People who regularly make big changes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So…kind of like someone in the foreign service? Lots of us move every 2-3 years OP.

Hah exactly. This is me and most of my friends.

[Anonymous]

This is my XDH. He has ADHD and is bipolar. He's currently estranged from both our adult kids (and from me) and just moved (again) to a different state, where he knows nobody, to work remotely.

During couples counseling the therapist, commenting on XDH's frequent efforts to move the family to wherever, said that XDH's goal should be to be happy where he was, instead of trying to escape everything and burn it all down on a regular schedule. XDH never found happiness in one spot for long.

[Anonymous]

The only way to get a good raise now is to find another job every 2-3 years, and sometimes that means you have to move.

Some people like novelty, others may to stay far away from relatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So…kind of like someone in the foreign service? Lots of us move every 2-3 years OP.

OP is very concerned about your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So…kind of like someone in the foreign service? Lots of us move every 2-3 years OP.

OP is very concerned about your kids.

No, I’m obviously not concerned about the stable couples in the foreign service who bounce around.

I’m concerned about Linda who left her husband and instead of staying nearby or relocating near grandparents and cousins she opted to move to Hawaii to reinvent herself. She bought a new car, spent way too much money decorating a rental, and bounced around a few jobs. Hooked up with a guy who she quickly moved into her place. Less than two years later she moved the kids clear across the country because she met a guy online. New instant Brady brunch family for a couple of years before bouncing to Florida to reinvent herself at the beach. New boyfriend, new schools, and then within a year or so it was time to move out west—because Linda really wanted to live in the mountains and maybe find a cowboy. She also thought she could make more money as a (fill in the blank for the latest career/job). Didn’t last. Another failed relationship.

The kids are older and over it. One moved in with the family of a childhood friend to finish high school with stability. One dropped out and moved back in his father. One is stuck but itching to launch.

I can’t count the dramatic shifts in hair color and styles. Or the dramatic lifestyle changes. I’m boho! I’m vegan! I’m modern punk. I’m sister wives meets Laura Ashley.

I thought I was pretty clear that I’m not talking about stable two-parent homes or people who relocate for a great job.

I’m talking about primarily single women who quit or get fired all the time and are desperate to find a new life by uprooting themselves and their kids every couple years.

I know several women like Linda.

She’s depressed and medicated but still doing crazy stuff. She’s not dumb, but she makes bad choices. All the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it bother you so much?

Because she does not have the guts to do it. Jealous.

This. OP's whole post is written in victimese with a scoop of projection. Sentient people make changes when they recognize they're unhappy, not fulfilling their goals, capable of more, or even just bored. You aren't "sucked into" drama, you elect to join or opt out.

You can change too, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it bother you so much?

Because she does not have the guts to do it. Jealous.

This. OP's whole post is written in victimese with a scoop of projection. Sentient people make changes when they recognize they're unhappy, not fulfilling their goals, capable of more, or even just bored. You aren't "sucked into" drama, you elect to join or opt out.

You can change too, OP.

Do you think it’s good to move your kids around every year or two? Sending them to new schools clear across the country from their friends and family? Moving into homes with mom’s new boyfriend and his kids and playing blended family for a year or two before moving again?

Quitting jobs every 6 months or so?

Calling friends and family to ask for money?

Selling your car and most belongings to get a fresh start every few years?

Nobody is jealous of these women. And we can’t just walk away when they are family and their kids need support.

And uprooting your kids and make really bad decisions because you are “bored” or deluded enough to think everything will be puppy dogs and rainbows as long as you live by the beach/by the mountains/in a city/in a small town is the epitome of selfishness when you have kids…and downright dangerous when you routinely play house with new men and their kids.

I suppose I’m baffled as to why anyone would think this behavior is okay…and how to help someone snap out of it.

[Anonymous]

You say “nobody is jealous of these women” but I don’t know any women like that and you very much seem to be talking about one person.

[Anonymous]

I job hop because of money. Why would I stick around for a small raise when I can get $50k more at a new one? Plus more responsibility and career growth?

[Anonymous]

I've done it a lot. But I don't have kids. And I do have serious mental health issues. And I am well educated and have plenty of money.

I'm not sure what about it is "so weird."

[Anonymous]

Reminds me of the movie Mermaids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it bother you so much?

Because she does not have the guts to do it. Jealous.

This. OP's whole post is written in victimese with a scoop of projection. Sentient people make changes when they recognize they're unhappy, not fulfilling their goals, capable of more, or even just bored. You aren't "sucked into" drama, you elect to join or opt out.

You can change too, OP.

Do you think it’s good to move your kids around every year or two? Sending them to new schools clear across the country from their friends and family? Moving into homes with mom’s new boyfriend and his kids and playing blended family for a year or two before moving again?

Quitting jobs every 6 months or so?

Calling friends and family to ask for money?

Selling your car and most belongings to get a fresh start every few years?

Nobody is jealous of these women. And we can’t just walk away when they are family and their kids need support.

And uprooting your kids and make really bad decisions because you are “bored” or deluded enough to think everything will be puppy dogs and rainbows as long as you live by the beach/by the mountains/in a city/in a small town is the epitome of selfishness when you have kids…and downright dangerous when you routinely play house with new men and their kids.

I suppose I’m baffled as to why anyone would think this behavior is okay…and how to help someone snap out of it.

Oh ... I think you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say “nobody is jealous of these women” but I don’t know any women like that and you very much seem to be talking about one person.

I’m talking about several people I know who do things like this. Most are divorced/single mothers, but I also know two women who never married/never had kids. While they don’t have the responsibility of kids, they tend to make decisions that don’t make economic sense (largely driven by men they meet online) and they always end up back at home with their parents when they are between jobs (or simply take a year or two or ten off of work while living off their parents).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reminds me of the movie Mermaids

Yes!

It is a bit like that movie.

The irony is I saw that movie in the theater as a teenager with one of the women who acts like this…and I recall her having a strong reaction to how irresponsible Cher was as a parent.