Help with text responses

[Anonymous]

I have an extended family member who always starts off text conversations with a question...

Are you at home?
Are you busy?
Where are you now?
Are you free?
What are your weekend plans?


You don't know what she wants until a few texts later. And by then she knows what you are doing / not doing. Sometimes I ask why but she doesn't answer the why right away. It is like she gets all the information she needs then asks for something. Or if you don't answer as needed / or are busy, she just never tells you what she needed or why she texted and the conversation just ends!

I am never sure how to answer the original questions. Sometimes I just ignore the question and say Hey! how are you? How's your day going? And she will answer then repeat the question. Often the request isn't anything major or it is something that works out fine and she is always fine if I say no but I just hate how the first question always puts me on guard as to what is coming next.

Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

I would say: A lot going on here. What do you need?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an extended family member who always starts off text conversations with a question...

Are you at home?
Are you busy?
Where are you now?
Are you free?
What are your weekend plans?


You don't know what she wants until a few texts later. And by then she knows what you are doing / not doing. Sometimes I ask why but she doesn't answer the why right away. It is like she gets all the information she needs then asks for something. Or if you don't answer as needed / or are busy, she just never tells you what she needed or why she texted and the conversation just ends!

I am never sure how to answer the original questions. Sometimes I just ignore the question and say Hey! how are you? How's your day going? And she will answer then repeat the question. Often the request isn't anything major or it is something that works out fine and she is always fine if I say no but I just hate how the first question always puts me on guard as to what is coming next.

So annoying. I reply with "What's up?" Then they need to get to the point.


Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

I don't have any strategy to offer but just wanted to say that I feel for you OP. Texts like that would really annoy me greatly. I think it is rude of your relative to do this.

[Anonymous]

Don't answer immediately. They might follow up with more details. Your first response should always be why do you ask, what's up, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an extended family member who always starts off text conversations with a question...

Are you at home?
Are you busy?
Where are you now?
Are you free?
What are your weekend plans?


You don't know what she wants until a few texts later. And by then she knows what you are doing / not doing. Sometimes I ask why but she doesn't answer the why right away. It is like she gets all the information she needs then asks for something. Or if you don't answer as needed / or are busy, she just never tells you what she needed or why she texted and the conversation just ends!

I am never sure how to answer the original questions. Sometimes I just ignore the question and say Hey! how are you? How's your day going? And she will answer then repeat the question. Often the request isn't anything major or it is something that works out fine and she is always fine if I say no but I just hate how the first question always puts me on guard as to what is coming next.

Any suggestions?

You need to be okay with that.

[Anonymous]

Did you need something?

[Anonymous]

I mean it sounds to me like they're sussing out whether they're bothering you or not. If you say you're busy and they leave you alone, that's good, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have any strategy to offer but just wanted to say that I feel for you OP. Texts like that would really annoy me greatly. I think it is rude of your relative to do this.

And responding with why or what do you need feels presumptious and rude too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean it sounds to me like they're sussing out whether they're bothering you or not. If you say you're busy and they leave you alone, that's good, right?

It's a very annoying way to do it. It implies that if you're not busy, or have no plans, you will have a hard time justifying not doing the favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean it sounds to me like they're sussing out whether they're bothering you or not. If you say you're busy and they leave you alone, that's good, right?

OP here. That is what she would say is her reason,that she doesn't want to be a bother and wants to be sure I am free before asking or even texting more. She thinks she is being considerate but it is like vague posting. And if I say I am busy but what's up, she will say never mind, or its okay, or don't worry about it or just not answer at all. Which also irks me! I have already texted you back, just spit it out! Or even better, just say what you need or want from the start!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean it sounds to me like they're sussing out whether they're bothering you or not. If you say you're busy and they leave you alone, that's good, right?

OP here. That is what she would say is her reason,that she doesn't want to be a bother and wants to be sure I am free before asking or even texting more. She thinks she is being considerate but it is like vague posting. And if I say I am busy but what's up, she will say never mind, or its okay, or don't worry about it or just not answer at all. Which also irks me! I have already texted you back, just spit it out! Or even better, just say what you need or want from the start!

Gosh. That's so annoying lol. I guess be vague back, like kind of busy, my plans for the weekend are pending, I'm home for just a little while. That way you can decide if you are too busy after she responds.

[Anonymous]

I HATE people like this! They are trying to remove the quick easy reasons for declining something the other person doesn’t want to do. They are banking on getting enough info to maneuver you into quickly agreeing to what they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean it sounds to me like they're sussing out whether they're bothering you or not. If you say you're busy and they leave you alone, that's good, right?

OP here. That is what she would say is her reason,that she doesn't want to be a bother and wants to be sure I am free before asking or even texting more. She thinks she is being considerate but it is like vague posting. And if I say I am busy but what's up, she will say never mind, or it's okay, or don't worry about it or just not answer at all. Which also irks me! I have already texted you back, just spit it out! Or even better, just say what you need or want from the start!

This is maddening. Can you tell her that you would appreciate her just asking what she wants/needs. Then you can determine if you can make it work.

Maybe when she asks, respond with your own vague response:
"Do you have anything going on this weekend?"
Just the usual. What's up? Or, What do you have going on this weekend? kind of thing.

[Anonymous]

Hi XXX. What’s up ?