What are your trips to see the grandparents like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same. And dh becomes so lazy at his parents house too. It’s very tiring. I have to be a cruise director, take the kids out to playgrounds and run outside with them, and also clean up their stuff. My kids drag toys and games everywhere. They are much cleaner at home.

I too feel lazier at my parents house. It’s like I get home and want to relax, pretend I’m a kid again and my parents take care of me. I can’t explain it.

This. It’s awful. And annoying AF. And they insist that the kids come so they can brag about it on FB then they ignore them. It’s tiring and my husband insists on going for weeks at a time. I also can’t let them go alone because we have 3 kids and the GP don’t help and my husband can’t do it all and work which he has to do on any vacation - a whole additional issue. It’s one of those issues that seemed divorce worthy at certain points. Now, I make all kinds of plans, fill the day, and invite them if they want. If not, up to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We took our two young kids to visit their grandparents for a week. For various reasons, I was under the impression that my in-laws were prepared for us and wanted to do stuff with the kids. The reality was that they had done very little baby-proofing and tired of the children quickly. The trip was exhausting for me because I was doing all the childcare I normally do, but in someone else’s house without the kid resources I normally have available. And yeah, my husband helped, but I think it was different for him because it was his family and his childhood home. Is this pretty much how it goes for everyone when doing these kinds of family trips? What strategies do you have to make these trips more tolerable? There’s talk of us going back around the holidays and I’m dreading it already.

Same experience, it sucks, it is such a slog. To add to the challenge, my inlaws have the emotional maturity of toddlers and actually do things like snatch candy away from their preschool-aged grandchildren and run off to eat it while laughing. They throw temper tantrums when they can't get their way by feeding my children food they are allergic to. Of course they also absolutely refuse to pitch in and help do anything at all. The most babysitting my MIL ever did was sitting by the club's pool with a baby in full view of her adoring public for 20 minutes while her son took a swim. She actually had a little bell she rang when she was done basking in the adoration of her peers, for my DH to get out of the pool and take over caring for the baby. LOOOOOL.

So we put them in time out, in other words we never visit. Both sides are like this, so I guess you could say, we look forward to being the grandparents we never had for our kids when/if they decide to have children.

This is my FIL. I just don't get it at all. He's nearly 70 years old and still acting like a child. It's not cute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same. And dh becomes so lazy at his parents house too. It’s very tiring. I have to be a cruise director, take the kids out to playgrounds and run outside with them, and also clean up their stuff. My kids drag toys and games everywhere. They are much cleaner at home.

I too feel lazier at my parents house. It’s like I get home and want to relax, pretend I’m a kid again and my parents take care of me. I can’t explain it.

Omg I swear every. single. time. we go to my ILs house, my husband eat his mom’s food and takes an hour nap. He does absolutely no childcare, but his childless sister plays for hours with them. We stay for hours and sometimes I know it’s going to be even longer because three hours in he hasn’t napped yet.

[Anonymous]

Omg. I lost it with my ILs a couple of times because when DD was a baby I'd be taking care of her and they'd be watching and telling me what to do. They'd give DD toys but insist we take them home with us instead of keeping some at the house for her. It was horrible.

DD is 5 now and things are so much better. She watches a ton of TV on these trips, but whatever.

[Anonymous]

Yeah when visiting my parents or his it’s pretty much constantly chasing kids around/trying to make sure they don’t break stuff. It’s a lot of work and exhausting. It does go quick, though. Kids are 7, 5, and 3 now and lower risk for accidentally breaking stuff.

What worked for me was taking kids to a park/outdoor activity every day to get out of the house, going to bed early myself so I’m well rested, having DH wake up with the kids so he can handle the early morning chaos. But at some point it was good to recognize that it’s busy and tiring and it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your DH about how to divide and conquer on future trips.

I totally get you. My experience was similar. ILs wanted us to visit all the time, but didn't care to do any work to make it easier for the kids/us. I mean, heaven forbids that they should move their precious glass ornaments that were within easy reach of the toddler. And they only wanted to look at the baby/toddler and take some cute pictures, and expected me to keep the kids quiet and occupied 99% of the time so the grown ups can talk.

Several options: stay in a hotel when you visit them and keep the time in their house short; have DH take them (they'll quickly realize that everyone needs to chip in when mom is not there); meet up with them at a family friendly resort (better use of your vacation time and more relaxing).

I dislike staying in hotels because then there’s even less to play with. When we stay with them we bring toys in our luggage. Plus when kids take naps, I have to go back to the hotel? That’s hard on me as a parent.

Instead of a hotel, an Airbnb, ideally one that is kid friendly (may already have toys, yard, etc).

Agree with PPs that a week is too long for people who are not helpful and are not using the burden.

Echo the idea of a resort where there's obvious activities amg logistics are taken care of (like an all-inclusive with buffets, pools, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL broke in her parents with three kids in two years. It was all hands on deck or she didn't travel. But I had to break in my parents and it was harder. They love the kids but needed a lot of updates about safe sleep, car seats, etc. fortunately they were willing to learn. I had a childhood of danger with many wilderness experience and petite carpentry tools of my own, and my kids enjoy the same.

I’m with your SIL. I refused to travel to a more difficult place for someone else’s Facebook photos, especially when DH got lazy as he usually did on vacations. Parents childproofed their house and got on board with naps etc. In-laws didn’t and complained about my attitude. So I refused to take the kids. For some reason in-laws are willing to pitch in for DH, since they feel that he shouldn’t overtire himself and deserves rest, so they pitch in a lot more. Everyone was so much more tired they wanted me to come, but now that I know why I’m wanted, I don’t. It’s great.

[Anonymous]

This was how our visits were for the first 2 years. Basically, my in laws were easily bored by the baby stage of life. They're very active adults and couldn't wait for our kids to have the patience/stamina for more activities, like going to museums, going for walks to the lake, etc. We had to really coach my mother in law on age-appropriate things she could do with our kids, like arts and crafts (water colors, beading, dance parties, children's museums instead of art museums, etc). But I totally understand that when you're used to a fast-paced adult life, the slow, start-and-stop of little kid life (with lots of snack and nap breaks) is kind of boring. I loved it when my kids were little, but also think they're much more fun now.

Now, my kids are 4 and 6 and just spent a weekend by themselves with the grandparents, who ran them all over the city to a museum, local beach, outdoor dance festival, airshow, playground, boat ride, etc. They all had a blast! My kids can be out (with snacks) for pretty much the whole day now. They don't need a whole backpack full of diapers or special baby-snacks.

[Anonymous]

Yes 100% and I visit for two weeks and my god it feels like im in the way every moment.

[Anonymous]

When we visit my in-laws we pay a teenager to be there for extra help for all the reasons you describe. It’s remarkably cheap and greatly improves the quality of our time there and my mood.

[Anonymous]

I can’t go to anyone’s house for a week. Ever. Ever! That’s so long. What are you doing that whole time?

[Anonymous]

I think it is easier when GPs see grandkids on kids’ own turf and territory.

My own parents meant well, but, yes, pins on the floor. And they had saved my own crib for her to sleep in. Cute idea but safety regulations had changed. And once I came home to find my mom had cut my daughter’s bangs without asking.