Brother in Law's comments

[Anonymous]

Option 1 - Shift the focus on him: “Something bothering you, Simon?”

Option 2 - Discourage future jokes about you: “Haha Simon. You think I am a kid? I make three times more than you. Haha”

Use in the future in a variety of settings: “You seem a little obsessed with what I should be doing” or just “Hmmm that’s an odd thing to say” “Hmmm you sound a bit unhinged”

[Anonymous]

OP, you’re leaving out whether the joke was a one time thing or a common occurrence. If it was a one time thing, then I agree with the other poster who suggested it was nothing more than a lame joke because you’re in the same room as the parents.

[Anonymous]

BIL sounds like a pedo if he can't stop thinking about kids.

[Anonymous]

If you really wanted to kick the hornet’s nest, you could say, “Why are you so infatuated with me?”

[Anonymous]

I had a BIL who would make borderline inappropriate jokes like that. They never bothered me, because I felt secure in my life and I know he was a decent person at heart - he spent years with an NGO rebuilding after the Indonesian tsunami. I would just laugh or volley a snarky comment right back at him. Sadly he died of a brain tumor in his 40s. We all miss him.

I think your feelings are more about how you view yourself than the sort of person he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always deadpan and ask: “What do you mean by that?” when someones makes a shi$$y “joke” like that.

This is the only appropriate response. And when he backs his way out, dig in. 'No, I really don't understand what you mean and I would like to.' Nail him down to practically calling you a loser, then paraphrase. 'So, what you are saying is because I focused on law school and didn't go the traditional family route that I don't deserve a grown up meal and I deserve to be the butt of your joke? I just want to get this straight because I don't understand your thinking at all.' You should be good at doing this as a lawyer - just don't get emotional at all.

That would make the meal uncomfortable for everyone else at the breakfast. She should have just let it go and roll off her shoulders.

Yeah, she should have been the only one uncomfortable, right? Hell no. BIL deserves the discomfort and everything that comes with it that HE started.

[Anonymous]

Op did you split a hotel room with your parents?

[Anonymous]

More complaining about men on DCUM!? How novel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always deadpan and ask: “What do you mean by that?” when someones makes a shi$$y “joke” like that.

This is the only appropriate response. And when he backs his way out, dig in. 'No, I really don't understand what you mean and I would like to.' Nail him down to practically calling you a loser, then paraphrase. 'So, what you are saying is because I focused on law school and didn't go the traditional family route that I don't deserve a grown up meal and I deserve to be the butt of your joke? I just want to get this straight because I don't understand your thinking at all.' You should be good at doing this as a lawyer - just don't get emotional at all.

That would make the meal uncomfortable for everyone else at the breakfast. She should have just let it go and roll off her shoulders.

Yeah, she should have been the only one uncomfortable, right? Hell no. BIL deserves the discomfort and everything that comes with it that HE started.

A. she shouldn't feel uncomfortable about his comment. it was a JOKE. she should have just laughed it off and not given it a second thought
B. nobody will view her nagging him about it over and over as HIM ruining the meal because SHE would be the one dogging him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More complaining about men on DCUM!? How novel.

No, just about the rude, condescending behavior of one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always deadpan and ask: “What do you mean by that?” when someones makes a shi$$y “joke” like that.

This is the only appropriate response. And when he backs his way out, dig in. 'No, I really don't understand what you mean and I would like to.' Nail him down to practically calling you a loser, then paraphrase. 'So, what you are saying is because I focused on law school and didn't go the traditional family route that I don't deserve a grown up meal and I deserve to be the butt of your joke? I just want to get this straight because I don't understand your thinking at all.' You should be good at doing this as a lawyer - just don't get emotional at all.

That would make the meal uncomfortable for everyone else at the breakfast. She should have just let it go and roll off her shoulders.

Yeah, she should have been the only one uncomfortable, right? Hell no. BIL deserves the discomfort and everything that comes with it that HE started.

A. she shouldn't feel uncomfortable about his comment. it was a JOKE. she should have just laughed it off and not given it a second thought
B. nobody will view her nagging him about it over and over as HIM ruining the meal because SHE would be the one dogging him.

Please go on and tell us how OP or anyone should feel.

If a joke requires someone to be put down, it’s not a joke.

[Anonymous]

That’s funny! You’re an immature sourpuss that can’t take a joke. Ironic.

[Anonymous]

He’s jealous of you.
I’d ask him what that comment meant ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the only single person (40) of a family - youngest of 5 siblings. I do have a job as an attorney. I don't believe I have ever acted in an immature way in front of him to justify sort of this loser narrative. On the most recent family trip, each sibling had a family unit. I stayed with my parents and split the hotel with them. At breakfast, we are all sitting together at breakfast and I opened the menu, and my brother in law "jokes" - "No, shouldn't you be ordering from the kids menu?" or something to that effect. The comment really frustrated me, as it soured the rest of my day and I don't think is actually even a funny joke to begin with. Meanwhile my family has actually helped his family unit out quite a lot in their life with down deposits, money assistance, etc., yet he's making me have the narrative of the immature child. Sort of venting here but wanted to see how you'd navigate it.

I understand your side but I also understand your BIL's side. Once you get married and have kids you have to grow up really fast in some ways and it's really hard balancing a job, having enough $$$, marriage and raising kids. I think it wasn't a dig but a reality of how probably a lot of married people with kids view those who are single.

They are much more free and in some cases mom and dad still baby/pamper you.

It is just night and day the difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s jealous of you.
I’d ask him what that comment meant ?

What is there to be jealous of?