Beach Week rules

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My rule is simple. No HS student in my house is ever going on a free unsupervised vacation to drink themselves silly (and other things) with other kids, not on my time or my watch or my nickel. Parents who help their kids do this (because parents have to sign rental contracts and charge hotel rooms) are just trying to look cool in front of other adults by putting their own kids in reality-TV situations. I'd love to know what is defensible about this entire thing.

I love you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your child has not had much unsupervised freedom yet, I wouldn't let them go. If they haven't already had to navigate pressures at parties, and figured out how to make wise choices in the face of peer pressure, now is not the time.

I've unfortunately had to navigate that with my son throughout high school. And now he makes good choices. Doesn't mean he's fool proof. He's still only 18. But that type of partying peer pressure isn't new.

I think for kids who haven't had much exposure, unsupervised beach week is overwhelming and could be quite dangerous. I often tell my son about my friend who "woke up in the back of a van where she lost her virginity." It was only decades later that consent even crossed my mind. The real story was likely much worse.

The hookup culture is prevalent in some teen circles. Your kid should know having sex with anyone who's intoxicated is illegal. They can't consent.

My son is not going. But I would have let him. At this point, I feel like he would make (mostly) good choices. But I did not and would not rent a place for him. I would not help pay for him to go in on a place with friends.

He does have use of a car and I would have let him drive to the beach to stay with friends, because he has already demonstrated that he won't drink and drive and in fact has been his friends' sober driver on occasion (they still should have called me but I take small victories where I can).

He's a very strong swimmer and surfer and knows not to swim intoxicated. But I think nonconsensual sex, non consensual video of pretty much anything and everything, drunken walks across roads, insane speeding, drunk driving, unknown drugs, and having money stolen are the biggest risks.

You know your kid best. Are they ready for that at their current level of maturity?

If kids aren’t mature enough for beach week because of drinking and hook ups, how are they mature enough to live on a college campus 3 months from now?

But using alcohol/ marijuana, under age 21, is a clear violation of law, as is engaging in s*x before age 18.

[Anonymous]

DS and his group of friends were very responsible kids. They didn’t drink in HS. Yet, nobody ever knows for sure what kids will do away from adults, so the group was driven to/from OC by a parent so there was no possibility they could get behind the wheel. One of those parents also stayed within a reasonable drive in case an emergency arose (but never had any contact otherwise). If all this weren’t the case, I probably would have said no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS went last year. He stayed in a house with 4 of his friends and two Dads who went along. One of the Dad's signed for the house.

We have know the kids he went with since elementary school and knew the parents as well. So, we were all pretty clear on expectations.

Were there some typical beach week shenanigans? Sure, but he went, had fun and came home in one piece. Mission accomplished.

Almost no kids I know of go with parents. The parents don’t go. And if they do they are the enabler types.

Nope.

Because OBX has started cracking down on this and evicting kids who do not have an adult present in the home when the property owner surprise visits, there are definitely parents that go along and enable the behavior. They take turns. Mom A "supervises" for 2 nights and then Mom B shows up, etc.

People are completely desperate for their kids to be "cool" and doing this type of thing. As if it's some rite of passage the kid will never recover from missing. It's very regional too. Where I grew up this was not a thing at all and still isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My rule is simple. No HS student in my house is ever going on a free unsupervised vacation to drink themselves silly (and other things) with other kids, not on my time or my watch or my nickel. Parents who help their kids do this (because parents have to sign rental contracts and charge hotel rooms) are just trying to look cool in front of other adults by putting their own kids in reality-TV situations. I'd love to know what is defensible about this entire thing.

I love you!

Sorry but I agree with you.
I'm saying this as someone who WENT! I was 18 and had to 100% spend my own money, my parents would not pay a cent. My mother wasn't happy but legally I was an adult. I did not drink even a sip of liquor because I was too nervous that something bad would happen!
Something bad did happen to my friend who was drunk. I tried to stop her but she insisted on going with a strange guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your child has not had much unsupervised freedom yet, I wouldn't let them go. If they haven't already had to navigate pressures at parties, and figured out how to make wise choices in the face of peer pressure, now is not the time.

I've unfortunately had to navigate that with my son throughout high school. And now he makes good choices. Doesn't mean he's fool proof. He's still only 18. But that type of partying peer pressure isn't new.

