Restart sex life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in this situation too. I’m fit, spouse is not. Kind of acknowledges wanting to lose weight, but I think to be attracted again at this age now, that’s not going to cut it. They need to get fit, not just lose 30lbs for me to be attracted to them. I’m scared it’s dead and we’ll end up in even worse trouble. I can’t be done with intimacy.

If you can’t be done with intimacy and you want your marriage, you need to reframe your thinking about her. Obviously she’s not about to “get fit” whatever that means to you. Attraction is mental, not physical. Figure it out.

Lol. As much as we may wish this to be true, it simply isn’t.

I’d soften this a little—it’s not purely physical, but it’s not entirely mental either. Our sex life got way better when we both got into better shape, and i don’t think that pretending that this is not a real thing does struggling couples any service. It is rather a hopeful message, because it really doesn’t take *that* much—you don’t have to be a Greek god. A couple hours in the gym each week, everyone feeling a little bit better about their bodies—its a zero regrets thing to try, good for health anyway, that at least in our case made a significant difference and is a good place to start. (Particularly in scenarios where the husband is out of shape, it might be an easy fix there.). Doesn’t always work, of course, but worth a try in my experience.

[Anonymous]

Both of you should read the book Come Together by Emily Nagoski and discuss.

If it feels too difficult to talk about together, couples counseling can give you a safe place to have these conversations.