How to help my daughter through this disappointment and build resilience?
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Anonymous
| I was exactly like your daughter as a teen, and also loved performing, so I had to put myself out there and handle plenty of rejection in order to participate in the type of activity I enjoyed. I reacted just as she did, because she’s still young and it feels deeply personal even though it actually isn’t quite as she perceives. She doesn’t have the wisdom of age to realize that sometimes results don’t match who did the best audition. The PP who said Brad Pitt isn’t in every film makes an excellent point. We now have the wisdom to know that sometimes results are based on “fit” not necessarily who is most talented. One of the most validating things my mom said to me when I didn’t get a part in the play was that I was actually a better singer than Larla, but Larla looked exactly like the part (and she explained typecasting). It helped me keep my confidence and reframe my perspective. I’m grateful she didn’t just tell me to get over it and buck up buttercup. That wouldn’t have helped me muster the confidence to try again. |
Anonymous
| She doesn’t need a therapist, she needs time to wallow. Let her be sad. It’s ok to be sad and disappointed. Those are normal feelings. Like anything else, moving on from rejection takes practice. The more she experiences rejection, the better she will be at dealing with it. And if she quits theatre, who cares? It’s just high school theatre. It’s subjective anyway. Maybe she will find another hobby or sport she likes better |
Anonymous
Ok, so this rejection is probably a good thing to happen. She will direct and develop some of her talents in another direction. One less out of work actor in the future. |
Anonymous
| She should go volunteer in a children's cancer ward to gain some perspective. What a brat! |
Anonymous
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This is so hard.
My daughter tried out for school cheer on a whim - she had danced her whole life but she thought cheer would be fun. I told her without the tumbling skills it would be difficult and she was unlikely to make it. She didn’t make it but her 3 friends she tried out with did - she was devastated and cried for about a hour. One of the girls that made it was having a slumber party that night. She got up, washed her face and went to the party. The moment she stepped out of the car she jumped up and down yelling congratulations to her friends. I had never been more proud. She then spent the next month putting everything into perfecting her dancing. She was more motivated than I had ever seen hers she tried out for the school dance team and made it! And her cheer friends were routing her own the whole way! They are all so excited for each other to be on the cheer and dance squads. I fully believe failing at cheer motivated her more than ever in dance. Teach your kid that success doesn’t come without failure and to use it to keep trying. |
Anonymous
Yes, this is why it's so hard -- it's a rupture to her sense of self. (Resilience, of course, comes by not tying one's sense of self to external things -- and certainly not to a single-outcome externality, but it's easy to have that perspective when you're an adult...harder when you're a kid and still developing your sense of self). This thing she's experiencing is how one develops that resilience. It's just hard when you're inside of it. Just acknowledge that it's hard. Be available to talk it through, don't push too hard. She'll get there. |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't focus so much on her deep disappointment, I would call out her behavior toward her so called friend. She's going bail on her friend's sweet 16 why? To send a message? Is she really so willing to dump a friend who tried out and got what your daughter wanted? Is your daughter capable of being a friend? She's in for a lonely, superficial life if she can't be appropriately happy for and supportive of her friends. Is she prone to selfishness? And yeah, if she really wants to be a performer, please don't sugarcoat it. Tell your daughter directly that rejection is part of the deal and if that's really something she wants to do she needs to learn that. |
Anonymous
| I have a theater kid. Meeting actual working actors who talk honestly about how hard it is (and how real) to audition over and over and not get a call back was helpful for my kid, although he’s always been more realistic. If she’s passionate about theater she has to accept that whatever chance she has is something to appreciate and she needs a thick skin. I’ve found the theater community to be pretty healthy in general, but it involves a lot of NO. |
Anonymous
| Is the summer program Interlochen? |
Anonymous
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Your daughter is a jealous mean girl |
Anonymous
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She sounds very entitled. This is life. She is far too old to act like this. I don't think she should be in hobbies where she can't lose. Maybe do art or a team sport where everyone wins or loses.
Let her be. Tell her to pull up her bootstraps and move on. |