House Husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just want to make sure everyone agrees if the sexes are reversed that the woman is also a lazy ass mooch that should be kicked to the curb yesterday.

We all agree?

OFC not. Presumably the man wants the woman to create a literal human being for him? Something that would cost him over a hundred thousand dollars in surrogacy? Women bring value just with our innate biology- men have to add it. Something all societies have always known

[Anonymous]

Listen to us. Do not marry him. He is not joking.

[Anonymous]

Agree with others. Run. I kind of tested my husband with a bunch of jokes/comments about him being a SAHD before we got married (I’m in big law) and he always made clear that he would have absolutely no interest in doing something like that. Wouldn’t even joke about it. Eventually I did make clear that I didn’t think I would be ok with it if he didn’t want a job.

After we married he has been willing to try to find flexibility in his roles to make my job work (eg job with no travel), but I needed that to make mine work — that was always a joint conversation and we felt the same way about things.

[Anonymous]

If your career is demanding and you would be able to achieve more with a house husband to support you, and he is good at/enjoys supporting you - go for it!
But it doesn’t sound like that, sounds like he is just lazy.

[Anonymous]

This could maybe work if he already does at least half the cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, etc. He should also be able to handle basic house maintenance and ideally small projects like building new shelves.

If he doesn’t take that initiative and has you handle the majority of those tasks, this is doomed to fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH "retired" early at 60 and is a sahd/house husband. He does some things well, but the cleaning and laundry are much to be desired. I still have to remind him when the laundry needs doing or how the toilet is disgusting and needs to be cleaned.

Sorry, but I don't find a man who wants to be a sahd all that appealing.

Are you much younger? Because my spouse and I are both targeting 60 for retirement and it seems doable financially.

[Anonymous]

I know two female lawyers with SAH husbands and they don’t even have kids! That would drive me crazy. Husbands go to gym for 3 hours and play golf 3-4x per week.

[Anonymous]

There are some versions of this. My brother is a SAHD but it's in part because they live abroad and as a trailing spouse it's hard to find work or an employer that will sponsor his own work visa. But my brother a) was employed before and b) actually does the house chores and childcare.

I also know people who have husbands who don't work and they also don't clean or do the childcare. My best friend is married to one of these guys and I think she's losing patience fast. He never deliberately said he was staying home he's just been "job hunting" for ages.

[Anonymous]

Red flag

[Anonymous]

IF (admittedly a big IF) , he really is willing to be the primary caregiver and taking care of the household, what's wrong with that? Women seem to enforce the patriarchy just as much as men.

OP is certainly entitled to not wanting a house husband but a lot of the replies are calling hi lazy, telling her to run, etc. What's wrong with a man being a stay at home dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH "retired" early at 60 and is a sahd/house husband. He does some things well, but the cleaning and laundry are much to be desired. I still have to remind him when the laundry needs doing or how the toilet is disgusting and needs to be cleaned.

Sorry, but I don't find a man who wants to be a sahd all that appealing.

Well, assuming you’re around 60 years of age, the good news is that you don’t have to worry about any men (SAHDs or otherwise) being interested in you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IF (admittedly a big IF) , he really is willing to be the primary caregiver and taking care of the household, what's wrong with that? Women seem to enforce the patriarchy just as much as men.

OP is certainly entitled to not wanting a house husband but a lot of the replies are calling hi lazy, telling her to run, etc. What's wrong with a man being a stay at home dad?

I wouldn't trust anyone to be a stay at home wife/husband unless they'd demonstrated work ethic in some way. Is his apartment sparkling clean? Has he shown he can work a job? Does he make nice dinners?

[Anonymous]

RUN. HE IS NOT JOKING.

What is your response to him when he says things like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know two female lawyers with SAH husbands and they don’t even have kids! That would drive me crazy. Husbands go to gym for 3 hours and play golf 3-4x per week.

This seems fine to me. Much better than a guy who isn’t really ambitious but expects me to manipulate my life (move, find flexible work, never travel for work) around his “career.”
I would love to have the career I want to have without having to make any compromises and still come home to someone who makes me happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH "retired" early at 60 and is a sahd/house husband. He does some things well, but the cleaning and laundry are much to be desired. I still have to remind him when the laundry needs doing or how the toilet is disgusting and needs to be cleaned.

Sorry, but I don't find a man who wants to be a sahd all that appealing.

How old are you? I don't get how you are equating your situation to OP's situation whatsoever.

I assume you don't have any young kids around the house anymore and nobody wants to keel over at their desk.

Why is the "retired" in quotes...because he was actually fired, or because he decided to call it a day earlier than you thought/hoped?