Could your teen do this?

[Anonymous]

We were invited to a family holiday party with people who are mostly friends of mine. The other kids there were around my DS's age (15) and from what I know of them, have similar (nerdy) interests. DS grudgingly went, but didn't engage with the other kids (some of whom were playing video games, others were chatting). He said he had a terrible time.

Was I unreasonable to think he could come to a family party or does he struggle more than others?

For context, he had a really difficult time socially in MS but now in HS seems to have a good group of friends, although they don't see each other much outside of school.

[Anonymous]

Either he was pouting because he didn't want to go, or he has poor social skills. Most teens are capable of doing this somewhat well if they choose to. From what you describe of his history, I would think he needs help.

[Anonymous]

My kid is quite shy and likely would have struggled unless a very outgoing kid pulled him into the group. He takes time to relax and get to know people -- especially kids his own age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were invited to a family holiday party with people who are mostly friends of mine. The other kids there were around my DS's age (15) and from what I know of them, have similar (nerdy) interests. DS grudgingly went, but didn't engage with the other kids (some of whom were playing video games, others were chatting). He said he had a terrible time.

Was I unreasonable to think he could come to a family party or does he struggle more than others?

For context, he had a really difficult time socially in MS but now in HS seems to have a good group of friends, although they don't see each other much outside of school.

These kinds of situations are excruciating for most teens that age.

[Anonymous]

My kid might say they had a terrible time, but they’d engage with people and socialize to be polite. They have manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were invited to a family holiday party with people who are mostly friends of mine. The other kids there were around my DS's age (15) and from what I know of them, have similar (nerdy) interests. DS grudgingly went, but didn't engage with the other kids (some of whom were playing video games, others were chatting). He said he had a terrible time.

Was I unreasonable to think he could come to a family party or does he struggle more than others?

For context, he had a really difficult time socially in MS but now in HS seems to have a good group of friends, although they don't see each other much outside of school.

These kinds of situations are excruciating for most teens that age.

+1 15 is the worst age for everything.

[Anonymous]

I have a 16 year old son (new 16). I would never make him go to a holiday party where he didn't know any of the teens and expect him to socialize. Most adults don't really want to do this and many are terrible at it. You're talking going in cold turkey not knowing anyone, yes? Leave him home.

[Anonymous]

My extroverted DD could make friends with a rock. She would have no issues. My introverted DS would be overwhelmed and would shut down.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be concerned in the least if he had a good time or not but, for that short a period of time, would have been expected him to try. He needed to know what was expected of him. It wasn't about his pleasure. He is a guest and others (adults and younger) have put effort into this evening. There are some expectations of guests. It's a short time. Don't let him guilt you, you should guilt him.

[Anonymous]

NO teen wants to be forced to a party with kids they don't know. You are weird OP.

[Anonymous]

Gosh, OP, I struggle with this as an adult. I hate being dragged to spouse's holiday parties where I know nobody and it's all small talk and standing around awkwardly.

That is a really tough environment and I don't blame him for feeling uncomfortable. Unless the teen is super extroverted, it's not going to be fun.

[Anonymous]

What a teen -wants- doesn't decide it. Occasionally it does not. It's a short period of time. He can and should learn to be cordial and present himself wee-enough out there in the wide world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were invited to a family holiday party with people who are mostly friends of mine. The other kids there were around my DS's age (15) and from what I know of them, have similar (nerdy) interests. DS grudgingly went, but didn't engage with the other kids (some of whom were playing video games, others were chatting). He said he had a terrible time.

Was I unreasonable to think he could come to a family party or does he struggle more than others?

For context, he had a really difficult time socially in MS but now in HS seems to have a good group of friends, although they don't see each other much outside of school.

These kinds of situations are excruciating for most teens that age.

I agree. All of my kids would have hated this and been really against going. I would have offered, but unless there was some reason they needed to be there (I grew up in a family where it was necessary at times to have your children seen, but not heard, at events) I would not have made them go. And, if they needed to be there, I would have left as soon as socially acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My extroverted DD could make friends with a rock. She would have no issues. My introverted DS would be overwhelmed and would shut down.

Same. And I wouldn’t have made my DS go to the party. Certain events are mandatory and require one to be polite. I would let something like this slide.

[Anonymous]

I still have a terrible time at parties. I'll engage a lot now, fake it, but I hate every minute and just am so glad to be done and home at the end.