuring the practicing gets done. DD is in elementary school so each practice session requires constant micromanaging from me the entire time. Which wouldn't be a big deal if she didn't have PDA (pathological demand avoidance), so most of the practice time is spent on us arguing about her just starting to do anything. Maybe I'll have a chat with her music teacher and let her know I'm going to stop forcing DD to practice.

Also, how do you expose your kid to many different activities when you have multiple kids? DD and her sibling are in different age groups for now, and thus can't be enrolled in the same things.

Either get a new teacher or just tell the teacher the kid doesn't want to practice. YOu're paying for the lessons right? Do them on your terms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is controversial but it worked for us. My kid loved the classes at school, but not the practice. We encouraged but did not force the practice. Sometimes it happened and sometimes it didn’t.

When they got to middle school and started playing every day in class they got better and asked for private lessons. We obliged and yes continued them even when practice was sporadic. They have now played the instrument years and loves it. Has been in audition level honors ensembles and talks about maybe playing in college. Their music is a huge part of their life.

Music is SO good for kid’s brains, it seems silly to force them to quit lessons if they don’t play at home. The purpose of these activities is to learn something, but also to enjoy it! I say lay off on the practice requirements and let them enjoy their instrument—remind them regularly that practice will help them improve but don’t lose your mind if they don’t do it.

Again it’s not a popular opinion, but it worked for us and it might work for you.

OP here. I'm considering just letting her continue her music lessons without practicing. The issue is, her teacher will tell me how she did after each lesson, remind me that DD needs to have certain pieces memorized for recitals, suggest to me that DD should practice 20 minutes a day 3 times a week, and have us mark off each time a piece was practiced. Therefore, I feel responsible for ensuring the practicing gets done. DD is in elementary school so each practice session requires constant micromanaging from me the entire time. Which wouldn't be a big deal if she didn't have PDA (pathological demand avoidance), so most of the practice time is spent on us arguing about her just starting to do anything. Maybe I'll have a chat with her music teacher and let her know I'm going to stop forcing DD to practice.

Also, how do you expose your kid to many different activities when you have multiple kids? DD and her sibling are in different age groups for now, and thus can't be enrolled in the same things.

Okay, you and the music teacher clearly have different goals right now. Neither is wrong, but this is a bad fit for this stage. Switch teachers to someone who is more “any time spent practicing is great!” Our piano teacher let my kid play K-pop demon hunters for months because she was into it and would practice enough to get through the hard parts.

As for multiple kids, it’s hard! DH and I divide and conquer what we can, and I let kids take uber starting at 13. Plus carpools and, to be honest, few daily dinners because we aren’t all home between 5-8pm most nights.

+1 I played piano all through my childhood and teens. But I absolutely hated recitals. So, I stopped doing those in middle school and my teacher was fine with it. We played classical pieces but also Broadway and popular songs. Over time I played more because it was fun and just for me, not to perform for others. It became my stress relief in high school.

My DD, who has inattentive ADHD, has a similar relationship with art. She's taken occasional classes and camps, but will not exhibit or enter competitions or take classes at school. Art is just for her, she doesn't want to do it for others' eyes. She draws or paints for at least an hour every day and it helps her deal with the stress of living with inattentive ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is controversial but it worked for us. My kid loved the classes at school, but not the practice. We encouraged but did not force the practice. Sometimes it happened and sometimes it didn’t.

When they got to middle school and started playing every day in class they got better and asked for private lessons. We obliged and yes continued them even when practice was sporadic. They have now played the instrument years and loves it. Has been in audition level honors ensembles and talks about maybe playing in college. Their music is a huge part of their life.

Music is SO good for kid’s brains, it seems silly to force them to quit lessons if they don’t play at home. The purpose of these activities is to learn something, but also to enjoy it! I say lay off on the practice requirements and let them enjoy their instrument—remind them regularly that practice will help them improve but don’t lose your mind if they don’t do it.

Again it’s not a popular opinion, but it worked for us and it might work for you.

OP here. I'm considering just letting her continue her music lessons without practicing. The issue is, her teacher will tell me how she did after each lesson, remind me that DD needs to have certain pieces memorized for recitals, suggest to me that DD should practice 20 minutes a day 3 times a week, and have us mark off each time a piece was practiced. Therefore, I feel responsible for ensuring the practicing gets done. DD is in elementary school so each practice session requires constant micromanaging from me the entire time. Which wouldn't be a big deal if she didn't have PDA (pathological demand avoidance), so most of the practice time is spent on us arguing about her just starting to do anything. Maybe I'll have a chat with her music teacher and let her know I'm going to stop forcing DD to practice.

Also, how do you expose your kid to many different activities when you have multiple kids? DD and her sibling are in different age groups for now, and thus can't be enrolled in the same things.

Okay, you and the music teacher clearly have different goals right now. Neither is wrong, but this is a bad fit for this stage. Switch teachers to someone who is more “any time spent practicing is great!” Our piano teacher let my kid play K-pop demon hunters for months because she was into it and would practice enough to get through the hard parts.

As for multiple kids, it’s hard! DH and I divide and conquer what we can, and I let kids take uber starting at 13. Plus carpools and, to be honest, few daily dinners because we aren’t all home between 5-8pm most nights.

+1 I played piano all through my childhood and teens. But I absolutely hated recitals. So, I stopped doing those in middle school and my teacher was fine with it. We played classical pieces but also Broadway and popular songs. Over time I played more because it was fun and just for me, not to perform for others. It became my stress relief in high school.

