7th grade DS cusses at. Tell teacher?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing to be done about swearing. The issue is calling your kid stupid.

I agree. Swearing has become part of our vocabulary like it or not.

But being called stupid is cruel. Ask your son how it happened. Did he make a mistake? Give a suggestion that the bully didn’t like? Get the details and practice what his response should be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids were working in a group project of 2. Other kid called my kid f ing stupid. My kid is super sensitive and just cried to me after school.

If we mention it to the teacher I am afraid the kid will be even worse to my son the rest of year and 6 more years through high school.

If I don’t mention it, I worry about my kid and be bullied even more through the year and won’t tell me since I won’t help him now.

I told him to try and make things nice on Tuesday. To give it one more try and let things cool off.

Anyone been there? Any advice please?

OP, you are trying to solve the wrong problem. You are looking outside instead of inside. You should not be debating whether telling or not telling the teacher will result in the other kid retaliating vs your kid losing faith in you as an advocate. That might work for this one instance, but what happens when the next partner calls him f’ing slow?

You should be teaching your child tools and advice on how to respond to insults. Look at your child and realize that he has a lifetime of mean comments and undeserved slights coming his way. We all do. Are you going to try to swat each one away? Or teach him how to be resilient and learn to do it himself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids were working in a group project of 2. Other kid called my kid f ing stupid. My kid is super sensitive and just cried to me after school.

If we mention it to the teacher I am afraid the kid will be even worse to my son the rest of year and 6 more years through high school.

If I don’t mention it, I worry about my kid and be bullied even more through the year and won’t tell me since I won’t help him now.

I told him to try and make things nice on Tuesday. To give it one more try and let things cool off.

Anyone been there? Any advice please?

What do you mean by “try and make things nice”?

Have you considered therapy for your child OP? It’s not normal for a 7th grader to come home and cry about something so trivial as name calling.

I disagree. Her child is sensitive, and it obviously hit a nerve to be called “stupid.” It was a pretty unkind comment. I’m not saying her son doesn’t need to develop resilience, but let’s not pathologize his reaction; it’s within the range of normal. He didn’t cry at school, and he obviously trusts his parents enough to open up to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids were working in a group project of 2. Other kid called my kid f ing stupid. My kid is super sensitive and just cried to me after school.

If we mention it to the teacher I am afraid the kid will be even worse to my son the rest of year and 6 more years through high school.

If I don’t mention it, I worry about my kid and be bullied even more through the year and won’t tell me since I won’t help him now.

I told him to try and make things nice on Tuesday. To give it one more try and let things cool off.

Anyone been there? Any advice please?

What do you mean by “try and make things nice”?

Have you considered therapy for your child OP? It’s not normal for a 7th grader to come home and cry about something so trivial as name calling.

I disagree. Her child is sensitive, and it obviously hit a nerve to be called “stupid.” It was a pretty unkind comment. I’m not saying her son doesn’t need to develop resilience, but let’s not pathologize his reaction; it’s within the range of normal. He didn’t cry at school, and he obviously trusts his parents enough to open up to them.

I respectfully disagree.

[Anonymous]

Everyone here would run to HR if a coworker said this to them but calls a child the p word for getting upset.

[Anonymous]

Somehow I don’t think we are getting the full story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is middle school language. (Gross)
And there are personal insults mixed with strong language.
This was the second.

This is unfair to your kid and truly, truly overreacting from this other kid. If your kid knows he is not “f ing” stupid then, he can ignore.

Ditto telling the teacher by email that this child should not be paired with yours again (as pp said, unmentioned interpersonal conflict).

But what about if her kid is?

OP's CHILD needs to ask the teacher not to be paired with this kid again. Mommy should not be involved in 7th.

I’m curious how OP feels about this statement, which I agree with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone here would run to HR if a coworker said this to them but calls a child the p word for getting upset.

Everyone would run to HR if a coworker tried to bite them, but we let toddlers get away with it all the time. Kids are not adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone here would run to HR if a coworker said this to them but calls a child the p word for getting upset.

Everyone would run to HR if a coworker tried to bite them, but we let toddlers get away with it all the time. Kids are not adults.

Toddlers are not 7th graders, who are old enough to know better.

[Anonymous]

Your child will be known as (maybe already has this reputation) a tattle tale. Crying to Mommy and then Mommy emailing the teacher is exactly what will disempower him. You need to give him the tools to deal with the situation himself. Why do you continue to infantalize him? We know someone like this. Unfortunately the kids do not like this child and want nothing to do with them because they are a tattle tale and a crybaby. It’s sad, but the mother continues to enable this behavior instead of getting help for/empowering the child.

[Anonymous]

Whoa. Disagreee hard with the advice and judgement coming out here.
Your child’s reaction is completely within the bounds of a normal reaction for a 7th grader. And/but this is gonna be a hard year and a learning year. I really would engage in a conversation to find out the context, and ask/encourage him to kind of observe other kids behavior at school and elsewhere, and converse with him about it.
You do NOT teach your child that it’s ok to be a doormat and encourage him to say nothing. Maybe you work on an array of responses he could use in the future.
7th grade and beginning of 8th were rough for my sensitive kiddo but he came out the other side understanding social nuances of boy culture and being more resilient. It’s a process! You don’t berate him and invalidate his hurt feelings… you help him observe and map his way thru the world. He’ll be OK. Time helps, maturity helps, and my kid who is now a well adjusted 10th grader with a lot of friends would have cried about this in 7th.

[Anonymous]

Teach him to say something like "OK, RUDE. Teamwork makes the dream work, bro" and move on. This kid is in for a tough ride if you are considering telling the teacher about some little 12 year old being rude once. That kid probably doesn't even remember saying it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teach him to say something like "OK, RUDE. Teamwork makes the dream work, bro" and move on. This kid is in for a tough ride if you are considering telling the teacher about some little 12 year old being rude once. That kid probably doesn't even remember saying it.

This is exactly my point. You absolutely do not go to the teacher in 7th the first time someone curses at your kid. You only go if your kid is physically harmed.