Birthday party—how would you have diffused this mom?

[Anonymous]

This surprises me. I never make extra favors (if I make them at all), and sometimes sibling join in. I’ve never once heard a complaint about not getting favors. Big sister can share her bag of cheap garbage with little sister. I don’t get what the problem is. In fact, as the parent, the fever favor bags we get, the better

[Anonymous]

No more party favors. Problem solved!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Forget about it. Sometimes parents keep up a continuous stream of sympathetic nonsense with toddlers to keep them from melting down.

It isn't your fault or your responsibility how the mom or Peep feels. Let them work it out. Your responsibility was only to host Mary in a manner respectful of her dietary needs.

+1

This sounds more like a mom who doesn’t know how to say no to her toddler than a mom who thought it was your fault/problem. Just let it go.

Next time, though, if she wants Bo to stay, I would say “unfortunately, I’m not in a position to supervise additional, younger kids. Of course she is welcome to join in the fun but you’ll need to stay as well to watch her.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Forget about it. Sometimes parents keep up a continuous stream of sympathetic nonsense with toddlers to keep them from melting down.

It isn't your fault or your responsibility how the mom or Peep feels. Let them work it out. Your responsibility was only to host Mary in a manner respectful of her dietary needs.

+1

This sounds more like a mom who doesn’t know how to say no to her toddler than a mom who thought it was your fault/problem. Just let it go.

Next time, though, if she wants Bo to stay, I would say “unfortunately, I’m not in a position to supervise additional, younger kids. Of course she is welcome to join in the fun but you’ll need to stay as well to watch her.”

PP also to add - and tell her there are no extra party favors. Birthday girl can keep hers next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Forget about it. Sometimes parents keep up a continuous stream of sympathetic nonsense with toddlers to keep them from melting down.

It isn't your fault or your responsibility how the mom or Peep feels. Let them work it out. Your responsibility was only to host Mary in a manner respectful of her dietary needs.

+1

This sounds more like a mom who doesn’t know how to say no to her toddler than a mom who thought it was your fault/problem. Just let it go.

Next time, though, if she wants Bo to stay, I would say “unfortunately, I’m not in a position to supervise additional, younger kids. Of course she is welcome to join in the fun but you’ll need to stay as well to watch her[b].”

Nah. I’d leave out the “unfortunately” bc that sounds like you’re sorry you can’t have the kid that you actually don’t want there so it’s insincere. And I would also leave off the of course she is welcome to join. Hell no. Unless your kid actually is friends with the sister too and wants her to stay. Otherwise no. She’s not invited don’t tell her that “of course she’s welcome to join.” It’s not what your DD or you intended/wanted and you are the hosts so you get to decide. And it’s encouraging the other parent’s rudeness too.

[Anonymous]

Peep is 2? Nice try troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Peep is 2? Nice try troll.

?

[Anonymous]

I would have said I already gave DD, Birthday child’s favor to Bo. I don’t have more favors.

I have never had a problem with siblings at pick up. I have had guests ask if they could have a favor for a sibling and I have said I don’t have enough, only for party guests. Or if I actually made extras, I may let the kid take an extra home for a sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Forget about it. Sometimes parents keep up a continuous stream of sympathetic nonsense with toddlers to keep them from melting down.

It isn't your fault or your responsibility how the mom or Peep feels. Let them work it out. Your responsibility was only to host Mary in a manner respectful of her dietary needs.

+1

This sounds more like a mom who doesn’t know how to say no to her toddler than a mom who thought it was your fault/problem. Just let it go.

Next time, though, if she wants Bo to stay, I would say “unfortunately, I’m not in a position to supervise additional, younger kids. Of course she is welcome to join in the fun but you’ll need to stay as well to watch her[b].”

Nah. I’d leave out the “unfortunately” bc that sounds like you’re sorry you can’t have the kid that you actually don’t want there so it’s insincere. And I would also leave off the of course she is welcome to join. Hell no. Unless your kid actually is friends with the sister too and wants her to stay. Otherwise no. She’s not invited don’t tell her that “of course she’s welcome to join.” It’s not what your DD or you intended/wanted and you are the hosts so you get to decide. And it’s encouraging the other parent’s rudeness too.

