Do you think MC families are happier than UMC families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can choose to not be bothered by your child going to a non-competitive college.

I agree.

And you can choose not to live in this environment. I know enough Ivy League graduates who take their children as they are. They aren’t all so bright and talented no matter what income range. If their child who had difficulties in high school graduated from community college they would be in the first row cheering.

You just have to remember that no, the kids in your town are not all talented. You just have more money than someone else to raise your kid from mediocre to competent. (You = general).

The braggers tend to talk the loudest so someone might think every kid is a genious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not really about MC vs UMC. This area is filled with snobby strivers who feel there is a very narrow path to define success. That’s the stuff that gets old. If you have good friends and can avoid getting caught up in the competitive one up environment, you can be happy and successful and so can your kids.

Pretty much this OP. We are in Vienna. You can decide whether or not to buy into the craziness. It’s not worth it. And yes it can permeate all aspects of life. Pick a random forum on DCUM and there’s people arguing about what neighbors/high schools/colleges/vacations/ are “good enough.” It’s an exhausting way to live. I’ll take the UMC $$ sans the aforementioned BS.

[Anonymous]

I feel the same OP. We moved to Loudoun thinking it would be more “middle class” (ha!) because the housing was cheaper and even still we bought less house than we could have afforded and also bought one of the bigger homes in the neighborhood, thinking we’d fit and these would be our people. Nope still strivers and competitiveness and brand consciousness as far as the eye can see. I don’t know where to go to get away, and now my kids are stuck not wanting to leave their MS/HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. MC families are three paychecks or less away from financial problems. Their fancy dinner out is to Olive Garden or Outback. Their vacations are camping or traveling to boring places to see relatives.

You can be UMC and not be competitive.

Some people actually like Olive Garden and Outback. Same with camping or traveling to see family. That's ok if you don't (I don't either), but that doesn't mean that the people doing these aren't happy.

The financial piece is a real concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know families in the midwest who make 190K combined, raised 4 kids, and think they've made it. The kids all went to state college (think U Kansas, U Missouri), probably never heard of Amherst or Middlebury. They have like 80K left on 2.7% mortgage, drive two older model US cars, and are super happy. They have never been to Europe or Asia, don't see the need. Once every 5 years will go to Caribbean maybe Mexico. Most of the time their vacations are driving vacations. Depends on how you define MC, but there is a whole trench of MC across America who are ignorant of other possibilities, choices, avenues, careers. And ignorance is bliss.

OP here. This is exactly what I mean. I am thinking of one acquaintance whose kid recently went to Arizona or Alabama and totally proud and satisfied. They live in a modest home, have modest jobs and just seem happy. If you live in McLean and your kid has a 4.3 GPA, you won’t be able to get into UVA. It isn’t high enough. Your kid can play travel soccer or travel baseball their whole lives and get cut from the high school soccer team.

I know the locals think UVA is on par with the Ivies but the rest of the country doesn’t. It’s a very good well priced school but not something these parents who are super competitive would settle for.

As for kids sports that’s the way it is everywhere. Hundreds of kids start out, they start dropping out in middle school but there are still not enough spots for the kids who still want to play in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know families in the midwest who make 190K combined, raised 4 kids, and think they've made it. The kids all went to state college (think U Kansas, U Missouri), probably never heard of Amherst or Middlebury. They have like 80K left on 2.7% mortgage, drive two older model US cars, and are super happy. They have never been to Europe or Asia, don't see the need. Once every 5 years will go to Caribbean maybe Mexico. Most of the time their vacations are driving vacations. Depends on how you define MC, but there is a whole trench of MC across America who are ignorant of other possibilities, choices, avenues, careers. And ignorance is bliss.

OP here. This is exactly what I mean. I am thinking of one acquaintance whose kid recently went to Arizona or Alabama and totally proud and satisfied. They live in a modest home, have modest jobs and just seem happy. If you live in McLean and your kid has a 4.3 GPA, you won’t be able to get into UVA. It isn’t high enough. Your kid can play travel soccer or travel baseball their whole lives and get cut from the high school soccer team.

