Help with text responses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to learn to be comfortable saying no to these people. They are too used to doing this and guilting people into helping them.

So for a few times, it should look like this:

Are you home?

Yeah, what’s up?

Can you watch Jackson for an hour so I can run and get my upper lip waxed?

I’m sorry, that won’t work for me.

Unless, of course, you actually want to help. But if you do this, they’ll know they can’t try that with you, because you don’t play the game.

OP here. I have no problem saying no and she doesn't get upset if I do...I just don't like playing this game to get to the question.

You just have to do it until they move on, unless you’re willing to have a talk with her and deal with any emotional immaturity she has at you “confronting” her. There is no changing these people without drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to learn to be comfortable saying no to these people. They are too used to doing this and guilting people into helping them.

So for a few times, it should look like this:

Are you home?

Yeah, what’s up?

Can you watch Jackson for an hour so I can run and get my upper lip waxed?

I’m sorry, that won’t work for me.

Unless, of course, you actually want to help. But if you do this, they’ll know they can’t try that with you, because you don’t play the game.

OP here. I have no problem saying no and she doesn't get upset if I do...I just don't like playing this game to get to the question.

PP you quoted here:

Then just cut to the chase:

Are you home?

I am. What do you need, Caroline?

[Anonymous]

She's trying (awkwardly) to show interest in you. To not make it all about her. That's all. I'd ignore those opening lines.

She's trying to maintain a relationship or strengthen a relationship. Since that is not what you want (which is ok) occasionally don't respond and severely lengthen the time before you respond. Do not respond to those opening lines. Do not say you are sorry to get back to her late. Don't lie and say you just saw this. Don't be disingenuous.

If it's help she needs and she's not being more insistent, she doesn't need the help, really, not much, not necessarily from you.

I hope she finds others who will enjoy conversing with her. It doesn't have to be you. You being bothered, though, means ideally this stops. She should not get the mistaken impression that you enjoy her company. That's not fair to her. She is owed respect to not be led on (not saying you are)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to learn to be comfortable saying no to these people. They are too used to doing this and guilting people into helping them.

So for a few times, it should look like this:

Are you home?

Yeah, what’s up?

Can you watch Jackson for an hour so I can run and get my upper lip waxed?

I’m sorry, that won’t work for me.

Unless, of course, you actually want to help. But if you do this, they’ll know they can’t try that with you, because you don’t play the game.

OP here. I have no problem saying no and she doesn't get upset if I do...I just don't like playing this game to get to the question.

PP you quoted here:

Then just cut to the chase:

Are you home?

I am. What do you need, Caroline?

She had just texted me when I posted this - I responded - I am home, whats up? She didn't answer for about 30 minutes then just answered and said oh its okay, I was just wondering if you were at home!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't respond immediately. Wait at least 30-60 minutes.

Yup.

Then

"Sorry I missed this. You ok?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to learn to be comfortable saying no to these people. They are too used to doing this and guilting people into helping them.

So for a few times, it should look like this:

Are you home?

Yeah, what’s up?

Can you watch Jackson for an hour so I can run and get my upper lip waxed?

I’m sorry, that won’t work for me.

Unless, of course, you actually want to help. But if you do this, they’ll know they can’t try that with you, because you don’t play the game.

OP here. I have no problem saying no and she doesn't get upset if I do...I just don't like playing this game to get to the question.

PP you quoted here:

Then just cut to the chase:

Are you home?

I am. What do you need, Caroline?

She had just texted me when I posted this - I responded - I am home, whats up? She didn't answer for about 30 minutes then just answered and said oh its okay, I was just wondering if you were at home!

That’s so weird!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to learn to be comfortable saying no to these people. They are too used to doing this and guilting people into helping them.

So for a few times, it should look like this:

Are you home?

Yeah, what’s up?

Can you watch Jackson for an hour so I can run and get my upper lip waxed?

I’m sorry, that won’t work for me.

Unless, of course, you actually want to help. But if you do this, they’ll know they can’t try that with you, because you don’t play the game.

