50/50 not the norm nationwide

[Anonymous]

It sounds like mom was convincing enough about where she wanted to live (near family) and the two locations are too far apart for the kids to manage 50/50. That's not a bias against 50/50, but just practicality taking hold. It sounds like dad gets as close to 50/50 as is possible given the two locations.

OP, your best bet for 50/50 is to move close enough that the kids can stay with you during the week and still attend the selected schools. Is that convenient? No, but it's your option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck finding a judge who will side against mom who wants her kids to be in school district X

Kids were in a school district and stable. So, mom moves them away from their home, friends, and school for her own needs. If dad did that, you'd have a fit, but somehow its ok if Mom does it. Kids need both parents.

It probably didn't factor in but mom being bipolar also suggests that she needs to be near relatives.

And mom went to that school district so it's hard to play the "not good enough" card.

If mom had diagnosed bi-polar and not something made up by OP, it should have been taken into consideration with parenting.

Like so many DWs make up daily claims of their various DHs mental illness flavour of the day lol

[Anonymous]

Honestly it's best if kids stay in one location during the school year instead shuttling back and worth.

Just pray that she finds a good guy. A lot of divorced women don't have a good track record selecting better men lost divorce.

[Anonymous]

How far away will you be from their current home/school?

At this age, kids tend to be busy with so many activities. Can you offer to help with that- attend games etc and drive them to dance class, Boy Scouts etc?

With that said, time with kids this age tends to be limited on weekdays/school days anyway. Between sports and school we don’t get that much quality time during the week anyway- dinner and homework yes, but most fun time happens on weekends. You’ll probably spend more hours with your kids with this arrangement than she does TBH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, instead of placing more fault on OP, let's give him tips on how to keep his kids close. Here are some ideas I had:

1) When they get phones, agree on a frequency for texting. Try to develop a friendly, loving daily text conversation. Maybe a group chat between the three of you.

2) Make yourself available for extra logistical shuttling during mom's time IF NEEDED.

3) Go to their new school's open houses, etc.

4) Ask your kids for their input on how to redesign the aspects of your shared lives that are changing.

5) Start thinking ahead to college. Kids know who cares about their future.

6) Keep any dating out of view for a while. Find constructive, non-dating hobbies to keep you busy. Maybe projects you can share with your kids when they are with you (project car?).

Best advice on this thread.

- Adult child of divorce

You’re still fighting it, OP. I’m sorry it feels unfair. None of us know you or your ex enough to assess if you got screwed by the court system. But you’re best putting your effort into molding new relationships with your kids. My dad moved to a new state to marry his AP. I saw him summers and holidays. We’re very close to this day because he put in the effort.

[Anonymous]

50/50 is terrible for kids

[Anonymous]

Your mistake was going without a lawyer esp knowing she had family money to hire a good lawyer.



You now have to find a much better paying job and move closer to the kids.

Trying to move them back to their old district isn't going to work.

Get in evolved in their new schools

Be the go to person for shuttling to activities and appointments even if it's not technically your time be extremely flexible here..

Never ever say anything negative or critical about mom or her boyfriends
..

don't date.


You can arrange for a regular facetime, call etc when they are with mom.



The good news is your kids are extremely close to being of age where their opinion on where they live is heavily weighed your 13-year-old is already there in some places. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:50/50 is terrible for kids

It's actually healthy for kids to spend time with both parents regularly. It's also presumed in many if not most states. OP didn't say what state they're in, and I feel like some of the story there may be missing.

[Anonymous]

Judge did the right thing. Kids need stability. Stop being a jerk and making it about you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:50/50 is terrible for kids

It's actually healthy for kids to spend time with both parents regularly. It's also presumed in many if not most states. OP didn't say what state they're in, and I feel like some of the story there may be missing.

Stop misreading the post. Pp is right. 50 50 is very hard. No one said no time but 50 50 means the kid has no permanent home. Would you want to move your life every week or multiple times a week??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Judge did the right thing. Kids need stability. Stop being a jerk and making it about you

Stability isn't promoted by forcing them into new schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not in DC and our divorce recently concluded with ex wife being granted primary residential custody. I don't consume alcohol, I am not an abuser, and I have been fully involved with my kids. We couldn't agree with the choice of school district. We have 2 kids 13 and 10. I wanted the kids to remain in the same diastatic but my ex wife wanted them in a different lower quality school district where she grew up and her family lives. She argued that she needed to be near family and her lawyer made the case for her I guess because the judge sided with them. I did not get a lawyer because I could not afford one without going into debt. She was to get one with family support.

So the assumption on this forum that the courts always opt for 50/50 unless major issues may be through perhaps in VA and other states.

It seems to me that if you are the parent without a lawyer and you aren't willing to go in debt to get one, the other side is going to get their way.

The kids will stay with her during school days and I will have them weekends and the majority of holidays. During the summer we will have them 50/50.

However the fact that the judge felt that simply because she wanted the kids in the district of her choice, it was the best interest of the children makes it hard to believe that it wasn't a biased decision.

At what age can kids opt to be with one parent mostly? When my son turns 16 can he choose to stay with me instead?

No cheating, no alcohol abuse, no financial neglect. I know some people will quick to use one of these as the reason that it was the right decision. The marriage felt apart because she repeatedly refused to seek individual therapy for being bipolar and as a result was unable to regulate her emotions throughout our marriage.

That is practically 50/50.

Sounds like the discrepancy was you wanted to live in the same neighborhood as before and she wanted to be close to extended family for help.

Plus your kids are almost both middle school and may have gotten a say.

Did you really go to court or did you mediate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:50/50 is terrible for kids

Agree. So disruptive and destabilizing.

Doing the school week at one place is better than all tha 4-4-2-2 krap.

And weekends at that age are for homework, sports, socializing with friends.

[Anonymous]

What’s the default in Texas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:50/50 is terrible for kids

Then stay married.