Venting about over gifting

[Anonymous]

My mom gives me $1000 for family of 5. I usually spend 250$ per child and 250$ on a couples gift. Now the DC are teens they know realize Santa is real- just not who they thought it was.

[Anonymous]

I balance this by not getting my kids any Christmas gifts at all, and just fund their 529. Other people buy so many gifts, they don’t need any more from us, nor will they appreciate the overload.

We also make sure the kids write thank you notes for each person who gifted them something.

But we do not complain and ask grandparents to get less. It makes them happy, makes the kids happy, it’s not a big deal to return or donate as needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hear me out. It may be a millennial parenting trope by now to complain about grandparents over gifting but I REALLY don’t remember this to be a thing when I was growing up at least.

We are so fortunate to have two sets of grandparents who adore our children. We are even lucky that they somewhat adhere to our wishes for gifts for our toddlers - experience gifts, etc. But even with our pleading to keep just to that, or to provide minimal other items so the kids can unwrap something, they inevitably can’t help themselves from buying loads of cheap plastic crap as gifts. I can’t handle the volume and I resent it, because now it’s on me to find room for it and eventually donate it. I’m also annoyed that my MIL gets more presents than we or Santa does for our kids and uncomfortable with how much they are spending. Our kids want for nothing, our planet doesn’t need more crap in a landfill and Bezos doesn’t need more money!

Rant over.

How old are you? My oldest kid is approaching 40, and I had this same problem when my kids were little. The grandparents just couldn’t resist all that cheap plastic stuff for the kids to unwrap. That stuff does tend to break easily, which disappoints the kids, but it allows you to get rid of it.

I eventually realized that our parents were just so excited about our kids and loved them so much that this was just how they showed their love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents do this too. Complain about cheap stuff from China but then only buy massive amounts of it. I’ve done a few things that help:

-pointing out that sometimes the brand name is better and the cheap stuff frustrates kids or isn’t compatible with the brand name stuff.
-requesting specific items: “this magnet tile set because it has all the trucks he wants and connects to duplo blocks” rather than “magnet tiles”
-asking for bigger ticket items so they spend more on one good gift than a ton on cheap gifts
-remembering gifting is as much for them as the kids so keeping it in perspective that letting them give my kids tons of stuff makes them happy as well as my kids

Our situation has evolved to something like described above. I also stopped being all modest like "oh we don't need much, let's keep it simple" or dropping passive hints. Instead, I chose a very direct route. I sent a wish list to all the generous and offending family members, and they decided among themselves what they were attracted to. Some items had specific product links or suggested stores. Some were more like category that I left open for them to get creative or decide. Some had a line or two of story about why my kids would love that. Majority of gifts this year came from the list, and while I wish we had gift receipts for the few amazon crap we got (off-list...), it was all around a better experience.

To be honest, I spent more time than I expected curating the wish list to what I know my kids will enjoy or have been asking for, what won't drive my DH and I crazy, and include a little something that'd be attractive to each personality and interests in our group of enthusiastic givers.

A lot of times the gift-giving is *more* for the gift-giver. And the internet makes it SOOOOO easy for people to do it—they'll look at just one thing, and then be bombarded for weeks on weeks about the "must-have" kids' gifts. But as much as it makes them happy, I don't think we are obligated to live with the deluge and privately stress out over the waste. Everyone's family situation is different of course, but the way I see it, if it makes you happy to spend cash on us, let me be your guide as my gift to you. That extra curated wishlist labor was fun for me, even. No regrets.

Oh actually a regret is maybe not making a wishlist for myself. LOL. After all the fret over kids and a lonnnng ass year, this mom would have certainly smiled at a fit-for-me gift ... not whatever latest social media craze. A mission for another day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it helps to give “categories” or “themes” for grandparent gifts.

For example, having tons of Lego sets bothered me less than tons of random toys even if it’s all plastic. So, that’s my advice, think of the things that your kids like most and redirect the grandparents to that one category. Pokemon figures are another theme that lasted for a long time. This works because like legos, the figures are expensive and mentally don’t feel like clutter.

I'm a grandparent. The parents know what they are planning to give children from themselves and what gets labeled Santa. Parents chose what we bought and everything was a theme or category. We had our time as parents of young children and that torch is passed so the parents take the lead on the holiday. That works best since it follows what the children want and there are so many other people who give randomly chosen gifts.

Big $ gifts for GC from us are the 529s.

For people who get massive piles of random stuff how large were the unwrapped piles? 2 feet by 2 feet high for each kid?

[Anonymous]

All I can say is the toy years go by quickly and this will end. We are in the $ years now

[Anonymous]

I throw stuff in the trash the week after Christmas if it's already unboxed and torn up and a million pieces that my kids can't keep up with and don't seem interested in. It's overwhelming for them, too.

