Making friends with other parents through school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have about 20 families we are close with. Initiate group dinners at family friendly places is a good one to get the parents involved. I’ll text our baseball team and say “anyone want to meet for Pizza” after practice especially if it’s a Friday or Sat/Sun. Usually half the team goes. I met most when the kids were babies in our neighborhood though. The ones I am close with after is by being helpful or offering to share carpools for activities.

you're not close to 20 families. nobody is. the overwhelming majority of the relationships are based on convenience.

check back in five years and let us know how many of those families you're still "close" to.

Jealous much? Close in that we talk everyday and travel with them, I could leave my kids there if I had to call at 2am for a hospital emergency, we travel with them.. I just said my best friends aren’t these people. But yah I would say we have pretty good relationships, being able to call at any hour and get help in an emergency.

Wow. I would have been hard-pressed to find enough parents I liked enough to make that kind of effort. I never realized how weird some people are until I was forced to socialize with the school crowd. I had to work hard to find my people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have about 20 families we are close with. Initiate group dinners at family friendly places is a good one to get the parents involved. I’ll text our baseball team and say “anyone want to meet for Pizza” after practice especially if it’s a Friday or Sat/Sun. Usually half the team goes. I met most when the kids were babies in our neighborhood though. The ones I am close with after is by being helpful or offering to share carpools for activities.

you're not close to 20 families. nobody is. the overwhelming majority of the relationships are based on convenience.

check back in five years and let us know how many of those families you're still "close" to.

Jealous much? Close in that we talk everyday and travel with them, I could leave my kids there if I had to call at 2am for a hospital emergency, we travel with them.. I just said my best friends aren’t these people. But yah I would say we have pretty good relationships, being able to call at any hour and get help in an emergency.

You talk to 20 people every day?

Yes, it’s not uncommon in close knit communities with a few group texts. OP is asking how to get to the next level with elementary school families and I am giving advice- plan a dinner with an existing group or offer a carpool group to be helpful. A lot of planning and organizing is done through these group messages. Usually a sports team or dance group, or a prek class. I have three kids so a few groups. But as I said, my best friend are separate and I put the most energy into them. We don’t have kids that line up at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have about 20 families we are close with. Initiate group dinners at family friendly places is a good one to get the parents involved. I’ll text our baseball team and say “anyone want to meet for Pizza” after practice especially if it’s a Friday or Sat/Sun. Usually half the team goes. I met most when the kids were babies in our neighborhood though. The ones I am close with after is by being helpful or offering to share carpools for activities.

you're not close to 20 families. nobody is. the overwhelming majority of the relationships are based on convenience.

check back in five years and let us know how many of those families you're still "close" to.

Jealous much? Close in that we talk everyday and travel with them, I could leave my kids there if I had to call at 2am for a hospital emergency, we travel with them.. I just said my best friends aren’t these people. But yah I would say we have pretty good relationships, being able to call at any hour and get help in an emergency.

Wow. I would have been hard-pressed to find enough parents I liked enough to make that kind of effort. I never realized how weird some people are until I was forced to socialize with the school crowd. I had to work hard to find my people.

That’s your issue then. My kids really enjoy doing social things and weekend trips with their friends and they are only young once. In Hs this will likely come to an end. You don’t have to insult someone because you have different dynamics. The OP is asking how to get to know people in her kid’s elementary school. The whole thread is based on that. No one is forced to socialize with anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have about 20 families we are close with. Initiate group dinners at family friendly places is a good one to get the parents involved. I’ll text our baseball team and say “anyone want to meet for Pizza” after practice especially if it’s a Friday or Sat/Sun. Usually half the team goes. I met most when the kids were babies in our neighborhood though. The ones I am close with after is by being helpful or offering to share carpools for activities.

If you're CLOSE with 20 families how many are acquaintances?

We have about the same acquaintances. The 20 families are people I talk to on a regular basis and we travel with on overnight trips with their families every year, it’s 4 separate trips.

you travel overnight with 20 different families over the course of an average year? I call bullshit unless it's travel sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have about 20 families we are close with. Initiate group dinners at family friendly places is a good one to get the parents involved. I’ll text our baseball team and say “anyone want to meet for Pizza” after practice especially if it’s a Friday or Sat/Sun. Usually half the team goes. I met most when the kids were babies in our neighborhood though. The ones I am close with after is by being helpful or offering to share carpools for activities.

you're not close to 20 families. nobody is. the overwhelming majority of the relationships are based on convenience.

check back in five years and let us know how many of those families you're still "close" to.

