Everyone with NT kids has it figured out about how to raise a kid with special needs

[Anonymous]

A preschool teacher once suggested that I "simply explain to him that it's ok to be angry but it's not ok to hurt people". And I was like, I get that you think this is good advice, but maybe consider that if I've asked my pediatrician, my mother, my mother in law, and all my friends, and am at the point of admitting to the preschool teacher that my 5yo still bites me and I need help, it's probably a safe assumption that we already tried "telling him not to".

Sometimes you just gotta laugh so you don't cry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know what you mean. It’s like most people only understand special needs if your child has Down’s syndrome.

Trust me. Parents of children with Down syndrome (the correct spelling in this country) experience the same thing. Plus a ton of "why didn't you abort"?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A preschool teacher once suggested that I "simply explain to him that it's ok to be angry but it's not ok to hurt people". And I was like, I get that you think this is good advice, but maybe consider that if I've asked my pediatrician, my mother, my mother in law, and all my friends, and am at the point of admitting to the preschool teacher that my 5yo still bites me and I need help, it's probably a safe assumption that we already tried "telling him not to".

Sometimes you just gotta laugh so you don't cry.

LOL!! This is my favorite one. “did you tell him not to hit other kids?”

[Anonymous]

My favorite is "I just expect children to behave".

[Anonymous]

I feel you OP.

My current pet peeve is parenting “experts” and even many therapists who can’t grasp that no, my kid’s challenges are not the same as your NT kid. I get so irked when a supposed parenting expert’s vignette is like “Ho ho, when my younger son Larlo was a freshman he wanted to join the swim team! We thought it would be too much for him, but he thrived even though he wasn’t very good!” …

[Anonymous]

That definitely sucks, op! (Conversely I’ve had the experience with my neurodiverse kid who IS well suited for trade school that I’m given the advice that “he can do it!” about a traditional college experience he doesn’t want and wouldn’t thrive in, which also sucks!)

[Anonymous]

A non-zero number if these parents with NT kids think their kids are NT because they parented better. That's why they give advice -- they genuinely believe the reason their kids went ND is that it was parented out if them.

[Anonymous]

They aren’t wrong- If they can’t handle trade school what makes you think they can handle college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Welp in this economy, there will be many kids living in their parent’s basement.

I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I was told if I was right by God, he would heal me and my kid.

God doesnt exist outside yourself. Just focus on yourself and your behavior.

You think everything in the world just exists from nothing? Sounds like a very sad life to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They aren’t wrong- If they can’t handle trade school what makes you think they can handle college?

DP. My kid can’t handle trade school because he has extremely poor fine motor skills. It’s white collar or bust for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They aren’t wrong- If they can’t handle trade school what makes you think they can handle college?

DP. My kid can’t handle trade school because he has extremely poor fine motor skills. It’s white collar or bust for him.

Not trying to be snarky, but that’s actually not the case for lots of jobs in advanced manufacturing, which are highly automated. There are plenty of “trade” jobs that aren’t plumbing or electrical and don’t require any more manual dexterity than a typing/computers required at a white collar job.

Not trying to say your child shouldn’t do white collar, just that there are tons of options in the trades. Some people go into them after starting their careers in a white collar profession because they hate sitting at a desk all day or hate sitting in meetings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They aren’t wrong- If they can’t handle trade school what makes you think they can handle college?

DP. My kid can’t handle trade school because he has extremely poor fine motor skills. It’s white collar or bust for him.

Fine motor skills are not a prerequisite for trades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They aren’t wrong- If they can’t handle trade school what makes you think they can handle college?

DP. My kid can’t handle trade school because he has extremely poor fine motor skills. It’s white collar or bust for him.

Not trying to be snarky, but that’s actually not the case for lots of jobs in advanced manufacturing, which are highly automated. There are plenty of “trade” jobs that aren’t plumbing or electrical and don’t require any more manual dexterity than a typing/computers required at a white collar job.

Not trying to say your child shouldn’t do white collar, just that there are tons of options in the trades. Some people go into them after starting their careers in a white collar profession because they hate sitting at a desk all day or hate sitting in meetings.

Like what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been much happier since limiting my interactions with other people.

Family, friends, neighbors.

It probably looks maladaptive but it’s such a relief to not be constantly misunderstood. I love not having to hear stuff like this anymore, and not having to try to get people to understand my reality.

I focus on myself. Audiobooks, walks, skincare, weightlifting, creative projects. I avoid people as much as possible.

This has been the single most helpful thing for me on my journey raising a child with SN.

This.

I’ve detached from many friends and family who didn’t get it. They don’t mean to be hurtful but it became painful to spend time with them. My ASD2 + physically disabled child started to feel bad about themselves during family gatherings.

Sometimes you have to protect yourself - even if it feels irrational.

I did find a local community of parents that DO get it. It makes a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They aren’t wrong- If they can’t handle trade school what makes you think they can handle college?

DP. My kid can’t handle trade school because he has extremely poor fine motor skills. It’s white collar or bust for him.

Not trying to be snarky, but that’s actually not the case for lots of jobs in advanced manufacturing, which are highly automated. There are plenty of “trade” jobs that aren’t plumbing or electrical and don’t require any more manual dexterity than a typing/computers required at a white collar job.

Not trying to say your child shouldn’t do white collar, just that there are tons of options in the trades. Some people go into them after starting their careers in a white collar profession because they hate sitting at a desk all day or hate sitting in meetings.

Please just stop. My kid’s fine motor/motor planning skills mean that he cannot really thrive in any job that invokes coordination or any sort of physical planning even if it is automated.