People who regularly make big changes

[Anonymous]

I’m not talking about people who occasionally or once in a blue moon make a big change that would seemingly make sense to any rational person (e.g., moving cross country for a big promotion).

Rather, I’m talking about people who tend to quit their job every 2 or 3 years (or flit between jobs and periods of not working), move to some far flung place (usually far away from family and often following a new/potential significant other), go all in on setting up house and then a big dramatic split and moving to yet another new place to reinvent themselves (oftentimes with a dramatic new hairstyle or car or whatever).

While this sounds fun for a single/childless 20 or 30 something, I know women with kids/teens still doing this…and it just seems so crazy. I’m starting to wonder about their mental health, and I’m definitely worried about their kids being uprooted and forced to adapt to new homes, new schools, new people living in their homes, etc. (I know two kids who basically left the flaky parent to live with extended family or friends in an attempt to gain stability.)

FTR, these are well-educated people. They are seemingly UMC.

It’s so weird.

Anyone else dealing with this?

PS - In anticipation of comments saying MYOB, it’s easier said than done when you are sucked into this by family and friends.

[Anonymous]

So your divorced friend lives an adventurous life and is shacked up with a new hot man and you are jealous?

[Anonymous]

I knew someone like this. But in her case, it was because she had horrifically bad taste and judgment of men. She was married to a man who was abusive, so she got full custody of the kids and moved to another state. She was there and started dating/living a good looking "bad boy" type and he ended also being very bad for her and her kids. She moved herself and the kids to another state. A couple of years later, the kids dad found them and flew out to try and "get his kids". She left and moved them again. Each time she only let a small handful of people know. She had a best friend and anyone that needed to contact her, would contact the BFF and she would relay to this woman and sometimes respond for her.

Not a good way to live. I felt sorry for her. I haven't seen her in about 10 years (I don't need to know where she is and I definitely don't need her XH attention).

[Anonymous]

I have some friends like this. They appear UMC but actually have chosen professions that are low paying/artistic and this creates a lot of financial instability.

[Anonymous]

One of my relatives is like this. They are childfree by choice and move houses every 5 years. Sometimes the move is within the same general area, other times they move states away. It's costly, but they have the funds. They're always been impulsive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my relatives is like this. They are childfree by choice and move houses every 5 years. Sometimes the move is within the same general area, other times they move states away. It's costly, but they have the funds. They're always been impulsive.

Do you think they are happy? Do they think they made any mistakes moving states away?

[Anonymous]

So…kind of like someone in the foreign service? Lots of us move every 2-3 years OP.

[Anonymous]

I’m not OP, but it seems like we’re not talking about people whose jobs move them. I also know people who are like this, and generally they just crave a huge amount of novelty, and maybe they also suffer from a “grass is greener elsewhere” malaise. It’s not great to be the child of this person. If they have no kids, then more power to them.

[Anonymous]

Normal now is to change jobs every few years. It's the only way to get more money or in some cases promoted. My spouse had a 20 year stable military career and the past 20+ years has job jumped every 2-4 years. Usually its for more money or contract ending.

[Anonymous]

Why does it bother you so much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my relatives is like this. They are childfree by choice and move houses every 5 years. Sometimes the move is within the same general area, other times they move states away. It's costly, but they have the funds. They're always been impulsive.

Do you think they are happy? Do they think they made any mistakes moving states away?

I think they are happy initially after a move, then they get restless. Some of their house purchases have been mistakes, but then they don't have to live with those mistakes very long. I don't know what truly makes them happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Normal now is to change jobs every few years. It's the only way to get more money or in some cases promoted. My spouse had a 20 year stable military career and the past 20+ years has job jumped every 2-4 years. Usually its for more money or contract ending.

This is me. I have a very stable life/marriage/mortgage, but after my first initial job (long-term to build skills and reputation), I have changed jobs every 1-3 years for the last ten years. Every single time it has been for more money and most times for a promotion. I like to be really challenged at work and I get bored easily.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you by any chance identified the astrological sign of these people?

Any chance they are all Sagittarians?

[Anonymous]

This could be so many things. I understand the concern for the kids, but as long as the adult is not causing themselves financial issues or requiring other people to come to their rescue, does it matter?

People with ADHD can be very impulsive and “all in” on a new person, hobby, job until the novelty wears off. Could be bipolar. Could be past trauma or anxiety - running away from themselves or thinking something else is always better. Maybe they can’t handle criticism or conflict and their instinct with relationship or job issues is just to burn it down and start fresh.
I know a handful of people like this and I have a hunch what each of them is running away from or looking for, but as long as they are not looking for others to bail them out, I don’t see the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does it bother you so much?

Because she does not have the guts to do it. Jealous.