OP, if you find that you wouldn't be proud and satisfied if your kid went to Arizona or Alabama if that school was a good fit for them then you need to do some soul searching (and probably move). We're UMC, I grew up that way and went to a private K-12, as do my kids. I went to a T20 college and top grad school. I hope my kids find a college that they love as much as I loved mine. If that happens to be Alabama, then Roll Tide! Your thinking is really toxic. And yes, we moved out of DC, not because of this gross mentality (mostly due to commutes we were sick of and a ridiculous cost of living even though our HHI is pretty high), but it was a huge benefit to be away from people who think like you.

[Anonymous]

OP, my spouse and I both grew up MC and went to top tier colleges and grad schools. Through hard work and good luck and a leg up, all of this means we are UMC, and DC being what it is, we are raising our kids in a hyper competitive area. It’s rough sometimes, especially because there is always someone who has more/can do more/ etc. HOWEVER, all of our experience has led to the shared, very firm commitment to loving the kids we were given and teaching them that finding purpose and happiness is going to be much more important than going to a certain college or picking a certain career.

Our advice is always marry well, do something you love, be a kind and generous person… everything else will fall into place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know families in the midwest who make 190K combined, raised 4 kids, and think they've made it. The kids all went to state college (think U Kansas, U Missouri), probably never heard of Amherst or Middlebury. They have like 80K left on 2.7% mortgage, drive two older model US cars, and are super happy. They have never been to Europe or Asia, don't see the need. Once every 5 years will go to Caribbean maybe Mexico. Most of the time their vacations are driving vacations. Depends on how you define MC, but there is a whole trench of MC across America who are ignorant of other possibilities, choices, avenues, careers. And ignorance is bliss.

OP here. This is exactly what I mean. I am thinking of one acquaintance whose kid recently went to Arizona or Alabama and totally proud and satisfied. They live in a modest home, have modest jobs and just seem happy. If you live in McLean and your kid has a 4.3 GPA, you won’t be able to get into UVA. It isn’t high enough. Your kid can play travel soccer or travel baseball their whole lives and get cut from the high school soccer team.

I know the locals think UVA is on par with the Ivies but the rest of the country doesn’t. It’s a very good well priced school but not something these parents who are super competitive would settle for.

As for kids sports that’s the way it is everywhere. Hundreds of kids start out, they start dropping out in middle school but there are still not enough spots for the kids who still want to play in high school.

We don’t think UVA is on par with Ivies. I was just giving an example of what I hear from parents with kids in high school. DH and I both attended college and grad schools ranked higher than UVA. I will only admit it on an anonymous forum but I would be disappointed with UVA.

[Anonymous]

Some of the happiest people we know went to Tech and JMU. I’ll be totally happy if my kids go there. If it’s Mary Washington or CNU or Mason that’s fine too. No stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know families in the midwest who make 190K combined, raised 4 kids, and think they've made it. The kids all went to state college (think U Kansas, U Missouri), probably never heard of Amherst or Middlebury. They have like 80K left on 2.7% mortgage, drive two older model US cars, and are super happy. They have never been to Europe or Asia, don't see the need. Once every 5 years will go to Caribbean maybe Mexico. Most of the time their vacations are driving vacations. Depends on how you define MC, but there is a whole trench of MC across America who are ignorant of other possibilities, choices, avenues, careers. And ignorance is bliss.

OP here. This is exactly what I mean. I am thinking of one acquaintance whose kid recently went to Arizona or Alabama and totally proud and satisfied. They live in a modest home, have modest jobs and just seem happy. If you live in McLean and your kid has a 4.3 GPA, you won’t be able to get into UVA. It isn’t high enough. Your kid can play travel soccer or travel baseball their whole lives and get cut from the high school soccer team.

I know the locals think UVA is on par with the Ivies but the rest of the country doesn’t. It’s a very good well priced school but not something these parents who are super competitive would settle for.

As for kids sports that’s the way it is everywhere. Hundreds of kids start out, they start dropping out in middle school but there are still not enough spots for the kids who still want to play in high school.

We don’t think UVA is on par with Ivies. I was just giving an example of what I hear from parents with kids in high school. DH and I both attended college and grad schools ranked higher than UVA. I will only admit it on an anonymous forum but I would be disappointed with UVA.