Jealous much? Close in that we talk everyday and travel with them, I could leave my kids there if I had to call at 2am for a hospital emergency, we travel with them.. I just said my best friends aren’t these people. But yah I would say we have pretty good relationships, being able to call at any hour and get help in an emergency.

jealous? hardly. sounds like hell. we have actual friends of our own and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have about 20 families we are close with. Initiate group dinners at family friendly places is a good one to get the parents involved. I’ll text our baseball team and say “anyone want to meet for Pizza” after practice especially if it’s a Friday or Sat/Sun. Usually half the team goes. I met most when the kids were babies in our neighborhood though. The ones I am close with after is by being helpful or offering to share carpools for activities.

If you're CLOSE with 20 families how many are acquaintances?

We have about the same acquaintances. The 20 families are people I talk to on a regular basis and we travel with on overnight trips with their families every year, it’s 4 separate trips.

you travel overnight with 20 different families over the course of an average year? I call bullshit unless it's travel sports.

Not travel sports, we have know the families for over 7 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have about 20 families we are close with. Initiate group dinners at family friendly places is a good one to get the parents involved. I’ll text our baseball team and say “anyone want to meet for Pizza” after practice especially if it’s a Friday or Sat/Sun. Usually half the team goes. I met most when the kids were babies in our neighborhood though. The ones I am close with after is by being helpful or offering to share carpools for activities.

If you're CLOSE with 20 families how many are acquaintances?

We have about the same acquaintances. The 20 families are people I talk to on a regular basis and we travel with on overnight trips with their families every year, it’s 4 separate trips.

you travel overnight with 20 different families over the course of an average year? I call bullshit unless it's travel sports.

Not travel sports, we have know the families for over 7 years.

you have been going on four trips a year with a combined 20 families and have been doing this with those same families for 7 years. is that what you're saying? that would be weird AF if it were true, but it isn't true. these aren't informal "friend" trips -- they are some kind of organized activity for the kids, which is not the same thing at all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have about 20 families we are close with. Initiate group dinners at family friendly places is a good one to get the parents involved. I’ll text our baseball team and say “anyone want to meet for Pizza” after practice especially if it’s a Friday or Sat/Sun. Usually half the team goes. I met most when the kids were babies in our neighborhood though. The ones I am close with after is by being helpful or offering to share carpools for activities.

If you're CLOSE with 20 families how many are acquaintances?

We have about the same acquaintances. The 20 families are people I talk to on a regular basis and we travel with on overnight trips with their families every year, it’s 4 separate trips.

you travel overnight with 20 different families over the course of an average year? I call bullshit unless it's travel sports.

Not travel sports, we have know the families for over 7 years.

you have been going on four trips a year with a combined 20 families and have been doing this with those same families for 7 years. is that what you're saying? that would be weird AF if it were true, but it isn't true. these aren't informal "friend" trips -- they are some kind of organized activity for the kids, which is not the same thing at all

We got every year to the same beach, get 3 houses next to each other with one group for 4 nights. 5 years. 7 families

Do a couples weekend to a different location with 8 couples.

We go to one’s ski house with 4 families a long weekend.

I do a girls trip with 13 of the moms every year for 3-4 nights. An overnight at a spa hotel and we have done a few longer.

we travel with our own family most of the time and with friends who don’t have any kid overlap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have about 20 families we are close with. Initiate group dinners at family friendly places is a good one to get the parents involved. I’ll text our baseball team and say “anyone want to meet for Pizza” after practice especially if it’s a Friday or Sat/Sun. Usually half the team goes. I met most when the kids were babies in our neighborhood though. The ones I am close with after is by being helpful or offering to share carpools for activities.

If you're CLOSE with 20 families how many are acquaintances?

We have about the same acquaintances. The 20 families are people I talk to on a regular basis and we travel with on overnight trips with their families every year, it’s 4 separate trips.

you travel overnight with 20 different families over the course of an average year? I call bullshit unless it's travel sports.

Not travel sports, we have know the families for over 7 years.

you have been going on four trips a year with a combined 20 families and have been doing this with those same families for 7 years. is that what you're saying? that would be weird AF if it were true, but it isn't true. these aren't informal "friend" trips -- they are some kind of organized activity for the kids, which is not the same thing at all

We got every year to the same beach, get 3 houses next to each other with one group for 4 nights. 5 years. 7 families

Do a couples weekend to a different location with 8 couples.

