getting 5 and 7 yo to listen without yelling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids respond really well to individual checklists. I found a template online. I let them create them with me on the computer and we would edit it each week.

This sounds like a great idea! Thanks for sharing

[Anonymous]

With behavior you have to name it to tame it, so sit down with the older kids and ask calmly what they get everything done until the last few minutes, and then brainstorm a solution together. I totally agree with doing everything before eating and having coat, shoes, and backpack by the door. Also point out that big kids get ready by following directions. Point out that you don’t like yelling and do so because you are frustrated and it’s not okay. Praise big time when they follow directions. Give directions one at a time. Hand them an index card to take upstairs that says TEETH, COAT, SHOES and tell them to bring it back for a marble in the jar and ten marbles is a trip for ice cream somewhere.

If they don’t get their shoes on the first time, you go physically to them, lead them to the shoes, and stand there while they put them on without extra comments. Until they get in the routine of doing it right away, plan extra time for you to do this. Accept that it will take extra time for now and set the clock accordingly.

Put directions in a chant and have them repeat before they go to do final things. Just word cues, not a whole sentence. “Teeth, shoes, coat, sis boom bah.”

Lots of praise for doing what you want, even if you feel like they should just do it. The physical taking them by the hand and leading them to the task works really well. If they are picking up some toy instead, take it away for 24 hours.

Last thing is if you see the teacher in the morning, tell the teacher if the kid got ready as asked, or say sadly that it took a long time and comment that most kids in that grade do a more grown-up job. Teacher praise can be a big deal, and most kids don’t want their teacher to think they are “babies.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. My kids are baby/3/5 and I recently did PEP’s class about not yelling: https://www.pepparentonline.org/p/stop-yelling-mar-2024

For us, the visual checklists are key. They are posted in the bathroom for morning and evening routine (not too many things, AM is get dressed, make bed, brush teeth). We do everything before eating breakfast or the night before, including packing backpack. I think it would be better to brush teeth after breakfast, but that was leading to wasting time and negotiating and yelling.

I’m the PP who posted about checklists. I actually got the idea from PEP class! A few weeks after using the checklist, I was getting so annoyed at my DD frequent late library books. I said “how can we solve this problem?” (Another PeP lesson, problem solving as a family”) and she said let’s add it to the checklist! A big win for us.