Co cky tiger?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know families in the midwest who make 190K combined, raised 4 kids, and think they've made it. The kids all went to state college (think U Kansas, U Missouri), probably never heard of Amherst or Middlebury. They have like 80K left on 2.7% mortgage, drive two older model US cars, and are super happy. They have never been to Europe or Asia, don't see the need. Once every 5 years will go to Caribbean maybe Mexico. Most of the time their vacations are driving vacations. Depends on how you define MC, but there is a whole trench of MC across America who are ignorant of other possibilities, choices, avenues, careers. And ignorance is bliss.

OP here. This is exactly what I mean. I am thinking of one acquaintance whose kid recently went to Arizona or Alabama and totally proud and satisfied. They live in a modest home, have modest jobs and just seem happy. If you live in McLean and your kid has a 4.3 GPA, you won’t be able to get into UVA. It isn’t high enough. Your kid can play travel soccer or travel baseball their whole lives and get cut from the high school soccer team.

I know the locals think UVA is on par with the Ivies but the rest of the country doesn’t. It’s a very good well priced school but not something these parents who are super competitive would settle for.

As for kids sports that’s the way it is everywhere. Hundreds of kids start out, they start dropping out in middle school but there are still not enough spots for the kids who still want to play in high school.

We don’t think UVA is on par with Ivies. I was just giving an example of what I hear from parents with kids in high school. DH and I both attended college and grad schools ranked higher than UVA. I will only admit it on an anonymous forum but I would be disappointed with UVA.

Most people who went to Ivies wouldn’t get in nowadays. You might want to adjust your expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know families in the midwest who make 190K combined, raised 4 kids, and think they've made it. The kids all went to state college (think U Kansas, U Missouri), probably never heard of Amherst or Middlebury. They have like 80K left on 2.7% mortgage, drive two older model US cars, and are super happy. They have never been to Europe or Asia, don't see the need. Once every 5 years will go to Caribbean maybe Mexico. Most of the time their vacations are driving vacations. Depends on how you define MC, but there is a whole trench of MC across America who are ignorant of other possibilities, choices, avenues, careers. And ignorance is bliss.

OP here. This is exactly what I mean. I am thinking of one acquaintance whose kid recently went to Arizona or Alabama and totally proud and satisfied. They live in a modest home, have modest jobs and just seem happy. If you live in McLean and your kid has a 4.3 GPA, you won’t be able to get into UVA. It isn’t high enough. Your kid can play travel soccer or travel baseball their whole lives and get cut from the high school soccer team.

I know the locals think UVA is on par with the Ivies but the rest of the country doesn’t. It’s a very good well priced school but not something these parents who are super competitive would settle for.

As for kids sports that’s the way it is everywhere. Hundreds of kids start out, they start dropping out in middle school but there are still not enough spots for the kids who still want to play in high school.

We don’t think UVA is on par with Ivies. I was just giving an example of what I hear from parents with kids in high school. DH and I both attended college and grad schools ranked higher than UVA. I will only admit it on an anonymous forum but I would be disappointed with UVA.

Most people who went to Ivies wouldn’t get in nowadays. You might want to adjust your expectations.

My entire point of my post is that our MC friends seem happier. My kids are still young. It is only natural to want your kids to do equal or better than you. I wonder if we would be happier living in a MC neighborhood where people are less motivated and generally more content.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know families in the midwest who make 190K combined, raised 4 kids, and think they've made it. The kids all went to state college (think U Kansas, U Missouri), probably never heard of Amherst or Middlebury. They have like 80K left on 2.7% mortgage, drive two older model US cars, and are super happy. They have never been to Europe or Asia, don't see the need. Once every 5 years will go to Caribbean maybe Mexico. Most of the time their vacations are driving vacations. Depends on how you define MC, but there is a whole trench of MC across America who are ignorant of other possibilities, choices, avenues, careers. And ignorance is bliss.

OP here. This is exactly what I mean. I am thinking of one acquaintance whose kid recently went to Arizona or Alabama and totally proud and satisfied. They live in a modest home, have modest jobs and just seem happy. If you live in McLean and your kid has a 4.3 GPA, you won’t be able to get into UVA. It isn’t high enough. Your kid can play travel soccer or travel baseball their whole lives and get cut from the high school soccer team.

I know the locals think UVA is on par with the Ivies but the rest of the country doesn’t. It’s a very good well priced school but not something these parents who are super competitive would settle for.

As for kids sports that’s the way it is everywhere. Hundreds of kids start out, they start dropping out in middle school but there are still not enough spots for the kids who still want to play in high school.