We go to one’s ski house with 4 families a long weekend.

I do a girls trip with 13 of the moms every year for 3-4 nights. An overnight at a spa hotel and we have done a few longer.

we travel with our own family most of the time and with friends who don’t have any kid overlap.

This is so weird. OP, disregard this weirdo. This is not typical and not all of those 20 families are really true friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have about 20 families we are close with. Initiate group dinners at family friendly places is a good one to get the parents involved. I’ll text our baseball team and say “anyone want to meet for Pizza” after practice especially if it’s a Friday or Sat/Sun. Usually half the team goes. I met most when the kids were babies in our neighborhood though. The ones I am close with after is by being helpful or offering to share carpools for activities.

If you're CLOSE with 20 families how many are acquaintances?

We have about the same acquaintances. The 20 families are people I talk to on a regular basis and we travel with on overnight trips with their families every year, it’s 4 separate trips.

you travel overnight with 20 different families over the course of an average year? I call bullshit unless it's travel sports.

Not travel sports, we have know the families for over 7 years.

you have been going on four trips a year with a combined 20 families and have been doing this with those same families for 7 years. is that what you're saying? that would be weird AF if it were true, but it isn't true. these aren't informal "friend" trips -- they are some kind of organized activity for the kids, which is not the same thing at all

We got every year to the same beach, get 3 houses next to each other with one group for 4 nights. 5 years. 7 families

Do a couples weekend to a different location with 8 couples.

We go to one’s ski house with 4 families a long weekend.

I do a girls trip with 13 of the moms every year for 3-4 nights. An overnight at a spa hotel and we have done a few longer.

we travel with our own family most of the time and with friends who don’t have any kid overlap.

This is so weird. OP, disregard this weirdo. This is not typical and not all of those 20 families are really true friends.

It’s pretty normal for many families. Not sure why this is so upsetting for you. You’re the weird one. Worry about yourself ,the OP is asking how to get closer to other families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have about 20 families we are close with. Initiate group dinners at family friendly places is a good one to get the parents involved. I’ll text our baseball team and say “anyone want to meet for Pizza” after practice especially if it’s a Friday or Sat/Sun. Usually half the team goes. I met most when the kids were babies in our neighborhood though. The ones I am close with after is by being helpful or offering to share carpools for activities.

If you're CLOSE with 20 families how many are acquaintances?

We have about the same acquaintances. The 20 families are people I talk to on a regular basis and we travel with on overnight trips with their families every year, it’s 4 separate trips.

you travel overnight with 20 different families over the course of an average year? I call bullshit unless it's travel sports.

Not travel sports, we have know the families for over 7 years.

you have been going on four trips a year with a combined 20 families and have been doing this with those same families for 7 years. is that what you're saying? that would be weird AF if it were true, but it isn't true. these aren't informal "friend" trips -- they are some kind of organized activity for the kids, which is not the same thing at all

We got every year to the same beach, get 3 houses next to each other with one group for 4 nights. 5 years. 7 families

Do a couples weekend to a different location with 8 couples.

We go to one’s ski house with 4 families a long weekend.

I do a girls trip with 13 of the moms every year for 3-4 nights. An overnight at a spa hotel and we have done a few longer.

we travel with our own family most of the time and with friends who don’t have any kid overlap.

This is so weird. OP, disregard this weirdo. This is not typical and not all of those 20 families are really true friends.

It’s pretty normal for many families. Not sure why this is so upsetting for you. You’re the weird one. Worry about yourself ,the OP is asking how to get closer to other families.

This is really not that typical. Glad it works for all of you

Dp

[Anonymous]

I think the ideal situation is to make friends when your kids are very little (K or younger) but with moms your kids won’t ultimately go to school with. As you get past lower ES, the kid relationships become too important and it doesn’t matter that Susie is your BFF if her kid is mean to yours or your kid has outgrown the friendship. But if you’re at different schools it’s muted, and the kids are probably fine for family get togethers, etc.

But I also think that (maybe outside of a new moms group?), the intensity of exposure to others is just so much lower than in other settings where you’re trying to make friends (college) that it takes much longer to make really close friends. So, be patient!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have about 20 families we are close with. Initiate group dinners at family friendly places is a good one to get the parents involved. I’ll text our baseball team and say “anyone want to meet for Pizza” after practice especially if it’s a Friday or Sat/Sun. Usually half the team goes. I met most when the kids were babies in our neighborhood though. The ones I am close with after is by being helpful or offering to share carpools for activities.

