Struggling with not thinking like the group (at work, home, everywhere) - How can I fix this?

[Anonymous]

It seems my interpretation and observation is not like the other people around me and then on the flip side, when I raise a question they seem to be responding in a way that isn’t what I’m actually asking.

I cannot tell how to fix this. What can I do?

Why am I always coming away with a different point of view or takeaway?

It lowers my confidence.

I’m trying to think of a good example but its hard without background to specific situations it seems. If someone could post here and I’ll see if my takeaway from what you post is the same as others who join this thread.

[Anonymous]

I kind of have a sense of what you’re saying.

When that has happened to me, it’s a sign that I’m just not a fit for a specific local culture, a team at work, or a neighborhood. Places where I can pinpoint that happening have been among the wives at a past job of DH’s job that required a lot of socializing, a volunteer commitment, a neighborhood swim club, and a job at a startup. It felt like nothing I said was the right thing or my questions were met with a response to a totally different question, and little ways of joking around or making comments didn’t match from my side or theirs.

In all cases I should have fit in with others based on socioeconomic factors, educational background, etc. but I just didn’t. And in all cases I didn’t recognize how poor the fit was until I moved on to a different version of the same place/job/social group.

[Anonymous]

So, most people would post a generic example.
You have asked DCUM to ... post a scenario so you can respond to it? And then other people tell you if they agree with your response?

I think you should try imagining yourself in the place of the other person. In their shoes, would you understand the question? Would you want to do the thing asked? Is it the simplest way to get to the goal?

[Anonymous]

Maybe you should spend less time thinking/talking and more time observing/listening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, most people would post a generic example.
You have asked DCUM to ... post a scenario so you can respond to it? And then other people tell you if they agree with your response?

I think you should try imagining yourself in the place of the other person. In their shoes, would you understand the question? Would you want to do the thing asked? Is it the simplest way to get to the goal?

Yeah, I feel like OP kinda made her point just in the way she framed this.

[Anonymous]

Assuming I’m understanding you correctly, I know exactly what you mean because I’ve experienced it everywhere. And I’ve lived in lots of different places with all kinds of people.

I don’t really think there is a true fix for this. You could adjust your behavior and questions, sure, but that would just be a way of hiding your own opinions and feelings. In my case, I simply accepted my differences and do my best not to get impatient with the masses. I also found DH, whom I see eye to eye with more frequently than with the general public, but not always. It also helps to have one friend who is similar, or is at least accepting and a good listener.

[Anonymous]

I have always felt this way, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten more confident. The world needs people who sees things differently.

What you need is people who appreciate that you think differently. This may not be the people you hang out with right now. That’s cool…you don’t have to stop hanging out with them, but you can understand that maybe they aren’t truly your people. Appreciate whatever they do offer, and know that there’s a level beyond which you won’t connect.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am also like this, and like the PPs, I try to be around people who are patient/tolerant/understanding of this as much as possible.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think I can truly grasp what you mean without an example, OP. But that’s just how MY brain works, and how I learn.

Do you find yourself struggling to make social connections, OP? I’m so seeing how this impacts you in the day-to-day.

[Anonymous]

*wondering how ^^

[Anonymous]

Is English your first language? The way you write is a bit odd/stilted.

[Anonymous]

What exactly do you mean? Seems like you can't present your question clearly. Newsflash, if everyone thinks of it in a certain way, you are the problem.

[Anonymous]

Op, this may be me, but I am a foreigner. No autism here.
I notice details others seem to miss. If a customer arrives upset, I notice it. I can also tell you which items a customer might leave behind like sunglasses on the corner of their table.
My coworkers would not care, because the customer hasn't even left yet. But then act so surprised when the item if left behind. I tried to tell them meanwhile to make sure this wouldn't happen. Falls flat every time.
Maybe this is not what you are talking about, but this is my problem. The other day I put two separate occurrences together. Nobody else knew they even happened even though they were there.
I need to care less or be involved less. Drives me crazy when they don't notice.

[Anonymous]

You seem to think it’s the difference of viewpoints/opinions, but to me it sounds more like an issue with communication (and, not to pile on, but your OP is a good example of that). The phrase that jumped out from your OP is the “I ask a question and get a totally different type of response”. That seems to imply that someone is completely misunderstanding you or that your point is not coming across well.

I wouldn’t jump to “autism” right away but do consider that you might have a learning disability. There are many that can affect language/processing/communication. For example, my DD has a learning disability in “reading comprehension” but it can manifest itself in speech. She struggles with inferences, analogies, metaphors etc. among other things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, this may be me, but I am a foreigner. No autism here.
I notice details others seem to miss. If a customer arrives upset, I notice it. I can also tell you which items a customer might leave behind like sunglasses on the corner of their table.
My coworkers would not care, because the customer hasn't even left yet. But then act so surprised when the item if left behind. I tried to tell them meanwhile to make sure this wouldn't happen. Falls flat every time.
Maybe this is not what you are talking about, but this is my problem. The other day I put two separate occurrences together. Nobody else knew they even happened even though they were there.
I need to care less or be involved less. Drives me crazy when they don't notice.

How can you tell that someone will leave their sunglasses on the corner of the table? I mean, what are the clues?

I still don’t understand what OP means.