I would not have let BO be dropped off. I would not want to care for an extra 6yo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have said I already gave DD, Birthday child’s favor to Bo. I don’t have more favors.

I have never had a problem with siblings at pick up. I have had guests ask if they could have a favor for a sibling and I have said I don’t have enough, only for party guests. Or if I actually made extras, I may let the kid take an extra home for a sibling.

+1 I've often brought my other child to pickups at bday parties and I've never asked for or expected a favor, that's crazy! I have had other parents offer sometimes and accepted if it's effusive (like they're saying we have leftover goody bags bc 2 guests were sick and missed the party).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes you just need to tell people how it is.

Jessica- I went out of my way to make sure I had allergy safe food for Mary and to have a treat bag for EACH invited child. I did not invite siblings to this party but you put me in an awkward situation when you asked if Bo could stay. THEN my child, the birthday girl, shared their own treat bag to Bo knowing we only had enough for the invited guests. For you to now be upset that your other child, not invited, could not have a treat bag is beyond absurd. I suggest your 2 children share with their sister and my child shared with yours.

Way too long, but I agree you could have been direct:
“No, I only had treat bags for the party guests, not siblings. I didn’t make any extras, and Birthday girl was kind enough to give up her treat bag so that Bo could have one —since she stayed for the party. So maybe Bo could share the birthday girl’s treat bag with Peep.”

[Anonymous]

OP, although we know there are people like this in the world, we never expect to actually interact with them.
Years ago when my DD was your age, she was invited to a strictly drop-off party at a classmate's home. The parents found out it was a large home (townhouse in NYC) and decided to come with their other child AND PARK THEMSELVES THERE FOR THE ENTIRE DURATION of the event. When I picked up my DD, they were there with a defiant look on their face.
What those poor hosts had to deal with....
Another time I overheard the party crasher mom bragging about how her husband took the family to a beach that had a sign prohibiting use of the site because there was no lifeguard and marching the family right past the sign and plopping their setup on that beach for all passerbys to see. "He's such a rebel!" she squealed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, although we know there are people like this in the world, we never expect to actually interact with them.
Years ago when my DD was your DD's age, she was invited to a strictly drop-off party at a classmate's home. The another party guest's parents found out it was a large home (townhouse in NYC) and decided to come with their other child AND PARK THEMSELVES THERE FOR THE ENTIRE DURATION of the event. When I picked up my DD, they were there with a defiant look on their face.
What those poor hosts had to deal with....
Another time I overheard the party crasher mom bragging about how her husband took the family to a beach that had a sign prohibiting use of the site because there was no lifeguard and marching the family right past the sign and plopping their setup on that beach for all passerbys to see. "He's such a rebel!" she squealed.

corrections...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, although we know there are people like this in the world, we never expect to actually interact with them.
Years ago when my DD was your age, she was invited to a strictly drop-off party at a classmate's home. The parents found out it was a large home (townhouse in NYC) and decided to come with their other child AND PARK THEMSELVES THERE FOR THE ENTIRE DURATION of the event. When I picked up my DD, they were there with a defiant look on their face.
What those poor hosts had to deal with....
Another time I overheard the party crasher mom bragging about how her husband took the family to a beach that had a sign prohibiting use of the site because there was no lifeguard and marching the family right past the sign and plopping their setup on that beach for all passerbys to see. "He's such a rebel!" she squealed.

This isn’t as big of a deal at a park.

I had a laser tag party in my backyard once. A few parents stayed with siblings. The laser tag company only brought guns for invited guests. The siblings had cake. I didn’t have favors for them. It was not that big of a deal.

I have seen siblings stay at parties at venues. I’m slightly annoyed but if the siblings cost me $100-200, it is not the end of the world. I do think it is rude.

I have seen siblings at other parties where it is obvious they paid separately and not burdened the host. This seems ok. I once took my older child to Chuck E. Cheese. I told him clearly he is not part of younger brother’s party. Host said he could join but we didn’t.

[Anonymous]

The mom was clearly unhinged. Something else is wrong in her life. No one expects party favors for siblings. Most of us avoid bringing siblings, but if we must, we don't drop them off, we cover any extra expense, and we condition them not to expect party favors.