Could your teen do this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My extroverted DD could make friends with a rock. She would have no issues. My introverted DS would be overwhelmed and would shut down.

Same. And I wouldn’t have made my DS go to the party. Certain events are mandatory and require one to be polite. I would let something like this slide.

This. I give my kids info on who will be there, what to expect, how long we intend to stay, etc. then, if it's not a mandatory kind of thing, give them the option of coming. If it's mandatory, I stick to the plan I previewed.

I was very shy as a teen but my outgoing parents made me go to all kids of random events. It was awful; never want my kids to feel that awkward.

[Anonymous]

Did all the other kids know each other? Did your kid know the other kids in the same way? The fact that they were similar ages and had similar interests (maybe, it sounds like you are using "nerdy interests" extremely broadly) is not going to overcome a situation where the other kids are friends and your son has never met them before, or the other kids go to school together and your son goes to another school, or the other kids are all super into video games but your kid mostly like manga.

This would be like if my husband brought me to a party where he knew all the men and I didn't know any of the women at all, but he was like "oh you guys have similar interests" because he just things all women like vaguely the same things, and then we got there and he totally abandons me and to go hang with the men and it turns out the women ALL know each other and are super into baking and knitting when I love tennis and my job and I have to make awkward small talk with them for hours. And they don't even want to get to know because they are like "why is this lady even here?"

I could do it, because I'm a 45 year old woman and know how to survive something like that, not a 15 year old. But I would be super annoyed with my DH and would definitely let him know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NO teen wants to be forced to a party with kids they don't know. You are weird OP.

+1. These are awful for any teens except the outgoing ones who, unfortunately, lack social skills. They are the ones who going around talking to everyone. There is one in my family, my niece, like that and I love her dearly but even she can’t do these anymore at 14. She was fine up until 13 because she cluelessly could not take social cues to back off.

My kids and other niece and nephews would find these deadly. We left them home from neighborhood parties when they were old enough to not need a babysitter. Our friends are not their friends.

[Anonymous]

Say it's a couple times a year. 2x/year for a couple hours -- I care zero about a teen's comfort and would have the expectation that they would make the best of it.

[Anonymous]

We had a similar event recently and let our 15 year old DS stay home. He’s pretty shy and socially awkward and we didn’t feel like pushing it this time. His 13 year old sister was at a friend’s birthday party and his 11 year old sister was excited to go. We knew there would be a lot of her aged friends there and there were. I thought there would be at least a few my son’s age and there were maybe 4. One had his girlfriend there (both sets of parents were invited so he didn’t bring a “date”) and two of the boys he knew left fairly quickly.

While the two boys were there, I regretted not making him attend, but when they left I was glad I let him stay home. It would have been awkward and not enjoyable to be the third wheel or to hang out with the younger kids.

[Anonymous]

He should have stayed home instead pouring and souring the nite for you.

If you’re aware he struggles socially he def should have just skipped it.

[Anonymous]

He probably has anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think that this is a life skill and I would expect my kids to make the most of it and at least try to socialize. Of course, if my kid had known anxiety issues or similar, I would approach it differently.

+1

This seems like an infrequent and reasonable request. I don’t think everything should be exactly in your kids comfort zone. I also think that if you do bring your kids you may have to keep it shorter than if you didn’t bring them. As long as you go in with that expectation than they should come.

[Anonymous]

Why couldn’t he be able to just play video games with the other kids ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why couldn’t he be able to just play video games with the other kids ?

+1 this seems so easy, especially for a kid today

[Anonymous]

Yes, my kid has manners. Might not have liked it, but he certainly wouldn't let anyone else know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be concerned in the least if he had a good time or not but, for that short a period of time, would have been expected him to try. He needed to know what was expected of him. It wasn't about his pleasure. He is a guest and others (adults and younger) have put effort into this evening. There are some expectations of guests. It's a short time. Don't let him guilt you, you should guilt him.

+1. Honestly I'm surprised he got to age 15 without practice at this for a few hours at a time a handful of times per year. It seems like something you should practice with him so he has a few ideas of how to engage, be personable, and break the ice with groups of new people.

[Anonymous]

I hated being dragged to parties and stuff and being forced to socialize with the kids of my parents' friends.

[Anonymous]

Mine would have been conversational and likely engaged, but so many kids are screen addicts and have crappy social skills.

[Anonymous]

My teen would go but engage in small talk with adults. She might offer to mix the drinks and play bartender. She an only child