How involved is your child’s father with your teen daughter’s dating life?

[Anonymous]

DD is a Sophomore and just started talking to me about who she’s been “talking to” when it comes to boys. Her version of “talking to” is the same as what I called dating or seeing each other as a teen. While it wasn’t going on dates, it was those boyfriend/girlfriend phone calls, hallway discussions, holding hands, all of that stuff.

She hasn’t raised this to him, and I’m not sure having been raised by a single mom, does the mom then go tell the dad everything the daughter told her?

[Anonymous]

I don't think you need to tell your DH everything. But he should know she's dating and maybe who. Also, make sure she understands protection and birth control. Even if she's not there yet, she might be there before you know it and she needs to know she can ask you to get it organized.

[Anonymous]

Since you don’t have a father, it's important to understand that a father's role often includes protecting their child from potential harm, especially from young men. Therefore, it's crucial to be open and honest with him about such relationships to ensure her safety and well-being.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I regularly talk about all aspects of parenting our kids, and that includes their dating/relationships/friends. I don’t hide anything from him, and a bunch comes up just in discussion. But I don’t run to tell him every word my kids say either.

[Anonymous]

Let’s get one thing straight: even if you were raised by a pack of wolves, the dad needs to know. Why? Because, listen closely, his job—his sacred, biological, caveman-instinct job—is to protect his child from the hormonal, questionable-decision-making, potentially heart-breaking young men out there. You don’t get to opt out of that just because you were raised by a single mom. No, no, no. You march right over to that man and you lay it all out. "DD is 'talking to' boys, and by 'talking to,' I mean she’s basically in a relationship without the formal dinner dates, but with all the drama, the late-night texts, and the hand-holding that makes you want to scream into a pillow."

[Anonymous]

I think you should suggest she involve her father in these talks because

1. Advice from two trusted adults is even better than advice from only one trusted adult

2. Her father was, presumably, a teen boy in his past. He may have insights that you don't.

[Anonymous]

If the father is a reasonable fellow, then by all means, someone should share this news, like any other news involving his child. It's not an emergency, OP, but he needs to know.

If the father has been sidelined because of his anger issues and controlling, punitive behavior, then you might want to be very careful about a subject that could potentially trigger a disproportional response. I say this because I've met a lot of men who are reflexively aggressive when it comes to whom their daughters are dating. My best friend's husband joked about sitting on his porch with a shotgun, when the young man arrives to pick up his date.

This thread has been cleaned up, at my request, but I see there are still proponents of the traditional male response on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If the father is a reasonable fellow, then by all means, someone should share this news, like any other news involving his child. It's not an emergency, OP, but he needs to know.

If the father has been sidelined because of his anger issues and controlling, punitive behavior, then you might want to be very careful about a subject that could potentially trigger a disproportional response. I say this because I've met a lot of men who are reflexively aggressive when it comes to whom their daughters are dating. My best friend's husband joked about sitting on his porch with a shotgun, when the young man arrives to pick up his date.

This thread has been cleaned up, at my request, but I see there are still proponents of the traditional male response on here.

You actually asked to have other’s responses deleted because they’re “too traditional”? Sorry about your daddy issues.

[Anonymous]

All immediate family would be meeting any date before they take my daughter out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If the father is a reasonable fellow, then by all means, someone should share this news, like any other news involving his child. It's not an emergency, OP, but he needs to know.

If the father has been sidelined because of his anger issues and controlling, punitive behavior, then you might want to be very careful about a subject that could potentially trigger a disproportional response. I say this because I've met a lot of men who are reflexively aggressive when it comes to whom their daughters are dating. My best friend's husband joked about sitting on his porch with a shotgun, when the young man arrives to pick up his date.

This thread has been cleaned up, at my request, but I see there are still proponents of the traditional male response on here.

You actually asked to have other’s responses deleted because they’re “too traditional”? Sorry about your daddy issues.

No, the deleted posts were something far worse - let's just say at the extreme of what's considered traditional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All immediate family would be meeting any date before they take my daughter out.

There's no "taking out" .They're meeting at school. Please drag yourself into the modern era, co-ed schools, all that stuff. To many people, this isn't even dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let’s get one thing straight: even if you were raised by a pack of wolves, the dad needs to know. Why? Because, listen closely, his job—his sacred, biological, caveman-instinct job—is to protect his child from the hormonal, questionable-decision-making, potentially heart-breaking young men out there. You don’t get to opt out of that just because you were raised by a single mom. No, no, no. You march right over to that man and you lay it all out. "DD is 'talking to' boys, and by 'talking to,' I mean she’s basically in a relationship without the formal dinner dates, but with all the drama, the late-night texts, and the hand-holding that makes you want to scream into a pillow."

Ultra-conservative point of view. No, men don't have a "sacred, biological, caveman-instinct job" when it comes to their daughters. That's a construct born of the philosophy that women are property, and that the man of the house has total control over all the people living in it.

But yes, parents need to know what their kids are generally up to.

[Anonymous]

OP, DCUM has always had something against single mothers. Now with the new influx of MAGA and right-wing posters, it's even worse.

Next time, to avoid getting negativity just because of that one data point, you might want to leave that out. There are lots of husbands who are clueless about their daughter's social lives, mine included. You might just as well have implied that you're all living in the same house.

[Anonymous]

My husband is pretty clueless and I think he prefers it that way. My daughter (17) has dated a few boys but it takes him awhile to catch on bc she tends to be friends with these boys first. I don’t tell him much bc even when I mention this friend or that most of the time he can’t remember who is who. They are just the teenage hoard that comes over to him.

[Anonymous]

I think these responses are spot on, any normal father wants to have a say in his daughter’s dating life. That’s his job.