Feeling judged by therapist for SAH - say something or ignore?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes you should say something and he may not be a good fit.

But frankly all your justifying seems... off... as well. So you want to continue to be a SAHM, that's fine but don't cloak it in a bunch of justifications, just own the valid decision.

Also your "way more educated" is an eye roll.

NP. Shut up and work on your insecurities.

[Anonymous]

Women need to stop apologizing or making excuses for SAH. Period.
Own your choice and be proud of your decision. If someone looks down on you for not being a career woman, who cares? I’ve been both at different phases of my life and regret nothing.

[Anonymous]

It is definitely odd that he shared personal beliefs like that and I do think you should bring it up. It is probably the only way to continue to have trust in the relationship and that is really important.

The only other question - is it possible that something was taken out of context a bit because you feel particularly sensitive about this? Not because you should, but because many of us moms feel sensitive about our choices even when we try really hard to feel confident in them. There could be a piece of that there and you may be taking some offhand comments and making assumptions about how he really feels. If he really said straight out to a mom who stays home that he believes both parents should work, that is truly odd but I'm wondering if there was some context and it has gotten taken in a way that wasn't intended. Which is another reason to be honest and talk about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your therapist should not be making comments like that.

If you want to stay with him then you need to talk to him very directly about this.

I would look for another therapist, but that's a whole lot easier to say than it is to actually do.

+1

[Anonymous]

Time to find a female therapist.

[Anonymous]

You’re paying a man to mansplain you. NO

[Anonymous]

New therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time for a new therapist.

+1. I'd start to look for a female therapist.

+1. A male, even a male therapist, simply cannot understand the ways in which society takes advantage of women's free labor when it comes to marriage and parenting, even in the best of circumstances with the best of partnerships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes you should say something and he may not be a good fit.

But frankly all your justifying seems... off... as well. So you want to continue to be a SAHM, that's fine but don't cloak it in a bunch of justifications, just own the valid decision.

Also your "way more educated" is an eye roll.

NP
I disagree. Some people have obvious limited thinking and if that is your therapist, I cannot see how that would not be a constant annoyance!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes you should say something and he may not be a good fit.

But frankly all your justifying seems... off... as well. So you want to continue to be a SAHM, that's fine but don't cloak it in a bunch of justifications, just own the valid decision.

Also your "way more educated" is an eye roll.

NP. Shut up and work on your insecurities.

A different NP. I was just reading a little farther down the thread before I responded to the PP. Then saw this. I actually agree with the PP. OP continues to justify staying at home. No problem. But own it. I would guess that OP is "hearing judgement" because at some level she is judging herself, when Therapist is saying, You said you were going back to work, now you are making excuses. OP just needs to say, I don't agree with you re: I should go back to work. I've decided for now that I will continue as I am.

Then, depending how he responds, either continue, because he got it, or find a new therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes you should say something and he may not be a good fit.

But frankly all your justifying seems... off... as well. So you want to continue to be a SAHM, that's fine but don't cloak it in a bunch of justifications, just own the valid decision.

Also your "way more educated" is an eye roll.

NP
I disagree. Some people have obvious limited thinking and if that is your therapist, I cannot see how that would not be a constant annoyance!

NP. But that could have nothing or limited influence on how the therapist is responding. OP is being defensive. She wants people to agree with her that he's a jerk so she can help justify her desire to not go back to work. She spent a lot of time making herself out to be the good guy.

And seriously, I don't care if she goes back or not. She just shouldn't be clueless about her own understanding of what she really feels. I'm guessing some guilt.

[Anonymous]

You set a goal, you didn’t reach it and the person you pay to help you reach goals is trying to get you to reach that goal and you’re mad.

🤔

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You set a goal, you didn’t reach it and the person you pay to help you reach goals is trying to get you to reach that goal and you’re mad.

🤔

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Need to know why you are in therapy. And, how long have you been with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You set a goal, you didn’t reach it and the person you pay to help you reach goals is trying to get you to reach that goal and you’re mad.

🤔

Is he a therapist or a life coach? Maybe a personal trainer?

Also, she changed her mind about her goal. That’s allowed.