How to do a shopaholic intervention before Christmas

[Anonymous]

we had a similar but not this extreme situation. we tried picking names one year but that didn't work. so then we started setting budgets and making lists. this really helped. we've been able to ease up on the rules since we started.

[Anonymous]

This is easy. We declared one year that we are only giving gifts to people under 18 or people who had no kids (I’m not going to stop shopping for my niece and nephew just cause they are in college) and we were only accepting presents for our kids. Took a year, we stuck to it, now everyone is on board.

[Anonymous]

You set your boundary-no gifts and make it clear you will not accept them. You do not reciprocate. When she brings gifts, you calmly give them back. You cannot control her, but you can have firm boundaries, and you must with an addict.

[Anonymous]

When multiple members of my family got like this, we announced we weren't doing extended family gifts anymore. It was the only way to get them to stop, and even that took several years. We send cards. People have too much stuff. We don't even do a ton of gifts within our family, just stockings and a few items, kids get some extra stuff like books and art supplies.

[Anonymous]

Turn off the gifts for everyone! People can buy gifts for their own kids, but that doesn't have to be part of the extended family celebration. Other family members will probably appreciate this, too. If you must give gifts, do "books only," as those are under $20.

[Anonymous]

Right now tell her Amy, with the economy so uncertain we are only going to be buying Christmas gifts for the kids this year. Please don't send us gifts, it will make me feel very sad that I cannot reciprocate.

Then, DO NOT BUY HER GIFTS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't control what your sister does. You can change how you react to it.

"Sis, we're not buying gifts this year. We're going to give to the food bank instead."

And if she buys gifts for you anyway, say thank you and move on.

I would not say "thank you" when someone violates a boundary you set and feeds their own addiction. Do you say "thank you" when your alcoholic cousin pulls out the wine? I would just calmly remind her you already said "no gifts" and give it back. Then move on. If she insists, you calmly keep the boundary.

[Anonymous]

DP here. Inspired by this thread, I just texted all gifting friends and family that we will not be doing any gift exchanges going forward but only sending out holiday cards. I am starting to get sad messages back from some but I am determined to hold the line. Thanks DCUM!