Kicked out of preschool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has your son been in daycare since infancy? Sometimes this can contribute to attachment issues and problems with emotional regulation. A psychodynamic therapist, spending more time with him, and if you absolutely require care, a nurturing nanny, are steps worth considering if this is the situation. I hope good things for you and your child.

Oh shut up.

[Anonymous]

As a former preschool director, I'd stay the HECK away from the corporates - Bright Horizons, KinderCare, La Petite, Celebree, Kiddie Academy, and all the rest.

I'd start with the other ones listed, but if they are full, then you can see if you can find a smaller class size program where the teachers have lots of experience, where they understand that children can get overwhelmed, and overstimulated, which is what often creates the "aggression."

[Anonymous]

As you wait for an evaluation, I’d recommend this place for therapy (and the theraschool there is an option). https://thefloortimecenter.com/theraschool/

Floortime is great in the preschool age- I’d look into the Thera school and OT there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Watch supernanny. If you haven't watched it a British nanny goes and works with families who have out of control kids.

Seems like a crazy suggestion but I sat down and watched episodes of Supernanny that had preschoolers and got some great strategies. I realized I wasn't being consistent

Then I sat and watched clips with my son. Watching other kids who were out of control while he was calmly watching was really interesting. It was like something clicked.

Obviously it wasn't a quick fix but gave me some great strategies.

Do they make supernanny for teens? lol.

OP you have gotten good advise. In our case it helped a lot to switch to a very low key understanding program that he did half day, then a nanny for the rest of the day. Went from constant reports of aggression to fine. The aggression did not go away permanently but the type of program made a huge difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has your son been in daycare since infancy? Sometimes this can contribute to attachment issues and problems with emotional regulation. A psychodynamic therapist, spending more time with him, and if you absolutely require care, a nurturing nanny, are steps worth considering if this is the situation. I hope good things for you and your child.

Go away, troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked that your preschool didn't recommend Child Find or the equivalent in your location. That's shocking.

+1

Our preschool basically held our hand through the child find process and let our DS stay for about ~2 months until we could get him placed in a county sped pre k classroom.

Also to give OP a glimmer of hope — my DS is now in a mainstream 3rd grade class and doing great. He still received IEP services to help with emotional regulation, but we have come SO far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has your son been in daycare since infancy? Sometimes this can contribute to attachment issues and problems with emotional regulation. A psychodynamic therapist, spending more time with him, and if you absolutely require care, a nurturing nanny, are steps worth considering if this is the situation. I hope good things for you and your child.

If OP’s son has a disability, which may be quite likely, there’s no “nurturing nanny” that is going to make a difference. The thing that made a difference for my ADHD child was a structured preschool classroom with trained sped teachers.

Also, my other kid who was in daycare since 7 months is now a well adjusted, gifted, popular athletic kid who is loved by his teachers. Neurodivergence isn’t about “attachment issues” and also daycare isn’t going to contribute unless you’re talking about a child who has been through trauma and struggles with new caregivers/group settings or the daycare itself is somehow neglectful.

Stop trying to shame people into believing their child’s special needs/behavioral issues are because of their childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your son been in daycare since infancy? Sometimes this can contribute to attachment issues and problems with emotional regulation. A psychodynamic therapist, spending more time with him, and if you absolutely require care, a nurturing nanny, are steps worth considering if this is the situation. I hope good things for you and your child.

If OP’s son has a disability, which may be quite likely, there’s no “nurturing nanny” that is going to make a difference. The thing that made a difference for my ADHD child was a structured preschool classroom with trained sped teachers.

Also, my other kid who was in daycare since 7 months is now a well adjusted, gifted, popular athletic kid who is loved by his teachers. Neurodivergence isn’t about “attachment issues” and also daycare isn’t going to contribute unless you’re talking about a child who has been through trauma and struggles with new caregivers/group settings or the daycare itself is somehow neglectful.

Stop trying to shame people into believing their child’s special needs/behavioral issues are because of their childcare.

It can be due to parenting though even though parents don’t like to admit it.

[Anonymous]

Guys just ignore the blatant troll. She loves saying ridiculous things and watching people get angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your son been in daycare since infancy? Sometimes this can contribute to attachment issues and problems with emotional regulation. A psychodynamic therapist, spending more time with him, and if you absolutely require care, a nurturing nanny, are steps worth considering if this is the situation. I hope good things for you and your child.

