Struggling with not thinking like the group (at work, home, everywhere) - How can I fix this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, this may be me, but I am a foreigner. No autism here.
I notice details others seem to miss. If a customer arrives upset, I notice it. I can also tell you which items a customer might leave behind like sunglasses on the corner of their table.
My coworkers would not care, because the customer hasn't even left yet. But then act so surprised when the item if left behind. I tried to tell them meanwhile to make sure this wouldn't happen. Falls flat every time.
Maybe this is not what you are talking about, but this is my problem. The other day I put two separate occurrences together. Nobody else knew they even happened even though they were there.
I need to care less or be involved less. Drives me crazy when they don't notice.[/quote

Op here. I experience the exact same feelings you do PP. Similar scenarios too.

Of course it falls flat, you are nagging people you don't even know when they haven't yet forgotten their sunglasses. It's ridiculous. It doesn't show that you "care" about them or are smarter than everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you have autism, OP.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I was trying to think of other examples to assist in what I’m trying to explain.

DH bought a Magnolia brand room spray from Target. He left it in a downstairs room bookshelf because it didn’t last long and wasn’t exactly an amazing scent. A day or so later, teenage DD asked who it belonged to also asking if she could have it and take it to her room. I explained sure why not. DH over dinner asks where the room spray is - I explain she has it, she took it up to spray her room. She hops in with no, she didn’t take it up to spray her room but that I said that she could have it.
To me, for what other purpose would you want a room spray but to spray your room. She disagrees and we go back and forth for a moment over this scenario of who has ownership of this spray, its use and where it is.

I’m left confused because to me, what other reason would you take a room spray to your room other than to spray it?!

Things like this often happen.

A work example recently is Bob sent me an email that Gregorio and Dawn were wrapping up on updates to a deliverable from feedback received at a meeting. He asks that I setup time to show those updates to the client. He shares dates that can work. Later in this same email he mentions that those deliverables will be sent over once complete.

I schedule the update reveal meeting only to be asked by Gregorio and Dawn why it’s set when those deliverables will be sent later. So I share the same email from Bob to them.

The three of them had a different interpretation that the deliverables would be shared when complete not revealed in the update meeting.

To me, to set a meeting to share updates is to show the updates. All of the updates are visible updates. Think changing Exxon’s sign from red to blue and font to cursive.

Maybe I infer differently?

I’m confident in what I hear and what my action is to be but it seems others are also confident but assume I am going to do or say something differently.

To the other PP- If someone asks what I could do differently, I wouldn’t have anything that I would change since it’s how would have interpreted the situations.

For the person who asked about an example for responses being different to my questions - I think the best example would be of a recent situation, again working with Bob, in that I asked if there is funding for Gregorio and Dawn’s team to attend a conference. Bob went into detail about why it’s great to have team members attend conferences but not responding directly to if he has funding to send him.

[Anonymous]

Op again. In response to another PP on people pleaser - yes, I was told that growing up. I would still say I am.

[Anonymous]

Most of my friends are artists or have a creative flare. When I’m outside of that circle, it can be harder. Folks that think in a more linear fashion need a bridge at times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I was trying to think of other examples to assist in what I’m trying to explain.

DH bought a Magnolia brand room spray from Target. He left it in a downstairs room bookshelf because it didn’t last long and wasn’t exactly an amazing scent. A day or so later, teenage DD asked who it belonged to also asking if she could have it and take it to her room. I explained sure why not. DH over dinner asks where the room spray is - I explain she has it, she took it up to spray her room. She hops in with no, she didn’t take it up to spray her room but that I said that she could have it.
To me, for what other purpose would you want a room spray but to spray your room. She disagrees and we go back and forth for a moment over this scenario of who has ownership of this spray, its use and where it is.

I’m left confused because to me, what other reason would you take a room spray to your room other than to spray it?!

Things like this often happen.

A work example recently is Bob sent me an email that Gregorio and Dawn were wrapping up on updates to a deliverable from feedback received at a meeting. He asks that I setup time to show those updates to the client. He shares dates that can work. Later in this same email he mentions that those deliverables will be sent over once complete.

I schedule the update reveal meeting only to be asked by Gregorio and Dawn why it’s set when those deliverables will be sent later. So I share the same email from Bob to them.

The three of them had a different interpretation that the deliverables would be shared when complete not revealed in the update meeting.

To me, to set a meeting to share updates is to show the updates. All of the updates are visible updates. Think changing Exxon’s sign from red to blue and font to cursive.

Maybe I infer differently?

I’m confident in what I hear and what my action is to be but it seems others are also confident but assume I am going to do or say something differently.

To the other PP- If someone asks what I could do differently, I wouldn’t have anything that I would change since it’s how would have interpreted the situations.

For the person who asked about an example for responses being different to my questions - I think the best example would be of a recent situation, again working with Bob, in that I asked if there is funding for Gregorio and Dawn’s team to attend a conference. Bob went into detail about why it’s great to have team members attend conferences but not responding directly to if he has funding to send him.

In the work situation - Bob told you to schedule the meeting. Assuming Bob has the authority to do that, you didn't misunderstand anything. Next time it might be good to check in with the other people involved - "Hey, Bob told me to schedule this, so you'll see an invite soon for the 30th," and then they can deal with Bob if they disagree.

In the family situation - teenagers argue. But if thats your normal family dynamic, it sounds exhausting. I would cut off conversation about what everybody meant and only ask the questions that close the matter: "Can DD have the spray or does it need to stay in the basement? OK, great."

The funding situation is the one where I think you might misunderstand. Nobody knows off the top of their head whether there's $x for a conference. Either Bob is not the budget guy at all (so he's the wrong person to ask whether there's funding) or he needs a written request as part of whatever process he has for expense planning. He should have said that instead of expressing support for conferences generally, but he might have assumed you knew more than you do about who handles the funding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have always felt this way, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten more confident. The world needs people who sees things differently.

What you need is people who appreciate that you think differently. This may not be the people you hang out with right now. That’s cool…you don’t have to stop hanging out with them, but you can understand that maybe they aren’t truly your people. Appreciate whatever they do offer, and know that there’s a level beyond which you won’t connect.

This. I also don't fit in to the crowd and it's hard. You think there's something wrong with you and it's really just that you're probably an authentic person. Most people fit in too easily. Just be. Sometimes you'll find your people and other times you won't. A friend of mine once said that the beautiful stand alone. F everyone who doesn't get you as long as you get yourself.