My DD, who has inattentive ADHD, has a similar relationship with art. She's taken occasional classes and camps, but will not exhibit or enter competitions or take classes at school. Art is just for her, she doesn't want to do it for others' eyes. She draws or paints for at least an hour every day and it helps her deal with the stress of living with inattentive ADHD.

My goodness did this resonate with me. I have ADHD and was a fairly talented artist in high school. At some point it was explained to me that if I wanted to go to a school like RISD and focus on art, I needed to make some changes/prioritize it, etc, and it was then that I realized my strong visceral opposition to ever making a living from art. I just wanted it for myself. 30 years later, I still fully agree that was the right decision, and can’t believe I had that clarity about myself as a high schooler, especially given that I was otherwise a little bit of a mess at that age because of the undiagnosed ADHD.

[Anonymous]

My ADHD daughter loves dance/hip hop.
She is also a great swimmer-although we have to force her to go but after she’s done, she feels great. We were told it’s a great sport for adhd kids and the water is calming. She also does soccer but the coach basically screams at her the entire game that she’s standing in the wrong spot. So that’s not going that well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is controversial but it worked for us. My kid loved the classes at school, but not the practice. We encouraged but did not force the practice. Sometimes it happened and sometimes it didn’t.

When they got to middle school and started playing every day in class they got better and asked for private lessons. We obliged and yes continued them even when practice was sporadic. They have now played the instrument years and loves it. Has been in audition level honors ensembles and talks about maybe playing in college. Their music is a huge part of their life.

Music is SO good for kid’s brains, it seems silly to force them to quit lessons if they don’t play at home. The purpose of these activities is to learn something, but also to enjoy it! I say lay off on the practice requirements and let them enjoy their instrument—remind them regularly that practice will help them improve but don’t lose your mind if they don’t do it.

Again it’s not a popular opinion, but it worked for us and it might work for you.

OP here. I'm considering just letting her continue her music lessons without practicing. The issue is, her teacher will tell me how she did after each lesson, remind me that DD needs to have certain pieces memorized for recitals, suggest to me that DD should practice 20 minutes a day 3 times a week, and have us mark off each time a piece was practiced. Therefore, I feel responsible for ensuring the practicing gets done. DD is in elementary school so each practice session requires constant micromanaging from me the entire time. Which wouldn't be a big deal if she didn't have PDA (pathological demand avoidance), so most of the practice time is spent on us arguing about her just starting to do anything. Maybe I'll have a chat with her music teacher and let her know I'm going to stop forcing DD to practice.

Also, how do you expose your kid to many different activities when you have multiple kids? DD and her sibling are in different age groups for now, and thus can't be enrolled in the same things.

I think with what you have to deal with for practicing, it’s just too much. I would drop it because you’re going to need all that energy when the school works starts to pick up and more homework. It’s brutal. And my daughter is only in 5th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is controversial but it worked for us. My kid loved the classes at school, but not the practice. We encouraged but did not force the practice. Sometimes it happened and sometimes it didn’t.

When they got to middle school and started playing every day in class they got better and asked for private lessons. We obliged and yes continued them even when practice was sporadic. They have now played the instrument years and loves it. Has been in audition level honors ensembles and talks about maybe playing in college. Their music is a huge part of their life.

Music is SO good for kid’s brains, it seems silly to force them to quit lessons if they don’t play at home. The purpose of these activities is to learn something, but also to enjoy it! I say lay off on the practice requirements and let them enjoy their instrument—remind them regularly that practice will help them improve but don’t lose your mind if they don’t do it.

Again it’s not a popular opinion, but it worked for us and it might work for you.

OP here. I'm considering just letting her continue her music lessons without practicing. The issue is, her teacher will tell me how she did after each lesson, remind me that DD needs to have certain pieces memorized for recitals, suggest to me that DD should practice 20 minutes a day 3 times a week, and have us mark off each time a piece was practiced. Therefore, I feel responsible for ensuring the practicing gets done. DD is in elementary school so each practice session requires constant micromanaging from me the entire time. Which wouldn't be a big deal if she didn't have PDA (pathological demand avoidance), so most of the practice time is spent on us arguing about her just starting to do anything. Maybe I'll have a chat with her music teacher and let her know I'm going to stop forcing DD to practice.

Also, how do you expose your kid to many different activities when you have multiple kids? DD and her sibling are in different age groups for now, and thus can't be enrolled in the same things.

Okay, you and the music teacher clearly have different goals right now. Neither is wrong, but this is a bad fit for this stage. Switch teachers to someone who is more “any time spent practicing is great!” Our piano teacher let my kid play K-pop demon hunters for months because she was into it and would practice enough to get through the hard parts.

As for multiple kids, it’s hard! DH and I divide and conquer what we can, and I let kids take uber starting at 13. Plus carpools and, to be honest, few daily dinners because we aren’t all home between 5-8pm most nights.

Agree that this is not the right music teacher for you. We had a similar swim situation and my daughter likes the more laid back program so much more than the intense program she was in. And her swimming keeps getting better.

[Anonymous]

Mine did swimming but hated the meets. Too much free time between races with not much to do. She didn’t have friends doing it with her.
She loves basketball and soccer now, both are fast paced.
She wanted to learn the piano but the struggle with practice was the same as yours. I initially compromised on practicing the weeks song 2-3 times each day instead of X number of mins. That worked but then she started to get more into sports and dropped that

It’s hard without knowing your kids age but if she’s not willing to practice she doesn't get to “ refuse to give up lessons” You are the parent, I assume you are paying and getting her there. If the battle to practice is every day, she needs to stop doing it.

[Anonymous]

Swimming - there's something about the sensory feedback that is calming. I feel like every kid on my child's team has ADHD.