If OP’s son has a disability, which may be quite likely, there’s no “nurturing nanny” that is going to make a difference. The thing that made a difference for my ADHD child was a structured preschool classroom with trained sped teachers.

Also, my other kid who was in daycare since 7 months is now a well adjusted, gifted, popular athletic kid who is loved by his teachers. Neurodivergence isn’t about “attachment issues” and also daycare isn’t going to contribute unless you’re talking about a child who has been through trauma and struggles with new caregivers/group settings or the daycare itself is somehow neglectful.

Stop trying to shame people into believing their child’s special needs/behavioral issues are because of their childcare.

It can be due to parenting though even though parents don’t like to admit it.

That’s why I said to watch super nanny. You can often see there are some kids that are perfectly fine with a parenting style and one or two kids in the family are out of controls.

My oldest was so easy. I would just give him a look and he would behave. My second pushed all the boundaries repeatedly. I needed a different Karen ring style for him.

Regardless whether OP gets a diagnosis or not the problem is still going to exist.

I wish there were more parenting coaches like a super nanny who cones into your house, gives tips, records your interactions and tells you how to switch up things.

It would have been helpful when trying to implement a time out/naughty corner to hear - don’t give up it may take 20 times to carry your kid back to it the first few times. And then if you give in two weeks later to restart it, then it might take 30 times.

Some kids are just harder. But maybe that’s who they are and it isn’t disability. I never used corporal punishment but I ended up having to physically move him, seclude in time out in an unlocked room for 4 minutes, and restrain when my son was 4. It was exhausting but it worked.

[Anonymous]

OP, what are you doing at home? What strategies are you employing? How is sleep? You seem to be focused on professionals and schools but you can spend thousands and wait months and ultimately your approach may be more important.

My personal preference is a Janet Lansbury approach (very different from supernanny but similar in that you need very firm boundaries).

I don’t believe daycare causes aggression per se but it’s disingenuous to say that a calm one-on-one nanny and lots more low-stakes time with a regulated parent wouldn’t help. I’ve seen this many times—limiting group care can absolutely help minimize his fight or flight response and improve regulation, especially if you couple with a good private OT

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what are you doing at home? What strategies are you employing? How is sleep? You seem to be focused on professionals and schools but you can spend thousands and wait months and ultimately your approach may be more important.

My personal preference is a Janet Lansbury approach (very different from supernanny but similar in that you need very firm boundaries).

I don’t believe daycare causes aggression per se but it’s disingenuous to say that a calm one-on-one nanny and lots more low-stakes time with a regulated parent wouldn’t help. I’ve seen this many times—limiting group care can absolutely help minimize his fight or flight response and improve regulation, especially if you couple with a good private OT

I mean, a nanny solves the problems of daycare but doesn’t actually change anything about the child’s temperament or any disability. BTDT. I definitely recommend a nanny or part time nanny in these circumstances but it doesn’t cure anything.

[Anonymous]

What triggers his aggression? Does he hit and bite at home? Ive known aggressive toddlers and preschoolers who grew out of it with maturity and circumstantial change. Of course sometimes there’s a formal diagnosis, but not as frequently as you might assume.

A good nanny can keep him away from triggering dynamics, improve his sleep and nutrition and shuttle him to weekly OT and whatever else he ends up needing. And similarly to adult therapy, sometimes the steady, reliable relationship itself is therapeutic. Parent can host a few well-designed play dates that will provide more info than preschool reports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nephew was kicked out of his daycare for aggression. It was recommended that he do behavior therapy and his mom did 2 weeks of that before declaring it a waste of time.
As he grew into a teen he didn't have many friends. He spent hours playing video games. His mom said he had social anxiety. He wasn't a warm person as he grew into an adult. Despite being very smart and a graduate from a good SLAC he still lives at home and doesn't seem to work at the age of 28.

As a parent of a kid with autism - you can do everything right in terms of therapy and still end up in this place. Just withhold your judgement, it doesn't help.

I don't want to derail this thread and agree op should seek a diagnosis and help, but it's a tough journey and there aren't easy solutions much of the time.

[Anonymous]

OP, my then-preschool age kid was kicked out of summer camp and we were threatened that he could be kicked out by his preschool for similar reasons. Here’s what we did:

1) full neuropsych evaluation
2) 2 x week OT sessions for sensory concerns
3) weekly social skills group

We worked with our public district to have supports in place when he started K and asked parents at OT for summer camp recs. Now dc is in 1st grade and thriving with minimal supports.