We don’t think UVA is on par with Ivies. I was just giving an example of what I hear from parents with kids in high school. DH and I both attended college and grad schools ranked higher than UVA. I will only admit it on an anonymous forum but I would be disappointed with UVA.

So the PP is right—the problem is you and your living in an area surrounded by people just like you.

I get it though, it’s exhausting and I want off the umc dmv hamster wheel. Unfortunately DH wants to stay here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know families in the midwest who make 190K combined, raised 4 kids, and think they've made it. The kids all went to state college (think U Kansas, U Missouri), probably never heard of Amherst or Middlebury. They have like 80K left on 2.7% mortgage, drive two older model US cars, and are super happy. They have never been to Europe or Asia, don't see the need. Once every 5 years will go to Caribbean maybe Mexico. Most of the time their vacations are driving vacations. Depends on how you define MC, but there is a whole trench of MC across America who are ignorant of other possibilities, choices, avenues, careers. And ignorance is bliss.

OP here. This is exactly what I mean. I am thinking of one acquaintance whose kid recently went to Arizona or Alabama and totally proud and satisfied. They live in a modest home, have modest jobs and just seem happy. If you live in McLean and your kid has a 4.3 GPA, you won’t be able to get into UVA. It isn’t high enough. Your kid can play travel soccer or travel baseball their whole lives and get cut from the high school soccer team.

I know the locals think UVA is on par with the Ivies but the rest of the country doesn’t. It’s a very good well priced school but not something these parents who are super competitive would settle for.

As for kids sports that’s the way it is everywhere. Hundreds of kids start out, they start dropping out in middle school but there are still not enough spots for the kids who still want to play in high school.

We don’t think UVA is on par with Ivies. I was just giving an example of what I hear from parents with kids in high school. DH and I both attended college and grad schools ranked higher than UVA. I will only admit it on an anonymous forum but I would be disappointed with UVA.

So the PP is right—the problem is you and your living in an area surrounded by people just like you.

I get it though, it’s exhausting and I want off the umc dmv hamster wheel. Unfortunately DH wants to stay here.

I just noticed your post wondering if you would be happier living in a MC area— IMO if it’s still in dmv, then probably not. There’s no escaping the pressure cooker types here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know families in the midwest who make 190K combined, raised 4 kids, and think they've made it. The kids all went to state college (think U Kansas, U Missouri), probably never heard of Amherst or Middlebury. They have like 80K left on 2.7% mortgage, drive two older model US cars, and are super happy. They have never been to Europe or Asia, don't see the need. Once every 5 years will go to Caribbean maybe Mexico. Most of the time their vacations are driving vacations. Depends on how you define MC, but there is a whole trench of MC across America who are ignorant of other possibilities, choices, avenues, careers. And ignorance is bliss.

OP here. This is exactly what I mean. I am thinking of one acquaintance whose kid recently went to Arizona or Alabama and totally proud and satisfied. They live in a modest home, have modest jobs and just seem happy. If you live in McLean and your kid has a 4.3 GPA, you won’t be able to get into UVA. It isn’t high enough. Your kid can play travel soccer or travel baseball their whole lives and get cut from the high school soccer team.

I know the locals think UVA is on par with the Ivies but the rest of the country doesn’t. It’s a very good well priced school but not something these parents who are super competitive would settle for.

As for kids sports that’s the way it is everywhere. Hundreds of kids start out, they start dropping out in middle school but there are still not enough spots for the kids who still want to play in high school.

We don’t think UVA is on par with Ivies. I was just giving an example of what I hear from parents with kids in high school. DH and I both attended college and grad schools ranked higher than UVA. I will only admit it on an anonymous forum but I would be disappointed with UVA.

Most people who went to Ivies wouldn’t get in nowadays. You might want to adjust your expectations.

My entire point of my post is that our MC friends seem happier. My kids are still young. It is only natural to want your kids to do equal or better than you. I wonder if we would be happier living in a MC neighborhood where people are less motivated and generally more content.

How can you just make a sweeping generalization about MC being happier than UMC. It’s absurd. Happiness is a state of mind and it doesn’t depend on your socioeconomic status. Now maybe you’ll be less insecure if you live amongst MC people so I don’t think the problem is UMC being unhappy. The problem is you being insecure around them.