I think for kids who haven't had much exposure, unsupervised beach week is overwhelming and could be quite dangerous. I often tell my son about my friend who "woke up in the back of a van where she lost her virginity." It was only decades later that consent even crossed my mind. The real story was likely much worse.

The hookup culture is prevalent in some teen circles. Your kid should know having sex with anyone who's intoxicated is illegal. They can't consent.

My son is not going. But I would have let him. At this point, I feel like he would make (mostly) good choices. But I did not and would not rent a place for him. I would not help pay for him to go in on a place with friends.

He does have use of a car and I would have let him drive to the beach to stay with friends, because he has already demonstrated that he won't drink and drive and in fact has been his friends' sober driver on occasion (they still should have called me but I take small victories where I can).

He's a very strong swimmer and surfer and knows not to swim intoxicated. But I think nonconsensual sex, non consensual video of pretty much anything and everything, drunken walks across roads, insane speeding, drunk driving, unknown drugs, and having money stolen are the biggest risks.

You know your kid best. Are they ready for that at their current level of maturity?

If kids aren’t mature enough for beach week because of drinking and hook ups, how are they mature enough to live on a college campus 3 months from now?

But using alcohol/ marijuana, under age 21, is a clear violation of law, as is engaging in s*x before age 18.

Using alcohol and marijuana is illegal for underage college students as well. I guess your argument is that even if your kid isn’t mature enough to deal with an environment that includes alcohol and hookups, the benefits of attending college outweigh the risks to your immature kid, which makes college worthwhile, but there’s no benefit to beach week that outweighs the risks, even if the experience would help your child to mature?

Btw, it’s not illegal to engage in sex before 18. In MD and a lot of other states, the age of consent is lower than 18, and in many states, someone who is older cannot be charged with statuary rape if they’re close enough in age to their minor partner and the sex was consensual, so it could be legal for a 16 year old and a 19 year old to have sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So OP did you rent the beach week place in your name and will not be there? So in violation of rental agreement? On your credit card and you know there will be alcohol and that they will buy it underage? My tip is let you know that no insurance will cover you if something goes wrong- you are knowingly, willfully and intentionally negligent.

Oh, dear.

[Anonymous]

Rules for my kids and their friends would be: set a limit on the number of hours you play D&D each day and make sure you spend more time at the beach than reading books or playing video games. Also eat good food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your child has not had much unsupervised freedom yet, I wouldn't let them go. If they haven't already had to navigate pressures at parties, and figured out how to make wise choices in the face of peer pressure, now is not the time.

I've unfortunately had to navigate that with my son throughout high school. And now he makes good choices. Doesn't mean he's fool proof. He's still only 18. But that type of partying peer pressure isn't new.

I think for kids who haven't had much exposure, unsupervised beach week is overwhelming and could be quite dangerous. I often tell my son about my friend who "woke up in the back of a van where she lost her virginity." It was only decades later that consent even crossed my mind. The real story was likely much worse.

The hookup culture is prevalent in some teen circles. Your kid should know having sex with anyone who's intoxicated is illegal. They can't consent.

My son is not going. But I would have let him. At this point, I feel like he would make (mostly) good choices. But I did not and would not rent a place for him. I would not help pay for him to go in on a place with friends.

He does have use of a car and I would have let him drive to the beach to stay with friends, because he has already demonstrated that he won't drink and drive and in fact has been his friends' sober driver on occasion (they still should have called me but I take small victories where I can).

He's a very strong swimmer and surfer and knows not to swim intoxicated. But I think nonconsensual sex, non consensual video of pretty much anything and everything, drunken walks across roads, insane speeding, drunk driving, unknown drugs, and having money stolen are the biggest risks.

You know your kid best. Are they ready for that at their current level of maturity?

If kids aren’t mature enough for beach week because of drinking and hook ups, how are they mature enough to live on a college campus 3 months from now?

But using alcohol/ marijuana, under age 21, is a clear violation of law, as is engaging in s*x before age 18.

What now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your child has not had much unsupervised freedom yet, I wouldn't let them go. If they haven't already had to navigate pressures at parties, and figured out how to make wise choices in the face of peer pressure, now is not the time.

I've unfortunately had to navigate that with my son throughout high school. And now he makes good choices. Doesn't mean he's fool proof. He's still only 18. But that type of partying peer pressure isn't new.

