How involved is your child’s father with your teen daughter’s dating life?

[Anonymous]

Wow. I had no idea people still thought this way.

My children, regardless of gender, choose who they want to date. We meet those people because we love our children and are interested in their lives, so we enjoy meeting their friends and romantic interests. We do not meet them to vet them in some bizarre masculine intimidation ritual.

Yes, OP, I would share that information with my husband, because we are partners in parenting and he wouldn’t use the information to embarrass, tease, or control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is pretty clueless and I think he prefers it that way. My daughter (17) has dated a few boys but it takes him awhile to catch on bc she tends to be friends with these boys first. I don’t tell him much bc even when I mention this friend or that most of the time he can’t remember who is who. They are just the teenage hoard that comes over to him.

Mine too but it also seems like willful ignorance. Do you feel compelled for you and DH to “get to know” the boyfriend and his parents as well?

[Anonymous]

No dating from K-12. Allowed to have friends of opposite sex in group settings. Lots of socialization, working together etc. No crazy party, no mixed sleepovers, no purposeless loitering together.

My kids knew to blame me for being too strict to get out of any opposite sex situation they did not want to be in.

Both of my kids started dating in college. Both married to super achievers and good people, very similar to them. Both married to people outside our culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nada, zilch. My husband and daughter don’t talk at all about her dating life.

Is the boy allowed to come over? Hang out with the family? How does this work when the dad doesn’t want to acknowledge that his daughter is dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nada, zilch. My husband and daughter don’t talk at all about her dating life.

This but it’s just because DH is clueless. He’s still asking about Jane and if they ever hang out. Jane was a close friend in 2nd grade. He’s completely oblivious to who her current friends are and even though he’s around and “listening” he doesn’t seem to remember. He will be involved if anything ever gets serious with the kids. If you ask him, he would say our 17 yo son has never been on a date and that’s not true either. He’s just clueless to how dating looks now.

My father was similar. He would make some stupid jokes how boys coming around would be scared of him but he was a generally a nice guy who had no idea when the big groups or acquaintances at our house were friends or more. Just oblivious. My mom was more observant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nada, zilch. My husband and daughter don’t talk at all about her dating life.

Is the boy allowed to come over? Hang out with the family? How does this work when the dad doesn’t want to acknowledge that his daughter is dating?

Oh I didn’t mean to imply he doesn’t acknowledge it. The boyfriend does come over and we occasionally go to dinner together. But my DD will never confide or chat with my husband about her boyfriend. It’s just not that way between them. Like someone else said, dad can be clueless about this stuff and not very easy to talk to.

[Anonymous]

Buddy of mine is liberal Democrat. When his daughter turned 13, he bought a shotgun. No ammunition, just bought the gun. Anytime his daughter has a boy over, he spends the time cleaning his gun ostentatiously. It is a very clean gun. Never been used (no ammo) and he plans to sell it once she graduates college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is a Sophomore and just started talking to me about who she’s been “talking to” when it comes to boys. Her version of “talking to” is the same as what I called dating or seeing each other as a teen. While it wasn’t going on dates, it was those boyfriend/girlfriend phone calls, hallway discussions, holding hands, all of that stuff.

She hasn’t raised this to him, and I’m not sure having been raised by a single mom, does the mom then go tell the dad everything the daughter told her?

If you withhold stuff from your husband, it's almost like cheating. However you can have a few secrets from him, if the daughter asks you to not tell him. Use discretion.

Some things dads won't want to know about their daughters. Same as some things moms don't want to know about their sons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I regularly talk about all aspects of parenting our kids, and that includes their dating/relationships/friends. I don’t hide anything from him, and a bunch comes up just in discussion. But I don’t run to tell him every word my kids say either.

+1

[Anonymous]

Would like to hear from the dads. What are your rules for your daughter on dating and how do you handle it? Are you nice to the bf? Intimidating? Avoidant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP, DCUM has always had something against single mothers. Now with the new influx of MAGA and right-wing posters, it's even worse.

Next time, to avoid getting negativity just because of that one data point, you might want to leave that out. There are lots of husbands who are clueless about their daughter's social lives, mine included. You might just as well have implied that you're all living in the same house.

????

OP is not a single mom. She said that she was raised by a single mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should suggest she involve her father in these talks because

1. Advice from two trusted adults is even better than advice from only one trusted adult

2. Her father was, presumably, a teen boy in his past. He may have insights that you don't.

This.

Fathers need to 1. be looped in at high level as a father; 2. provide some boy perspectives

But I wanna emphasize that most girls at this stage need a fully trustworthy adult to confide their most intimate relationship/feelings. It's usually mom. Don't breach the trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP, DCUM has always had something against single mothers. Now with the new influx of MAGA and right-wing posters, it's even worse.

Next time, to avoid getting negativity just because of that one data point, you might want to leave that out. There are lots of husbands who are clueless about their daughter's social lives, mine included. You might just as well have implied that you're all living in the same house.

MAGA damaged your head.