Moms Night Dilemma

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That seems weird, it's a mom's group, not a church mom's group. If you don't want to go, don't go. If you miss some of the moms, invite them over for dessert some night.

I think it is a church mom’s group.

[Anonymous]

Church people are so weird. Do people really only consider someone a friend if you sit next to them once a week or something? You cannot maintain friendships with people who pray in a different building than you? So bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone. To answer some questions from the thread:

We left the church because we don't like the pastor or the Sunday school director. Unfortunately, the Sunday school director is one of the people in the mom group who I don't really want to see - she's high drama aside from the professional disagreements we had with the way she ran the Sunday school. The pastor is wholly uninspiring and self-absorbed. He's not preaching anything hateful, but he's not really speaking to the moment either.

It was hard to leave because we really do like most of the people in the congregation. But we really wanted something more inspiring, especially for our kids, so they get the sense that our religion should be an active part of how they interact with the world, something that pushes them to help others and do good. Our new church has a more proactive pastor who preaches about the issues of the day without sound "preachy" and our kids' experience in Sunday school is lightyears better. We're happier religiously, but the social life of the new place is slower. I've tried inviting some moms at the new place over, but haven't been successful yet. People seem to have busier lives and established friend groups already (probably also a function of trying to make friends when our kids are all a little older). It does make me miss how social our old place was, even with all of its other faults.

I don't really want to share the reasons we left with the people who are still there, because I don't want to disparage it when they are all still happy there (or happy enough not to leave). I left the group chat about the get togethers and will continue to just be in touch with the people I want to see.

[Anonymous]

I think you are really overthinking this. My friends from book club, marriage group, etc have all been told that we moved for a better youth group fit and that I am happy to be at a church that has a more local, social justice mission where I think I can find slots to volunteer more easily.

No one is mad at me about it. I mean, sure, I wouldn’t say to the lady that ran Sunday school, “we hated the Sunday school.” But you can certainly say you were looking for a pastor that aligned better with what you were looking for to speak to the moment.

But if you really hate the Sunday school and a dinner at the same table as her would be hard, then don’t go. But you may be losing opportunities to connect with the women you really like. There is one woman in our book club who is challenging for me to be around. But I’m not dropping the club because of her. I just focus on the other 6-8 people there that I’m really happy to see.

Most people really don’t care why you change churches. My close friends know that there are some specific things to why we left and they are happy I’ve found a good fit. The people I enjoy seeking but are not “my BFFs” don’t have as much detail, but are still happy we are happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are really overthinking this. My friends from book club, marriage group, etc have all been told that we moved for a better youth group fit and that I am happy to be at a church that has a more local, social justice mission where I think I can find slots to volunteer more easily.

No one is mad at me about it. I mean, sure, I wouldn’t say to the lady that ran Sunday school, “we hated the Sunday school.” But you can certainly say you were looking for a pastor that aligned better with what you were looking for to speak to the moment.

But if you really hate the Sunday school and a dinner at the same table as her would be hard, then don’t go. But you may be losing opportunities to connect with the women you really like. There is one woman in our book club who is challenging for me to be around. But I’m not dropping the club because of her. I just focus on the other 6-8 people there that I’m really happy to see.

Most people really don’t care why you change churches. My close friends know that there are some specific things to why we left and they are happy I’ve found a good fit. The people I enjoy seeking but are not “my BFFs” don’t have as much detail, but are still happy we are happy.

This. People move churches all the time and this is just not a super controversial reason. It doesn’t matter if you don’t go to the same church anymore. They invited you; you want mom friends. They are welcoming you. You have easy relationships with a bunch of them. You’re all religious, even if you now sit in a different church on Sunday. You’re making life more complicated than it needs to be based on your unsubstantiated perceptions of their feelings about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. To answer some questions from the thread:

We left the church because we don't like the pastor or the Sunday school director. Unfortunately, the Sunday school director is one of the people in the mom group who I don't really want to see - she's high drama aside from the professional disagreements we had with the way she ran the Sunday school. The pastor is wholly uninspiring and self-absorbed. He's not preaching anything hateful, but he's not really speaking to the moment either.

It was hard to leave because we really do like most of the people in the congregation. But we really wanted something more inspiring, especially for our kids, so they get the sense that our religion should be an active part of how they interact with the world, something that pushes them to help others and do good. Our new church has a more proactive pastor who preaches about the issues of the day without sound "preachy" and our kids' experience in Sunday school is lightyears better. We're happier religiously, but the social life of the new place is slower. I've tried inviting some moms at the new place over, but haven't been successful yet. People seem to have busier lives and established friend groups already (probably also a function of trying to make friends when our kids are all a little older). It does make me miss how social our old place was, even with all of its other faults.

I don't really want to share the reasons we left with the people who are still there, because I don't want to disparage it when they are all still happy there (or happy enough not to leave). I left the group chat about the get togethers and will continue to just be in touch with the people I want to see.

I posted that this was like putting your dog down and hanging with the group from the dog park. I thought you left your religion.
You are just going to service at a different place? This seems more like taking your dog on a different route for walks.
Is this even a big deal? Why would anyone else even care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. To answer some questions from the thread:

We left the church because we don't like the pastor or the Sunday school director. Unfortunately, the Sunday school director is one of the people in the mom group who I don't really want to see - she's high drama aside from the professional disagreements we had with the way she ran the Sunday school. The pastor is wholly uninspiring and self-absorbed. He's not preaching anything hateful, but he's not really speaking to the moment either.

It was hard to leave because we really do like most of the people in the congregation. But we really wanted something more inspiring, especially for our kids, so they get the sense that our religion should be an active part of how they interact with the world, something that pushes them to help others and do good. Our new church has a more proactive pastor who preaches about the issues of the day without sound "preachy" and our kids' experience in Sunday school is lightyears better. We're happier religiously, but the social life of the new place is slower. I've tried inviting some moms at the new place over, but haven't been successful yet. People seem to have busier lives and established friend groups already (probably also a function of trying to make friends when our kids are all a little older). It does make me miss how social our old place was, even with all of its other faults.

I don't really want to share the reasons we left with the people who are still there, because I don't want to disparage it when they are all still happy there (or happy enough not to leave). I left the group chat about the get togethers and will continue to just be in touch with the people I want to see.

Op, I hear you. We switched churches about a year ago to another one about 2 miles from the first one. We left for similar reasons - Sunday school was mostly arts and crafts and I wanted something more focused on the religion and I was not feeling very inspired by the homily/pastor. We are very happy with our new church and I feel like my faith and my kids faith is being nurtured, so it was definitely the right decision.

I was decent friends with another mom, and our kids go to school together. I didn’t want to complain about the church to her, so don’t really discuss why we left/leaving, just started attending the other church. After she realized we really had switched, she basically stopped being friendly. She isn’t rude, but her tone definitely shifted. She definitely stopped inviting my child for play dates. I think that some people feel an implied criticism when you switch churches, even though practicing faith is such a personal choice.

I don’t have any answers for you, just wanted to say that I am sorry your new church is tough to connect with families. I