What to do about mother’s estate and greedy aunts?

[Anonymous]

OP needs an estate liquidation service. They will put all the items off to one side as they empty the house. The aunts can pick through it. But then the liquidation service takes everything away. It will force quick decisions.

[Anonymous]

This is a situation where home organizers and very helpful especially if you need to sell the home from far away. Is your Mom in the DC area?

[Anonymous]

There is nothing wrong with using1 800 junk. You will need them anyway at the end, if you have them handle a little more, it is fine, too.

Perfect distribution takes time and energy you may not want to devote to this process.

Concentrate on yourself and your mom now. The aunts don’t warrant your mental space when you may be emotionally on empty right now.

I rushed through my mom’s stuff to avoid pain. Was that necessary? No. Do I wish Igaddone it differently? Also no.

[Anonymous]

You would rather donate or throw things away than let family who want them have them? That's incredibly selfish.

[Anonymous]

If you have power of attorney, change the locks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing you describe sounds like greed. It sounds like grieving sisters who want sentimental items. From your title, I expected a story about millions of dollars. But elderly sisters who want some valueless clothes and jewelry their sister owned because they love her? That’s not greed. That’s profound grief.

If you don’t care about anything, let them wander around the house. Why would you even care? Let them take what they want. Once it’s out of your house, it’s one more item you don’t have to deal with.

You sound like the issue here more than anything.

You don’t know them or their relationship with my mother, so I’m asking you to trust me. It’s maybe not greed, you’re right. It’s control, then.

I don’t care what they take at all, but I don’t have time or energy to fool around while they argue about it, nor do I want to halt progress by holding on to things while they nickel and dime buyers on the internet and claim they don’t have a place to store the things. I don’t have the energy to fight with them.

Make clear that there will be a set date where the house has to be and WILL be cleaned out. And if they don’t want things donated to good will then suggest that they rent a storage space and movers on their own dime and they’re free to do what they want with the rest of the stuff not mentioned in a will but that one way or another the house is being emptied on a set date.

[Anonymous]

Change the locks for now, and tell them when you get things wrapped up, they will be able to come take (from what you have left).

[Anonymous]

Take the stuff you want first, and then let them take what they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You would rather donate or throw things away than let family who want them have them? That's incredibly selfish.

No, it's efficient and economical, and OP is smart to be planning how to get rid of everything without hiring help beyond a trash-hauling service.

Getting the house cleaned out needs to be the priority, not feeding her aunts' side hustle.

[Anonymous]

Pick a weekend for them to come and take/mark what they want on day one and pick up and move the rest on the next day. Tell them donation truck is coming the next day and everything else is going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
1. You give them what's in the will.

2. Then you secure the things you want for yourself, that you are entitled to under the terms of the will.

3. Finally, you bring people in to choose additional items at their leisure. This will lead to fights, maybe, but at least you'll have made the gesture.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need preemptive advice, please!

They are thinking my mother will be moved into hospice care soon. Long story short, I don’t have a close, or really any, relationship with my living aunts or cousins on my mother’s side....

My mother still has a house full of “stuff”...r HAS a will, and has many things left to people in said will....

Assume you're mother's POA and will be executor. And mother has agreed to start this process. Any siblings?

1. put all objects specified in the will in one room. Label with numbered post its that match number on a spread sheet.
2. Beneficiaries of house and contents not specified in will.pick what you/your children/ and same for sibs/nieces/nephews .
3. get estate sale/liquidators in and they will choose what is sellable. Tag that stuff.
4. then have a morning or afternoon where the relatives come in at the same time and they can put tags/labels on remaining stuff.
Remove it on same day.
5. estate company moves out stuff. Auctions are held and if there is $$$ stuff they might have wanted they can bid.
6. other stuff gets donated or 1-800 junked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need preemptive advice, please!

They are thinking my mother will be moved into hospice care soon. Long story short, I don’t have a close, or really any, relationship with my living aunts or cousins on my mother’s side. Our relationships are cordial at best as my mother is declining. They try to insert themselves into her care, because they are notorious busybodies who care more about being in control than they care about my mother, but that’s a story for a different time.

My mother still has a house full of “stuff”. Not a hoarder by any means, but rooms full of an average amount of old furniture. There are some items of sentimental/familial value that I know these aunts/cousins will come looking to claim. My mother HAS a will, and has many things left to people in said will. But I know they will want to come poke through everything looking for more, and will disagree with me just disposing and/or donating the rest. Most things are truly worthless, and I don’t have time, energy, or desire to profit from any of it. I will make fast work of clearing her house.

So I’m pondering what to do. Do I allow them a set time on a set day to poke around for what they want, stipulating they come with Uhauls or equivalent to take it THEN? Or do I just not even invite the drama, give them just what’s stated in the will, and do what I want despite their protests?

They get what she bequeathed to them. If you really want to let them choose other things then I would remove everything that you want to a separate room and lock that door. Give them two hours to choose what they want with the proviso that they take with them in that day. Make sure you are there to supervise them.