Secret Depression

[Anonymous]

I feel the same way, but I have a job, do I just lay down when I can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m that SAHM who everyone thinks does it all. I volunteer, I help with homework, I pay bills, I make dinner and I handle all of the house chores. I also have raised really good teenagers who I adore.
The problem is, I’m depressed. When everyone leaves the house to go to school and work, I pretend to do things, but actually crawl back in bed. Sometimes I stay in bed for hours, sleeping or scrolling on my phone. I am on Zoloft and I have a therapist, and can’t even describe what is wrong with me. I will lay in bed for hours and then get dressed and go to one of my child’s high school sporting events and act like I’ve had a normal day. I know that exercise makes me feel better but yet I fell off the wagon once again with that.

Is anyone else on this boat? Anyone have any great advice? There’s nothing physically wrong with me, I’ve been to regular appointments and gotten bloodwork and all of that.. I just love my bed!

This was me exactly. I found 2 to 3 part time jobs (all flexible and easy commitments), and a big volunteer ‘job.’

I looked for one, but they all came together and have opposite days and hours. So I took them all.

I’m so happy now. I felt like no one needed me, before, so what was the point in trying to accomplish much?

How do you manage that with the stress and time of being the main parent? My DH is great but it’s no different when he is home vs away - I am 100% the main caretaker and handle everything. He has a good job and makes money to afford our life, so no complaints- but I can’t imagine a job!

I’m a single parent with FT custody and two jobs. One FT (teacher) one PT. There’s something to be said for not having a choice. Sounds like you have way too much time on your hands. Get a FT job and outsource. My second job is as an after school driver/nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m that SAHM who everyone thinks does it all. I volunteer, I help with homework, I pay bills, I make dinner and I handle all of the house chores. I also have raised really good teenagers who I adore.
The problem is, I’m depressed. When everyone leaves the house to go to school and work, I pretend to do things, but actually crawl back in bed. Sometimes I stay in bed for hours, sleeping or scrolling on my phone. I am on Zoloft and I have a therapist, and can’t even describe what is wrong with me. I will lay in bed for hours and then get dressed and go to one of my child’s high school sporting events and act like I’ve had a normal day. I know that exercise makes me feel better but yet I fell off the wagon once again with that.

Is anyone else on this boat? Anyone have any great advice? There’s nothing physically wrong with me, I’ve been to regular appointments and gotten bloodwork and all of that.. I just love my bed!

This was me exactly. I found 2 to 3 part time jobs (all flexible and easy commitments), and a big volunteer ‘job.’

I looked for one, but they all came together and have opposite days and hours. So I took them all.

I’m so happy now. I felt like no one needed me, before, so what was the point in trying to accomplish much?

How do you manage that with the stress and time of being the main parent? My DH is great but it’s no different when he is home vs away - I am 100% the main caretaker and handle everything. He has a good job and makes money to afford our life, so no complaints- but I can’t imagine a job!

I’m a single parent with FT custody and two jobs. One FT (teacher) one PT. There’s something to be said for not having a choice. Sounds like you have way too much time on your hands. Get a FT job and outsource. My second job is as an after school driver/nanny.

OP here and I totally agree with that... I am in a situation that allows me the comfort of being depressed, and if I were in a much worse financial spot I wouldn't have the luxury. That isn't lost on me, which makes me feel even more guilty and like a big old lazy nothing!

[Anonymous]

No advice but maybe we should be friends. In a similar boat. It’s the lack of community. Trust me, my job didn’t make a difference. It just made life way harder. I need friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am also a SAHM, and I have been re-learning how to prioritize myself. Being in a role where you are constantly monitoring other people's needs and reacting to the environment around you gets you out of the habit of being proactive. I also think that so many years of stress adds up and your nervous system is just exhausted. Not feeling appreciated for the invisible aspects of the job is hard, too.

When people say - wow you need a job - I get very frustrated. I have been "on call" for years, and the last thing I want is to feel obligated to a company.

Maybe try thinking about what your core values are, what things bring you joy, and what excites you. I had to learn to dream again for myself. That said, I have no regrets being a full time mom.

We all have adrenal fatigue.

