Money missing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My kids still have some birthday gifts and Christmas gifts unopened lying around from prior year(s) and a few hundreds of amazon/store/restaurant giftcards (gifts) that they never want to use. I have donated some of them. Relatives love to give them gifts all the time. They are not materialistic kid, and they have more than enough toys and money than they need. I do not see the reason why they would need to take a few hundreds of cash from grandparents. I and DH do not think they lie. My home never lost any cash or giftcards. I do not know what happens here, frankly speaking.

Ok, if this is true, donate the unwanted items and gift cards. Are you a hoarder?

Enough trying to justify why it wasn’t one of the kids. It was one of the kids, likely the one who admitted to rifling through their drawers. It has nothing to do an inventory of your kids’ rooms.

I assume the grandparents are maybe in their late 50’s or 60s based on the grandchildren’s ages. Trying to claim dementia is a stretch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either it was stolen or a grandparent or grandparents have memory issues. People developing memory issues often accuse people of stealing from them because they lose track of possessions and it "seems logical."

First sign of dementia?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either it was stolen or a grandparent or grandparents have memory issues. People developing memory issues often accuse people of stealing from them because they lose track of possessions and it "seems logical."

The grandparents didn’t say anything to the children, they didn’t even ask if the children had seen some money they had misplaced. They handled it correctly and didn’t accuse anyone.

How hard is it to understand that the kids went through their drawers and one of them took it. It happens.

[Anonymous]

I can well believe that elementary schoolers might open drawers and rifle through them out of boredom, if they feel they're in a safe place with people they love.

But it doesn't sound like your kids would have any reason to steal... especially given the fact that nothing has ever been stolen from your house, where they actually live!

I'd be more inclined to believe that the grandparents misplaced the money themselves, or forgot they already spent it, or got it stolen by a housekeeper.

I'm sorry this is creating such unspoken bad blood between generations. I think you kid needs to apologize for opening the drawers, and you all need to reiterate to the grandparents that you have not found the money and that the children continue to deny they took it. Beyond that, you can't do anything else.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws once accused our children of stealing Christmas ornaments. I packed their bags so know nothing did was in there. They were like four and six at the time….As if they just wanted Christmas ornaments so bad they hid them somewhere. The whole thing was bizarre, but I feel sort of tainted the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Maybe grandparents have Alzheimer’s disease if kids weren’t lying. My grandparents were always complained one of their daughters and son in law were stealing their money from banks and property, assets etc, for many years, and it turned out the daughter and her husband were innocent, and the daughter was the only children actually took care of them daily until the end. I visited my grandparents and my wallet ( with a lot of cash) was missing, it turned out my grandpa wanted to keep it at a secure place for me, but totally forgot about it and told me the contractor stole it. It was embarrassing when we asked the contractor in regard, then found out everything’s in my grandpa’s drawer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can well believe that elementary schoolers might open drawers and rifle through them out of boredom, if they feel they're in a safe place with people they love.

But it doesn't sound like your kids would have any reason to steal... especially given the fact that nothing has ever been stolen from your house, where they actually live!

I'd be more inclined to believe that the grandparents misplaced the money themselves, or forgot they already spent it, or got it stolen by a housekeeper.

I'm sorry this is creating such unspoken bad blood between generations. I think you kid needs to apologize for opening the drawers, and you all need to reiterate to the grandparents that you have not found the money and that the children continue to deny they took it. Beyond that, you can't do anything else.

An elementary schooler doesn't steal because he can't afford a crust of bread, he steals because he has poor impulse control and it's a boundary to test. The one who "opened some drawers just to see" stole the money. As to your 2nd point, OP has no idea if her kids steal from her because she doesn't know what's in their rooms and has an "everything in the house belongs to them anyway" attitude (see: "my kids are rich").

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid stole and the one who admitted to opening the drawers is likely the culprit.

I would return the amount stolen and make bkth biys cover it.

I remember learning lessons as a kid such as don't touch other people's wallets, purses etc because if something comes up missing you will be the first person they blame. Why was he in their drawers? Teach your kids some boundaries.

