Loving multiple parents or children is fine, so why is loving multiple romantic partners so controversial?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Monogamy is largely a Christian thing. The Romans first imposed monogamy in their social construct so men wouldn’t be off looking for more wives and would be at home paying taxes and waiting for war. Christianity turned it into the moral issue it is today.

Correct. Monogamy effectively pairs up women and men. Societies which are non monogamous tend to have large numbers of young men without access to wives / sexual partners; which we know from history is always extremely destabilizing for any culture. This construct for paved the way for the enlightenment and centuries of progress.

Furthermore, evidence tells us that polygamist societies have much worse outcomes for women and especially children, in terms of abuse and neglect.

[Anonymous]

I think in theory it’s great but it never seems to work. In theory I would like a nice sister wife to have a friend to chat with and complain about my husband with and help with cooking and stuff that my husband is terrible at.

In practice I would probably get irritated by her the same way I get irritated by my husband and because the structure is not traditional I would then feel more free to just eject her from the house than I do my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP to this thread (and OP of the modern monogamy one). I’m romantically involved with two men with their knowledge and consent, and feel zero shame or guilt about it.

Are you okay with each of them having multiple partners

With BF, yes for sure. With DH, in theory yes as well but he hasn’t put it into practice (his choice) so I can’t say with absolute certainty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could love more than one person romantically but I would not and have not ever had a sexual relationship with more than one person at a time. For me that is a step too far, especially when you consider the STD aspect of it for which there is no 100% effective preventative.

There is difference between loving someone and being in love. I have two guy friends I love who are like brothers to me and have been for eons. If I were single I could see myself being romantically attracted to them. But I’m in love with my husband and I’m extremely content. I never think about STD issues.

[Anonymous]

I think in theory it’s great but it never seems to work. In theory I would like a nice sister wife to have a friend to chat with and complain about my husband with and help with cooking and stuff that my husband is terrible at.

In practice I would probably get irritated by her the same way I get irritated by my husband and because the structure is not traditional I would then feel more free to just eject her from the house than I do my husband.

What if she eject you from the house? Would you wander around looking to be a sister-wife someplace else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP to this thread (and OP of the modern monogamy one). I’m romantically involved with two men with their knowledge and consent, and feel zero shame or guilt about it.

Are you okay with each of them having multiple partners

With BF, yes for sure. With DH, in theory yes as well but he hasn’t put it into practice (his choice) so I can’t say with absolute certainty.

Oh you’re married? Is there a physical issue with DH, or…?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP to this thread (and OP of the modern monogamy one). I’m romantically involved with two men with their knowledge and consent, and feel zero shame or guilt about it.

Are you okay with each of them having multiple partners

With BF, yes for sure. With DH, in theory yes as well but he hasn’t put it into practice (his choice) so I can’t say with absolute certainty.

Oh you’re married? Is there a physical issue with DH, or…?

Yes, married. No physical issue with DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could love more than one person romantically but I would not and have not ever had a sexual relationship with more than one person at a time. For me that is a step too far, especially when you consider the STD aspect of it for which there is no 100% effective preventative.

There is difference between loving someone and being in love. I have two guy friends I love who are like brothers to me and have been for eons. If I were single I could see myself being romantically attracted to them. But I’m in love with my husband and I’m extremely content. I never think about STD issues.

I am divorced but when I was married I loved one or two other guys over the course of my marriage and was sexually attracted to them but did not have sex with them because I was married and I only do one sex partner at a time. I do think about STD issues because I got herpes from a guy I dated after my divorce. I didn't think about STDs much either before that happened.

[Anonymous]

Stop conflating love with sex, or romance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another troll post, this sub is overrun with them...

And so many weird posts about polyamory. Go to reddit folks. The reality is that DCUM is politically liberal, but very traditional when it comes to relationships. And it skews older. The vast majority of posters have no personal experience with polyamory. There are definitely people from cultures where men can have multiple wives, but, this is not really what OP is asking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could love more than one person romantically but I would not and have not ever had a sexual relationship with more than one person at a time. For me that is a step too far, especially when you consider the STD aspect of it for which there is no 100% effective preventative.

There is difference between loving someone and being in love. I have two guy friends I love who are like brothers to me and have been for eons. If I were single I could see myself being romantically attracted to them. But I’m in love with my husband and I’m extremely content. I never think about STD issues.

I am divorced but when I was married I loved one or two other guys over the course of my marriage and was sexually attracted to them but did not have sex with them because I was married and I only do one sex partner at a time. I do think about STD issues because I got herpes from a guy I dated after my divorce. I didn't think about STDs much either before that happened.

How is your dating life after getting HSV2? I do think of it as well , and scared of catching it . Dating is hard enough for women in muddle age; imagine added burden of explaining herpes to all potential partners !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could love more than one person romantically but I would not and have not ever had a sexual relationship with more than one person at a time. For me that is a step too far, especially when you consider the STD aspect of it for which there is no 100% effective preventative.

There is difference between loving someone and being in love. I have two guy friends I love who are like brothers to me and have been for eons. If I were single I could see myself being romantically attracted to them. But I’m in love with my husband and I’m extremely content. I never think about STD issues.

