Walkaway wife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. Is it fair to say 99.9% of married women complain about the same issues when it comes to their husbands?

If you have sons, are you confident they won't repeat the same mistakes they dad did?

Very I raised my sons not my MIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad to read. I love my DH with all my heart and he loves me with all of his - we tell each other that and show each other every day. I can't imagine going through life feeling ho hum toward your partner.

You should feel so lucky. a lot of marriages that people used to look at and think “look at them, they are so happy etc…”people had no idea how truly sad one or both of the partners were. People just accepted unhappiness. People aren’t choosing to accept it anymore, that’s really the only difference.

+1

And now with divorce laws changing women won't be able to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. Is it fair to say 99.9% of married women complain about the same issues when it comes to their husbands?

If you have sons, are you confident they won't repeat the same mistakes they dad did?

My son thinks his dad is lazy. My son does more around the house than my dh. And yes I make more than him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I relate to some of it, but not all. We have problems in our marriage. DH won’t talk about them. I’ve thought about divorce.
I actually think that things will get better between us once the kids leave though. A lot of our issues really are about housework and childcare. Once we don’t have those responsibilities anymore, I think we will be pretty compatible again.

Op here. Same on the household and childcare responsibilities. I just wonder if I will be so resentful, I won't be able to move forward.

I can see that. How old are your kids? I really do think that things have gotten better as our kids have gotten to be older and more independent.

12 and 14. We are already there. But he and I have almost nothing in common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I relate to some of it, but not all. We have problems in our marriage. DH won’t talk about them. I’ve thought about divorce.
I actually think that things will get better between us once the kids leave though. A lot of our issues really are about housework and childcare. Once we don’t have those responsibilities anymore, I think we will be pretty compatible again.

+1, I get really annoyed with DH and our workload is not equal, but he genuinely tries. The thing I relate the least to is the idea of just having nothing in common anymore. Even though I'd say our marriage is in a bit of a rough spot right now, I actually feel like we continue to have a ton in common (well beyond being parents to our kids, though that bond is really meaningful as well because I will never share it with anyone else) and it's not that hard for me to stay committed because I do think some of our problems will just disappear as our kids get older and leave the nest, which will offer more space for us to enjoy our shared interests and hobbies.

Even the places where we've diverged are really not that big of a deal. Like I stopped drinking almost entirely and he still drinks almost nightly and you might think this would be a source of conflict but it's actually not an issue at all. I think the key is that we've both made a decision that works for us but we do not rely on the other person to validate that decision or make the same one. We genuinely don't care.

What do you have in common?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I relate to some of it, but not all. We have problems in our marriage. DH won’t talk about them. I’ve thought about divorce.
I actually think that things will get better between us once the kids leave though. A lot of our issues really are about housework and childcare. Once we don’t have those responsibilities anymore, I think we will be pretty compatible again.

Op here. Same on the household and childcare responsibilities. I just wonder if I will be so resentful, I won't be able to move forward.

I can see that. How old are your kids? I really do think that things have gotten better as our kids have gotten to be older and more independent.

12 and 14. We are already there. But he and I have almost nothing in common.

Why did you get married then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. Is it fair to say 99.9% of married women complain about the same issues when it comes to their husbands?

If you have sons, are you confident they won't repeat the same mistakes they dad did?

I don’t know. I wish there were more spaces where men talked about what it’s like to raise kids, especially little ones.
I think a lot of men don’t really have support for how hard it can be and therefore think they are the only ones struggling or that their wives are crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I relate to some of it, but not all. We have problems in our marriage. DH won’t talk about them. I’ve thought about divorce.
I actually think that things will get better between us once the kids leave though. A lot of our issues really are about housework and childcare. Once we don’t have those responsibilities anymore, I think we will be pretty compatible again.

Op here. Same on the household and childcare responsibilities. I just wonder if I will be so resentful, I won't be able to move forward.

I can see that. How old are your kids? I really do think that things have gotten better as our kids have gotten to be older and more independent.

12 and 14. We are already there. But he and I have almost nothing in common.

Why did you get married then?

We used to. We grew apart. I'm sure we are not unusual in that sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. Is it fair to say 99.9% of married women complain about the same issues when it comes to their husbands?

If you have sons, are you confident they won't repeat the same mistakes they dad did?

My son thinks his dad is lazy. My son does more around the house than my dh. And yes I make more than him.

That’s not lazy, that is teach him how to be an adult male. When your son’s kids are old enough to work around the house, I hope they work in the same way. It’s how to not raise worthless men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. Is it fair to say 99.9% of married women complain about the same issues when it comes to their husbands?

If you have sons, are you confident they won't repeat the same mistakes they dad did?

My son thinks his dad is lazy. My son does more around the house than my dh. And yes I make more than him.

That’s not lazy, that is teach him how to be an adult male. When your son’s kids are old enough to work around the house, I hope they work in the same way. It’s how to not raise worthless men.

Potentially, but he doesn't actually teach him anything. I would love an apprenticeship model. I am the one teaching him everything and following up to make sure he follows through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I totally relate. I'm sticking things out for the kids. I've accepted some of his behavior for the sake of the kids, but I have no intention of remaining married once they leave the nest. We are too different, and it is becoming more apparent as we get older. I want to travel and seek out new experiences. He likes repetition and would be happy to spend his remaining days at the country club. We also have very different priorities and values around money, and I think once he's retired and on a fixed income, he's going to spend himself into the poor house, and I don't want to be around for it.

Not being judgy but genuinely wondering… has he changed since you got married, or was he always this way but it didn’t seem like an issue at first?

[Anonymous]

The new marriage vows should include an amendment- unless she is no longer interested in him, feels lonely because he works a lot, decides he is lazy, wants to do different things or her crystal ball says he may be bankrupt in 10/15 years.

Sounds like the scum cheating and divorce in a simple amendment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I relate to some of it, but not all. We have problems in our marriage. DH won’t talk about them. I’ve thought about divorce.
I actually think that things will get better between us once the kids leave though. A lot of our issues really are about housework and childcare. Once we don’t have those responsibilities anymore, I think we will be pretty compatible again.

I highly recommend you work now on fixing them..I was in your boat and then found myself in the boat where husband has an affair and the younger one is still at home. I find it is hard when they are in college as well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I totally relate. I'm sticking things out for the kids. I've accepted some of his behavior for the sake of the kids, but I have no intention of remaining married once they leave the nest. We are too different, and it is becoming more apparent as we get older. I want to travel and seek out new experiences. He likes repetition and would be happy to spend his remaining days at the country club. We also have very different priorities and values around money, and I think once he's retired and on a fixed income, he's going to spend himself into the poor house, and I don't want to be around for it.

You're taking half his retirement will expedite his trip to the poorhouse, but you do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I relate to some of it, but not all. We have problems in our marriage. DH won’t talk about them. I’ve thought about divorce.
I actually think that things will get better between us once the kids leave though. A lot of our issues really are about housework and childcare. Once we don’t have those responsibilities anymore, I think we will be pretty compatible again.

I highly recommend you work now on fixing them..I was in your boat and then found myself in the boat where husband has an affair and the younger one is still at home. I find it is hard when they are in college as well

I’m sorry that happened.
It’s honestly hard to imagine being upset if DH had an affair, but I’m sure that the reality of it feels different than a hypothetical.
Do you really feel like you could have fixed things if you had tried harder? I kind of feel like I’ve given it my best, and he doesn’t seem to be putting in any effort.