I think for kids who haven't had much exposure, unsupervised beach week is overwhelming and could be quite dangerous. I often tell my son about my friend who "woke up in the back of a van where she lost her virginity." It was only decades later that consent even crossed my mind. The real story was likely much worse.

The hookup culture is prevalent in some teen circles. Your kid should know having sex with anyone who's intoxicated is illegal. They can't consent.

My son is not going. But I would have let him. At this point, I feel like he would make (mostly) good choices. But I did not and would not rent a place for him. I would not help pay for him to go in on a place with friends.

He does have use of a car and I would have let him drive to the beach to stay with friends, because he has already demonstrated that he won't drink and drive and in fact has been his friends' sober driver on occasion (they still should have called me but I take small victories where I can).

He's a very strong swimmer and surfer and knows not to swim intoxicated. But I think nonconsensual sex, non consensual video of pretty much anything and everything, drunken walks across roads, insane speeding, drunk driving, unknown drugs, and having money stolen are the biggest risks.

You know your kid best. Are they ready for that at their current level of maturity?

If kids aren’t mature enough for beach week because of drinking and hook ups, how are they mature enough to live on a college campus 3 months from now?

I hope most parents have been trying to navigate the increase independence along with increased responsibility as their children move through high school.

[Anonymous]

beach week is a recipe for disaster. Just don't. Let the kids do something else/at another time. I get that they will go off to college in a few months, but this is a known problem where legal consequences could be real. It's too easy to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Friendships are tested. It's expensive and little good seems to come from it.

[Anonymous]

One rule only: No beach week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you had a teen that went to beach week, did you and the other parents discuss the rules? We don't feel comfortable buying alcohol for our kids but we know they will purchase. We have a strict policy that we're not allowing them to host any parties and they said they didn't want too anyway. I've communicated about a buddy system and no swimming while intoxicated. Any other suggestions if your DC went to beach week?

RED FLAG.

Did you really mean to type this this way?

Your kid is going to do whatever they want, including swimming while intoxicated if they want to, because you exude permissive parenting.

+1

"don't feel comfortable"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My rule is simple. No HS student in my house is ever going on a free unsupervised vacation to drink themselves silly (and other things) with other kids, not on my time or my watch or my nickel. Parents who help their kids do this (because parents have to sign rental contracts and charge hotel rooms) are just trying to look cool in front of other adults by putting their own kids in reality-TV situations. I'd love to know what is defensible about this entire thing.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your child has not had much unsupervised freedom yet, I wouldn't let them go. If they haven't already had to navigate pressures at parties, and figured out how to make wise choices in the face of peer pressure, now is not the time.

I've unfortunately had to navigate that with my son throughout high school. And now he makes good choices. Doesn't mean he's fool proof. He's still only 18. But that type of partying peer pressure isn't new.

I think for kids who haven't had much exposure, unsupervised beach week is overwhelming and could be quite dangerous. I often tell my son about my friend who "woke up in the back of a van where she lost her virginity." It was only decades later that consent even crossed my mind. The real story was likely much worse.

The hookup culture is prevalent in some teen circles. Your kid should know having sex with anyone who's intoxicated is illegal. They can't consent.

My son is not going. But I would have let him. At this point, I feel like he would make (mostly) good choices. But I did not and would not rent a place for him. I would not help pay for him to go in on a place with friends.

He does have use of a car and I would have let him drive to the beach to stay with friends, because he has already demonstrated that he won't drink and drive and in fact has been his friends' sober driver on occasion (they still should have called me but I take small victories where I can).

He's a very strong swimmer and surfer and knows not to swim intoxicated. But I think nonconsensual sex, non consensual video of pretty much anything and everything, drunken walks across roads, insane speeding, drunk driving, unknown drugs, and having money stolen are the biggest risks.

You know your kid best. Are they ready for that at their current level of maturity?

If kids aren’t mature enough for beach week because of drinking and hook ups, how are they mature enough to live on a college campus 3 months from now?

That’s a slippery slope. Would you let your junior go? Your eighth grader? It’s perfectly reasonable to say not now.

Plus, college causes maturity, so after a semester of college kids will be different. And college isn’t designed solely for drinking and partying if you’re doing it right.

This.