Is having a crush on someone at work considered cheating?

[Anonymous]

Define crush. Your DH might have a different definition than you or me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thou shall not covet. You can think someone is cute, but don't engage with the thoughts too much.

This. It's normal to notice attractive people, but going out of your way to obsess/fantasize about them crosses a line.

It seems like some posters here are equating having a crush as obsessing and fantasizing about someone. That’s the definition of coveting, not having a crush.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. Everyone has eyes and encounters attractive people from time to time.

Encountering an attractive person isn't the same as spinning a narrative fantasy in your head about said person. You can see pretty people/things without wanting to fsck them, right?

Directing your sexuality outside of the bounds of your relationship is problematic for most people in monogamous relationships. The real test is easy: Did you tell your spouse the whole truth of it? Or are you hiding it from your partner? If the former, you're fine. The latter, you're cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am genuinely shocked at how many people think work crushes are wrong, considered cheating, etc.

I have them. Would have thought anyone with eyes and a functioning libido also gets them. Harmless if you don't act on them. I find them to be part of the fun of going to an office!

Gross

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. Everyone has eyes and encounters attractive people from time to time.

Encountering an attractive person isn't the same as spinning a narrative fantasy in your head about said person. You can see pretty people/things without wanting to fsck them, right?

Directing your sexuality outside of the bounds of your relationship is problematic for most people in monogamous relationships. The real test is easy: Did you tell your spouse the whole truth of it? Or are you hiding it from your partner? If the former, you're fine. The latter, you're cheating.

You’re speaking about an EA or emotional affair. There’s a gray area here. It’s not all black and white. Spouses can know the crush and truth and not be bothered by fantasy. The depth of the fantasy is more problematic. telling a spouse doesn’t always relieve anything at all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am genuinely shocked at how many people think work crushes are wrong, considered cheating, etc.

I have them. Would have thought anyone with eyes and a functioning libido also gets them. Harmless if you don't act on them. I find them to be part of the fun of going to an office!

Gross

+1

[Anonymous]

To me a crush is where you are sexually and emotionally entangled with another person you know - but only in your head. I do think it is problematic as it is quite possible to idealize those fantasies and compare them to reality.

I don't think I would call it cheating but if my husband's mental energy is going towards picturing himself having sex and being in a relationship with another person (and a real person he knows), that isn't okay with me.

And if he starts drawing hearts and writing Billy + Suzie on his notebooks, then it has really gone too far.

[Anonymous]

I also think it is a bit disrespectful to the crush that you are mentally undressing them and having sex with them and doing whatever. I get they don't know as its in your head but it still feels kind of disrespectful. I don't like thinking that the people I work with are doing that while I sit there working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also think it is a bit disrespectful to the crush that you are mentally undressing them and having sex with them and doing whatever. I get they don't know as its in your head but it still feels kind of disrespectful. I don't like thinking that the people I work with are doing that while I sit there working.

Also, if you're this invested in your "crush", they'll probably pick up on it. It feels really skeevy, even if it's still somewhat sublevel and not overt. Don't do that to people you work with. They've gotta be around you to work. Show some respect and keep your head in the game, not the clouds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. Everyone has eyes and encounters attractive people from time to time.

Encountering an attractive person isn't the same as spinning a narrative fantasy in your head about said person. You can see pretty people/things without wanting to fsck them, right?

Directing your sexuality outside of the bounds of your relationship is problematic for most people in monogamous relationships. The real test is easy: Did you tell your spouse the whole truth of it? Or are you hiding it from your partner? If the former, you're fine. The latter, you're cheating.

You’re speaking about an EA or emotional affair. There’s a gray area here. It’s not all black and white. Spouses can know the crush and truth and not be bothered by fantasy. The depth of the fantasy is more problematic. telling a spouse doesn’t always relieve anything at all

Nah, it's pretty straightforward. You're just splitting hairs to justify your bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

Your husband sounds like the thought police.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. Everyone has eyes and encounters attractive people from time to time.

Encountering an attractive person isn't the same as spinning a narrative fantasy in your head about said person. You can see pretty people/things without wanting to fsck them, right?

Directing your sexuality outside of the bounds of your relationship is problematic for most people in monogamous relationships. The real test is easy: Did you tell your spouse the whole truth of it? Or are you hiding it from your partner? If the former, you're fine. The latter, you're cheating.

You’re speaking about an EA or emotional affair. There’s a gray area here. It’s not all black and white. Spouses can know the crush and truth and not be bothered by fantasy. The depth of the fantasy is more problematic. telling a spouse doesn’t always relieve anything at all

Nah, it's pretty straightforward. You're just splitting hairs to justify your bad behavior.

That sounds like a projection on your part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am genuinely shocked at how many people think work crushes are wrong, considered cheating, etc.

I have them. Would have thought anyone with eyes and a functioning libido also gets them. Harmless if you don't act on them. I find them to be part of the fun of going to an office!

You can't take replies seriously here anymore they either come from incel trolls or religious right trolls

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me a crush is where you are sexually and emotionally entangled with another person you know - but only in your head. I do think it is problematic as it is quite possible to idealize those fantasies and compare them to reality.

I don't think I would call it cheating but if my husband's mental energy is going towards picturing himself having sex and being in a relationship with another person (and a real person he knows), that isn't okay with me.

And if he starts drawing hearts and writing Billy + Suzie on his notebooks, then it has really gone too far.

Some of you have weird definition of a crush. I think you're probably unhinged in general

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thou shall not covet. You can think someone is cute, but don't engage with the thoughts too much.

This. It's normal to notice attractive people, but going out of your way to obsess/fantasize about them crosses a line.

.that's not a crush though ,Michelle Duggar