AuDHD/gifted 9-yr old behavior escalating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is truly horrifying. One of his parents needs to cut back on the office hours. His behavior needs to be immediately stopped. Is he physically stronger than you, OP?

I can’t imagine a nine year old terrorizing his whole family like this. His current medical treatments are probably making him worse, certainly not better.

You are clearly not a mom of a special needs child. I wonder about the kind of person that trolls a special needs board. Like how low can you go?

OP, you sound like an awesome mom. All things considered, it sounds like your child is doing pretty well. I would lock up screens at night - they should not be out or accessible. DS staying up late is definitely a set up for bad behavior the next morning. (I know this is a very small piece).

I also know many ASD kids are not motivated by incentives, so this may not be possible: but can you set up a reward system around behaving during morning routine? At the very least can you make it very, very predictable with a checklist that explicitly states what he should be doing so he doesn’t have any time to harass his brother? It should have predictable jobs with some autonomy. E.g. your choice for breakfast is 1) cereal (that you get out yourself) 2) frozen casserole (you heat up yourself) or a bagel. Redirect as necessary:
“being in your little brother’s room is not on the checklist. Where are you supposed to be/what are you supposed to be doing?”

[Anonymous]

OP, his meds are not working out well. He needs to have a different combo or different dosage. It's an iterative process, that can last month to get to what works, but he should come out much better off. Are you using a reputable child psychiatrist for the meds?

[Anonymous]

I’m going to be that person but… did you rule out PANDAS?

[Anonymous]

Just writing to say I totally relate, this sounds very hard and I am thinking of you. I have a similar kid and find it incredibly hard when he is going through stretches where he requires continuous 1:1 so that we can't make dinner, dress, tend to siblings. We like you are doing our best with professional help but it is really, really tough.

[Anonymous]

OP you need to get your DH to cooperate before this escalates. Inconsistent rule enforcement is something that contributes to this kind of behavior. The child, knowing the rules are not enforced by one parent, will try to gain control through means like intimidation or worse.