Op isn’t happy. Believe it or not having a job during the day does give some of us a sense of purpose and YES we also have to cook dinner and drive our kids to sports. I have nothing against SAHMs, I was one for 10 years when my kids were little, but don’t pretend that resting for 5-6 hours 5 days a week is more important for you than any other parent.

[Anonymous]

You might be like me - I need externally imposed places to be and things to do. If it were in my hands, I'd stay in bed all day. I could never be a SAHM or WFH or do well with a lot of free time, but as a working mom involved in a lot of community activities, I do pretty well most of the time. I have a job where people are depending on me, live in front of me, and that keeps me focused. Maybe it's ADHD or depression, who knows? The best thing to do is to craft a life that works for your personality.

[Anonymous]

I was depressed with a very busy job so its not about your employment status, its about you needing therapy and fun activities.

[Anonymous]

Employment can be an option to try but its not a cure for depression. Its bound to lead to anxiety though if you have to do all or most of your existing duties on top of it.

[Anonymous]

Are you actually upset about laying around all day or just feeling guilty? Cause if you’re busy and active 6-8 and 3-11 and view that as your work, than that’s a 10 hour work day and you’re just spending the hours others spend sitting around in the evenings sitting around during the day.

Also, if you’re only sleeping 11-6, maybe you’re legitimately tired! I would be - that’s not enough sleep for me.

But if you are depressed than I agree with signing up for something. Maybe a class at a rec center or volunteering (NOT for school or kid stuff).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you actually upset about laying around all day or just feeling guilty? Cause if you’re busy and active 6-8 and 3-11 and view that as your work, than that’s a 10 hour work day and you’re just spending the hours others spend sitting around in the evenings sitting around during the day.

Also, if you’re only sleeping 11-6, maybe you’re legitimately tired! I would be - that’s not enough sleep for me.

But if you are depressed than I agree with signing up for something. Maybe a class at a rec center or volunteering (NOT for school or kid stuff).

Yeah that’s a good point, and maybe it’s more like 10-6:30 that I sleep so I do get enough. I have needy children with learning stuff so I do a lot of homework and sports with them and driving, so I literally never relax or watch tv at night, when the kids go to bed so do I so maybe I need that time during the day… but I think it’s a bit of both; depression too.

[Anonymous]

You sound pampered since you have the leisure to lie in bed all day. You don't have toddlers anymore and you have too much time on your hands. I would suggest a part time job. A full time job might be a bit of a shock from your life of leisure. Part time and then you'll still have plenty of hours in the week to watch Netflix, exercise, cook, read etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound pampered since you have the leisure to lie in bed all day. You don't have toddlers anymore and you have too much time on your hands. I would suggest a part time job. A full time job might be a bit of a shock from your life of leisure. Part time and then you'll still have plenty of hours in the week to watch Netflix, exercise, cook, read etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need some structure to your day - not necessarily a job or a volunteer position.

My only input would be to just invest in your health. Do a bunch of activities - walking, aqua fitness, dance class - but with a bunch of different friends. Piece all of this in a way that you can have the routine of an hour's worth of activity, but also socialize.

Other than that...putting nap time and netflix time in your schedule is also very valid.

There is nothing wrong with you. Your adrenal fatigue of many years caught up with you. You can get away with being a slug - so you are behaving like a slug. That's all there is to it.

This is so true. Maybe I'm not depressed I am just so. dang. TIRED. Adrenal fatigue for sure

Maybe the quality of your sleep is poor? Have you done a sleep study?

[Anonymous]

A job would help.

Structure.

I was awful on maternity leaves. Everything felt monumental- any simple task.

Everytime I went back to work I had so much more energy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you actually upset about laying around all day or just feeling guilty? Cause if you’re busy and active 6-8 and 3-11 and view that as your work, than that’s a 10 hour work day and you’re just spending the hours others spend sitting around in the evenings sitting around during the day.

Also, if you’re only sleeping 11-6, maybe you’re legitimately tired! I would be - that’s not enough sleep for me.

But if you are depressed than I agree with signing up for something. Maybe a class at a rec center or volunteering (NOT for school or kid stuff).

This is a good point. The “day time” is your down time, much like how the evening is your down time if you’re working a regular office job with a commute. I don’t think you need to feel guilty about that.

I like the suggestion about getting a pet and maybe volunteering somewhere a day or two a week. Not with kids/at the school though, something else entirely.