I feel like this is one of those things that you don’t know you have to teach a kid until they’ve done it. I’ve never talked to my kids about not opening drawers at other peoples houses. It would never occur to me that that’s something they would do. I’ve talked to them generally about not touching things that aren’t theirs, I guess hopefully they’ll apply that to multiple situations. But they’ve certainly both surprised me with things that they’ve done because they didn’t apply specific lessons in a different context, or because they did something that I never thought of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid stole and the one who admitted to opening the drawers is likely the culprit.

I would return the amount stolen and make bkth biys cover it.

I remember learning lessons as a kid such as don't touch other people's wallets, purses etc because if something comes up missing you will be the first person they blame. Why was he in their drawers? Teach your kids some boundaries.

I feel like this is one of those things that you don’t know you have to teach a kid until they’ve done it. I’ve never talked to my kids about not opening drawers at other peoples houses. It would never occur to me that that’s something they would do. I’ve talked to them generally about not touching things that aren’t theirs, I guess hopefully they’ll apply that to multiple situations. But they’ve certainly both surprised me with things that they’ve done because they didn’t apply specific lessons in a different context, or because they did something that I never thought of.

I always have to remind mine to say thank you and please, all that. But they’ve used good judgment on how to act depending on who they are with. They have a very casual grandma and two grandparents who are a little stuffy. They love them all equally but they would never even go into their grandparents bedroom but are fine going into the grandma’s bedroom. They knew how to read a room very early on.

[Anonymous]

Troll post

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My kids still have some birthday gifts and Christmas gifts unopened lying around from prior year(s) and a few hundreds of amazon/store/restaurant giftcards (gifts) that they never want to use. I have donated some of them. Relatives love to give them gifts all the time. They are not materialistic kid, and they have more than enough toys and money than they need. I do not see the reason why they would need to take a few hundreds of cash from grandparents. I and DH do not think they lie. My home never lost any cash or giftcards. I do not know what happens here, frankly speaking.

I mean it looks like they must be materialistic since they stole cash from a relative even though they seem to be spoiled enough already with gifts and cash.

Have you considered the idea that giving kids lots of gifts and cash might lead them to value material wealth above personal integrity? Or that if money comes so easily to them that they now have a need for the excitement or even entitlement that comes with stealing?

[Anonymous]

My brother used to steal like this. Watches and cash. He was never blamed. It was always doddering grandparents or sloppy teachers or me (the sibling) being messy and disorganized. No one wanted to believe that he was stealing from people he knew and right under their noses.

Well, gradually he started to get caught, but my mom always had an excuse for him. The teacher’s watch on her desk looked like it was close to the dress-up area and he didn’t realize, my cash in my Hello Kitty Velcro wallet looked just like his cash, etc.

Growing up my parents made fun of me for being a spendthrift, being messy, etc. I wasn’t. When was 25 or so my brother confessed that every time I got birthday money he took it. It became hundreds if not thousands of dollars and he used his “savings” for taking girlfriends out, buying his first used car, etc. I wonder who I would have been if I’d had that $1000 or $1200 along the way during my tween and adolescent years. Instead I felt poor and dumb and flakey.

The cash is in the kid’s room, OP. Count out the equivalent amount from the rest of this kid’s stash, return it to the grandparents, and lock everything else down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid opened drawers in their grandparents house?

Why????

Something doesn't make sense here.

I thought this too!! Rule #1 of any sleepover adult and sibling’s rooms are completely off limits! I don’t allow my kids in the study or in my bedroom without me. I just don’t. So if my parents said this, honestly, I’d worry about their health and state of mind. I’d probably ask more follow up questions about them before I even approached my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid opened drawers in their grandparents house?

Why????

Something doesn't make sense here.

+1

Really weird the kid admitted to opening drawers but nothing else. He’s probably the thief.

And your kids might be financially rich but they are not morally rich.

Draw opener is breadcrumbing.

[Anonymous]

I actually think it’s totally plausible kids opened some drawers in the room they were sleeping in out of curiosity and nothing worse. I’m surprised that people are treating this as a cardinal sin or suggesting that it’s evidence they were stealing.

Grandparents may have seen drawers open and assumed something was taken or misremembered or, as others have suggested, early dementia.

How old are these ES kids? My young ES kid wouldn’t even really understand a few $100 vs a few $$.