How to do a shopaholic intervention before Christmas

[Anonymous]

One of my sisters is a severe compulsive shopper, she also has several kids and a job that is not secure. Every holiday, she over buys gifts for everyone. We have all asked her not to buy gifts for everyone but she does it anyways, then we all have to buy more gifts for her and her family. It's out of control. Her spending is causing everyone to overspend at holidays. She has credit card debt so it's putting her finances and credit at risk. Anyone have an answer for this? Have you done an intervention on an overspender?

[Anonymous]

She’s not going to change until she wants to change, and she won’t be able to change until she deals with the underlying issue that shopping soothes. All you can do is ask her not to do gifts this year, make it clear you won’t accept them, and don’t.

[Anonymous]

1. You don't need to reciprocate.

[Anonymous]

Do a thing where everyone gets one person to buy for only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do a thing where everyone gets one person to buy for only.

And a spending limit, like $100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. You don't need to reciprocate.

This. It isn’t helping and may be contributing.

[Anonymous]

We each pick a person to buy a gift for. That way we're all buying ONE. Then we also get together and each household brings a plate of cookies/brownies.

We keep things simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do a thing where everyone gets one person to buy for only.

Yes, pick names at Thanksgiving. We used to do that in my big family. You can keep it a secret til Christmas or not. I would also put a spending limit on it for everyone.

This method also has drawbacks. One is that some people will have no idea what to get someone and the presents can be duds. But it does make people buy fewer gifts.

I think it's also okay to not reciprocate. I would say honestly, we can't do this anymore and hope she gets the message. She probably really likes buying gifts and will have a hard time changing. But you all need to have a candid conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. You don't need to reciprocate.

This. It isn’t helping and may be contributing.

+1. Discontinued the gift exchange except for nuclear family.

[Anonymous]

Tell her again.
Advise her you’re skipping the gifts this year.

You’re an adult and she should absolutely take you for your word.

[Anonymous]

She is not causing everyone else in the family to overspend. They are choosing to do so to keep up with her.

[Anonymous]

Tell her this year you are not doing a family gift exchange including her.
Pick reason: a) concern for economy b) making donation to Food Bank/WCK/something you chhose.

Tell her you are are serious. Tell her not to buy gifts for your family.

[Anonymous]

This is my sister, too. She had filed for personal bankruptcy in the past. I told her that we will not be exchanging gifts with anyone other than our kids. She said she was sending them anyway and did. So I didn't acknowledge them except that I did receive them when she asked. It took a year but she has stopped sending us gifts but still buys for the rest of the family.

[Anonymous]

You tell her you're changing the rules and making a game of it, and then you do the version of "white elephant" where everyone has to open their gifts while wearing oven mitts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You tell her you're changing the rules and making a game of it, and then you do the version of "white elephant" where everyone has to open their gifts while wearing oven mitts.

Oven mitts? That sounds like it would take forever. 😉