If you're CLOSE with 20 families how many are acquaintances?

We have about the same acquaintances. The 20 families are people I talk to on a regular basis and we travel with on overnight trips with their families every year, it’s 4 separate trips.

you travel overnight with 20 different families over the course of an average year? I call bullshit unless it's travel sports.

Not travel sports, we have know the families for over 7 years.

you have been going on four trips a year with a combined 20 families and have been doing this with those same families for 7 years. is that what you're saying? that would be weird AF if it were true, but it isn't true. these aren't informal "friend" trips -- they are some kind of organized activity for the kids, which is not the same thing at all

We got every year to the same beach, get 3 houses next to each other with one group for 4 nights. 5 years. 7 families

Do a couples weekend to a different location with 8 couples.

We go to one’s ski house with 4 families a long weekend.

I do a girls trip with 13 of the moms every year for 3-4 nights. An overnight at a spa hotel and we have done a few longer.

we travel with our own family most of the time and with friends who don’t have any kid overlap.

This is so weird. OP, disregard this weirdo. This is not typical and not all of those 20 families are really true friends.

Agreed. This is truly bizarre. Sounds like a cult.

[Anonymous]

Hi op! I felt like this in K and I really felt like it got better in 1st and I felt less like I was in high school again. Still trying to figure it out a bit but we’re making some friends through our pool with swim team this summer and neighbors has been the easiest. I have found the kids my kid gravitates to haven’t always been the parents I vibe with and as others have said here that trying to be friends with your kids friends parents can backfire since they will switch up. So if you meet parents you click with at the park, ask for their number and go for it even if not your kids people. I think trips and weekends away help a lot because you do need those experiences together like you said and it’s really hard to get enough of them with so much happening. But I have overall found it easier in first - my kid started doing more, overlapping with more families so we started seeing the same people more etc. So hang in there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
DS (my oldest) started K last fall. We were relatively new to the area and I was excited to use school as an opportunity to meet other parents. Over the course of the school year, there were 2 families that we ended up connecting with and having our kids do some playdates. There were other parents that I met throughout the year who I liked, but sometimes it did not seem like they were interested in connecting (e.g., if they had older kids and a busy schedule). At times it felt a bit like I was back in high school trying to navigate the social scene...not something I've felt I had to do in years!

I'd love to hear about other people's experiences connecting with other parents (particularly interested in the early elementary school years).

Specifically:
- How old are your kids and how many other parents/families would you say that you are close to or that your kids have regular playdates with?
- How long did it take to get to the point of feeling like you were actually friends?
- Are you someone who tends to initiate playdates? How do you decide when a good time to ask would be? Personally I tend not to initiate, or I might say something like "it would be great to have a playdate sometime" without actually scheduling something, as I'm not sure if the other person is interested.
- Any advice for someone who is eager to make friends, but understands that everyone is busy or may already have enough people in their lives?

Ha OP I so.hear you on the "feeling like HS" in that navigating new friendships well into adulthood feels so fraught!

My kids are 1st grade and preschool. There are about 5 families that I would say we are genuinely friends with from elementary school. Got to know them in K. They are all in our neighborhood (ours kids walk to school in the morning so parents repeatedly met at dropoff) and we belong to a neighborhood pool. I say this to emphasize it took a lot of interaction before it felt natural and comfortable and really like "friends" somewhat organically.

Playdates are great and I do initiate but so did these other families. It felt mutual.

From there we started getting invited to family events like Halloween ToT together and then hang out at someone's house with a move playing outside for kids and drinks for adults. We reciprocated with BBQ and mixed these with other friends and neighbors. Another family organized a ski weekend that was very open (sent to a whole bunch of people). It takes people initiating and not necessarily knowing how receptive everyone will be - maybe helps to have 1-2 people you know are interested.

It's not for everyone and it doesn't always work out but it's like striking gold. We have some preschool families that are friends too. Some might say these won't last but fine - they are providing a lot of value and companionship and kid connection in this season regardless.

One thing I've noticed is that a lot of these families don't have a ton of family nearby. So they are looking for community. And we are mostly transplants from other places. Despite some DCUM negativity I do think there are a lot of ot DMV folks looking for a village like this.