OP here. I have no problem saying no and she doesn't get upset if I do...I just don't like playing this game to get to the question.

PP you quoted here:

Then just cut to the chase:

Are you home?

I am. What do you need, Caroline?

She had just texted me when I posted this - I responded - I am home, whats up? She didn't answer for about 30 minutes then just answered and said oh its okay, I was just wondering if you were at home!

That’s so weird!

Op here. She is trying to not ask too seem and seem needy. We eventually got to what she wanted. Took about 6 more texts back and forth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to learn to be comfortable saying no to these people. They are too used to doing this and guilting people into helping them.

So for a few times, it should look like this:

Are you home?

Yeah, what’s up?

Can you watch Jackson for an hour so I can run and get my upper lip waxed?

I’m sorry, that won’t work for me.

Unless, of course, you actually want to help. But if you do this, they’ll know they can’t try that with you, because you don’t play the game.

OP here. I have no problem saying no and she doesn't get upset if I do...I just don't like playing this game to get to the question.

PP you quoted here:

Then just cut to the chase:

Are you home?

I am. What do you need, Caroline?

She had just texted me when I posted this - I responded - I am home, whats up? She didn't answer for about 30 minutes then just answered and said oh its okay, I was just wondering if you were at home!

That’s so weird!

Op here. She is trying to not ask too seem and seem needy. We eventually got to what she wanted. Took about 6 more texts back and forth.

Does she only reach out when she wants something? Then you can tell that she should tell you right away! At least she's telling you after a few texts. I have an older relative who doesn't know what she wants and tries to engage... I can tell you it's much worse, as she tries to make me decide for her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to learn to be comfortable saying no to these people. They are too used to doing this and guilting people into helping them.

So for a few times, it should look like this:

Are you home?

Yeah, what’s up?

Can you watch Jackson for an hour so I can run and get my upper lip waxed?

I’m sorry, that won’t work for me.

Unless, of course, you actually want to help. But if you do this, they’ll know they can’t try that with you, because you don’t play the game.

OP here. I have no problem saying no and she doesn't get upset if I do...I just don't like playing this game to get to the question.

PP you quoted here:

Then just cut to the chase:

Are you home?

I am. What do you need, Caroline?

She had just texted me when I posted this - I responded - I am home, whats up? She didn't answer for about 30 minutes then just answered and said oh its okay, I was just wondering if you were at home!

That’s so weird!

Op here. She is trying to not ask too seem and seem needy. We eventually got to what she wanted. Took about 6 more texts back and forth.

Does she only reach out when she wants something? Then you can tell that she should tell you right away! At least she's telling you after a few texts. I have an older relative who doesn't know what she wants and tries to engage... I can tell you it's much worse, as she tries to make me decide for her!

PP from above, yeah, I agree. You’re going to have to have a blunt talk with her. Tell her you don’t have time for these games and won’t reply again if she can’t cut to the chase in the first text. It’s not up to HER to decide if she’s bothering you, and she’s free to ask, but she needs to do it immediately.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing this is either mother or MIL and they feel that they are on unsure footing. Want to connect but also don't want to intrude. If so, hard to blame them given that moms and MIL can't win on DCUM regardless of what they do. Too much. Too little. Not right. Not was I need. The list is endless.

[Anonymous]

This would annoy me. I probably would just not respond at all after a while. Or be very vague with one or two words. “Busy. You?”

[Anonymous]

Why did you keep going back and forth? When she says “oh nothing”, you don’t have to respond

[Anonymous]

Are you at home?No
Are you busy? Yes
Where are you now? At work/at the park with the kids
Are you free? No
What are your weekend plans? We are going on a trip

[Anonymous]

I think she just wants to talk to you and is stupid/old/socially awkward so that’s her way of making conversation.

My father is a little bit like that except he tells me random facts idk how to react to, or he asked me how I am after we’ve already talked about something that day. Literally discussed an issue and then he texts me a few hrs later how my day is.

It’s mildly irritating and I try to keep it short and stop responding at the first opportunity.
Some people have very poor social skills for a number of reasons

[Anonymous]

OP, what was the ask?
What did she need?