I am divorced but when I was married I loved one or two other guys over the course of my marriage and was sexually attracted to them but did not have sex with them because I was married and I only do one sex partner at a time. I do think about STD issues because I got herpes from a guy I dated after my divorce. I didn't think about STDs much either before that happened.

How is your dating life after getting HSV2? I do think of it as well , and scared of catching it . Dating is hard enough for women in muddle age; imagine added burden of explaining herpes to all potential partners !

I dated a few guys after my divorce but trust me when I say that didn't go far once the topic of herpes came up. As of now I don't date at all although I very rarely have herpes symptoms, like once every year or two and even then there are no sores just tingling and flu-like feeling that goes away if I get an antiviral med. It's a discussion I'd rather not have though but if I meet a guy I really like a lot and the interest seems mutual I would likely take a chance that he wouldn't run if I open the discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could love more than one person romantically but I would not and have not ever had a sexual relationship with more than one person at a time. For me that is a step too far, especially when you consider the STD aspect of it for which there is no 100% effective preventative.

There is difference between loving someone and being in love. I have two guy friends I love who are like brothers to me and have been for eons. If I were single I could see myself being romantically attracted to them. But I’m in love with my husband and I’m extremely content. I never think about STD issues.

I am divorced but when I was married I loved one or two other guys over the course of my marriage and was sexually attracted to them but did not have sex with them because I was married and I only do one sex partner at a time. I do think about STD issues because I got herpes from a guy I dated after my divorce. I didn't think about STDs much either before that happened.

How is your dating life after getting HSV2? I do think of it as well , and scared of catching it . Dating is hard enough for women in muddle age; imagine added burden of explaining herpes to all potential partners !

I dated a few guys after my divorce but trust me when I say that didn't go far once the topic of herpes came up. As of now I don't date at all although I very rarely have herpes symptoms, like once every year or two and even then there are no sores just tingling and flu-like feeling that goes away if I get an antiviral med. It's a discussion I'd rather not have though but if I meet a guy I really like a lot and the interest seems mutual I would likely take a chance that he wouldn't run if I open the discussion.

Hold on, are you saying men back off if you have regular cold sores/HSV1? Or you have HSV2? HSV1 is very common and I had two guys explaining me that “everyone has it”. So apparently men are not NEARLY as tolerant when a woman has cold sore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The majority of people say that loving multiple romantic partners is deviant and immoral. More people probably do it than is commonly known, but even so, I assume from reactions here and from my own life experience that most people don't do it or are very ashamed when they do. But why?

Why are they ashamed or why do people shame them?
My husband and I hide our other relationships from most people because most of our long term friends we met before were freaked out by it if we did confide it to them. And it actually really sucks when you've been with someone for longer than a lot of marriages and people still think of it like it's all about sex. I am not ashamed but recognize that a lot of people think it's morally wrong. So it's better not to tell them.

Why do people shame poly people? I think usually because it threatens something in them. They think it's weird, which is fine, I guess. It is not the norm. But there are a lot of things people do that are weird that don't get the same hate.

However, I don't think being poly is better than being monogamous. If you're in any long term relationship, it starts to get monotonous. That's probably why a lot of "secondary" relationships don't last as long as "primary" ones. Because they are driven by novelty. If you get past that point, you're in 2 (or more....I don't know how people do that) serious relationships. From a woman's perspective, it's a lot of emotional labor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could love more than one person romantically but I would not and have not ever had a sexual relationship with more than one person at a time. For me that is a step too far, especially when you consider the STD aspect of it for which there is no 100% effective preventative.

There is difference between loving someone and being in love. I have two guy friends I love who are like brothers to me and have been for eons. If I were single I could see myself being romantically attracted to them. But I’m in love with my husband and I’m extremely content. I never think about STD issues.

I am divorced but when I was married I loved one or two other guys over the course of my marriage and was sexually attracted to them but did not have sex with them because I was married and I only do one sex partner at a time. I do think about STD issues because I got herpes from a guy I dated after my divorce. I didn't think about STDs much either before that happened.

How is your dating life after getting HSV2? I do think of it as well , and scared of catching it . Dating is hard enough for women in muddle age; imagine added burden of explaining herpes to all potential partners !

I dated a few guys after my divorce but trust me when I say that didn't go far once the topic of herpes came up. As of now I don't date at all although I very rarely have herpes symptoms, like once every year or two and even then there are no sores just tingling and flu-like feeling that goes away if I get an antiviral med. It's a discussion I'd rather not have though but if I meet a guy I really like a lot and the interest seems mutual I would likely take a chance that he wouldn't run if I open the discussion.

Hold on, are you saying men back off if you have regular cold sores/HSV1? Or you have HSV2? HSV1 is very common and I had two guys explaining me that “everyone has it”. So apparently men are not NEARLY as tolerant when a woman has cold sore

Most men and women are reluctant to have sex with someone who tells them they have genital herpes unless they have it too. About 12% of the population over 14 have it.

Unfortunately many people simply don't mention it so that they will not get rejected by potential sex partners.