I also told my mom this year that when we were growing up, one or two wrapped gifts would arrive in the mail from relatives, and that's it. Now people send tons of stuff from Amazon that I have to unbox, follow up with to see who it's from and who it's for, and then wrap. I told her it's my holiday too and sometimes the stuff goes to Goodwill or the trash, and that the kids can't even play they are so overwhelmed with it all. It's not my job to find a place in my home for every freakin plastic piece of junk that comes from Amazon.

She looked shocked but even she couldn't deny I am right. I think next year will finally be different!

[Anonymous]

Same. The amount of plastic crap destined for a landfill stresses me out.

[Anonymous]

After mil goes homes take all the presents ask the kids to pick two
Put the rest somewhere else then pull them out in snow days or sick days

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I throw stuff in the trash the week after Christmas if it's already unboxed and torn up and a million pieces that my kids can't keep up with and don't seem interested in. It's overwhelming for them, too.

I also told my mom this year that when we were growing up, one or two wrapped gifts would arrive in the mail from relatives, and that's it. Now people send tons of stuff from Amazon that I have to unbox, follow up with to see who it's from and who it's for, and then wrap. I told her it's my holiday too and sometimes the stuff goes to Goodwill or the trash, and that the kids can't even play they are so overwhelmed with it all. It's not my job to find a place in my home for every freakin plastic piece of junk that comes from Amazon.

She looked shocked but even she couldn't deny I am right. I think next year will finally be different!

100% I've noticed it's overwhelming for the kids. They're just asking questions about one toy, but another item is demanding a reaction and attention and on and on. It's a lot.

[Anonymous]

I can’t stand it either. My MIL just wants to give the most amount of cheap gifts. Example- I've shared with her a line of crafts that are made by a small company that we love. Well, instead she found a Chinese counterfeit version of this woman’s products for less on Amazon and bought many instead of just one from the legitimate company’s website.

I can’t bear getting gifted cheap polyester bedding or clothing, especially when I carefully select more sustainable options for us. I don’t expect anyone to buy specific organic clothing, I just wish they would respect that we DON’T want or need any polyester pajamas etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t stand it either. My MIL just wants to give the most amount of cheap gifts. Example- I've shared with her a line of crafts that are made by a small company that we love. Well, instead she found a Chinese counterfeit version of this woman’s products for less on Amazon and bought many instead of just one from the legitimate company’s website.

I can’t bear getting gifted cheap polyester bedding or clothing, especially when I carefully select more sustainable options for us. I don’t expect anyone to buy specific organic clothing, I just wish they would respect that we DON’T want or need any polyester pajamas etc.

I'm the wooden toy and organic clothing poster. Maybe I'm a little autistic and weird, but there are many types of polyester I cannot bear on my skin. I buy as little of it as we can get away with and I am not afraid of telling people not to buy them as gifts. Kids are now adults and teens, and my relatives and friends have mostly complied over the years

Stuff that you can get on the internet from China and other countries with poor regulatory practices just isn't safe. We come from a western European country, where just before Christmas, some government agency pulled tons of Chinese crap out of the postal sorting service because they did not comply with EU safety regulations. The US is also a little lax on safety regulations.

[Anonymous]

"A lot of times the gift-giving is *more* for the gift-giver."

Agree with this person's comment. Gift giving is not my love language (giving or receiving) but for a lot of people it is. I also think a lot of women in particular bond over shopping at those fun discount stores (I did growing up with aunts and grandmothers) and buy a ton of stuff for sport for people in their life. When, uh, we don't actually wnat it. Then there's not having enough growing up. And buying a lot of cheap stuff - or not throwing away - to make up for it.

I'm dealing with too many gifts from grandparenta. It's hard. One set gives more than the other and the child seemingly loves them more as a result which I find depressing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I throw stuff in the trash the week after Christmas if it's already unboxed and torn up and a million pieces that my kids can't keep up with and don't seem interested in. It's overwhelming for them, too.

I also told my mom this year that when we were growing up, one or two wrapped gifts would arrive in the mail from relatives, and that's it. Now people send tons of stuff from Amazon that I have to unbox, follow up with to see who it's from and who it's for, and then wrap. I told her it's my holiday too and sometimes the stuff goes to Goodwill or the trash, and that the kids can't even play they are so overwhelmed with it all. It's not my job to find a place in my home for every freakin plastic piece of junk that comes from Amazon.

She looked shocked but even she couldn't deny I am right. I think next year will finally be different!

Are you raising a family of raccoons?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I throw stuff in the trash the week after Christmas if it's already unboxed and torn up and a million pieces that my kids can't keep up with and don't seem interested in. It's overwhelming for them, too.

I also told my mom this year that when we were growing up, one or two wrapped gifts would arrive in the mail from relatives, and that's it. Now people send tons of stuff from Amazon that I have to unbox, follow up with to see who it's from and who it's for, and then wrap. I told her it's my holiday too and sometimes the stuff goes to Goodwill or the trash, and that the kids can't even play they are so overwhelmed with it all. It's not my job to find a place in my home for every freakin plastic piece of junk that comes from Amazon.

She looked shocked but even she couldn't deny I am right. I think next year will finally be different!

Are you raising a family of raccoons?

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