Cutting off our millennial son

[Anonymous]

If you are local, offer a day or two and that's it. If you aren't local, get a hotel room, and go over for 2 days max and that's it. Don't clean, don't cook and just take care of the kids.

[Anonymous]

I think OP posted a thread in March titled Its me, not them. Same characteristic dramatic quality of passive aggressive martyrdom type writing or person desperately seeking a relationship that doesn’t meet their desires.

1. Get therapy stat. You can only change yourself not others.
2. Your reason for living does not depend on access to your grandchildren.
3. You raised your son. He’s independent that’s the goal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you’ve posted this before and the advice will be the same. Get therapy and look into medication to manage your anxiety.

1. How to get out of agreeing to watch the grandchildren. Tell them as soon as possible. Make up a lie about cardiac procedures. They may be angry and frustrated as they will need to find childcare while the kid is recovering but if you give enough notice that’s their problem. If you are giving no notice..ie it’s next week, then I would consider staying in a hotel, watching the kids, shopping and feeding only the kids, picking up only with the kids and having a firm rule that if anyone raises their voice at you, you walk away and leave. This also means that you do not raise your voice, throw fits and tantrums either.

2. Let go of your resentment that they don’t host you or host you as you expect, Get over that they don’t make you meals that you expect. Get over that they don’t invite you when you want to be invited or how frequently. Accept that you don’t have the relationship you envision or feel entitled for them to provide, it isn’t happening unless a lot changes occur and may never change.

3. Realize that you are trying to set up a quid pro quo of offering childcare and all these household tasks in exchange for being hosted or having a relationship that is different. This seldom works. Adults need to build relationships out of choice not obligation, trickery, or exchange.

4.Realize that it’s often difficult for others to be around high anxiety people. Your post alone is dripping with overly dramatic, frantic and anxiety laced statements. You need to treat your anxiety as a first step.

Oh, is this a repeat trollish poster?

Seems like it.

[Anonymous]

OP Let go and put your foot down -- like all the way.

Your son and his wife are adults. Let them raise their own kids and figure their life as adults with kids out -- minus you.

You're sickly. You can't assist at full steam on top of poor treatment by your son.

[Anonymous]

Do they WANT you to cook, clean, do shopping and straighten up? If you're doing those things and they aren't asking you to, you can't hold it against them that they aren't tripping over themselves to appreciate you. I love my mom, but she struggles with boundaries. She was staying at our house over the holidays and I walked in on her completely re-arranging DS' toy room without being asked, and then was offended that I was more annoyed than grateful.

I suspect there is some of that going on in your situation. Maybe spend some time reflecting on how your own behavior is contributing to this situation and you and your son will be able to repair things.

For us, my mom is more than welcome to watch DS. They have a great relationship. We just bring him to her because I don't want her in my house when we aren't there.