Questions for People in Their 50s With Career Success and Family "Success" (success defined as deep satisfaction)

[Anonymous]

These are lovely answers. As a 41 year old with three young kids who stresses out enormously about my career and balance and trying to enjoy life, it’s nice to be reminded that it’s a long game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a few yrs older than you and started earlier on kids so one is done w/college, one in college, and one in HS. Lived in this area my entire life and am happy w/where we are $ and family-wise.
1. What did you find rewarding about your job? What have you enjoyed? I've had 2 main careers - first when kids were little, made very little $ but off work by 3pm each day. Make about 6x now and work a lot more. Not really looking for much of a reward outside financial but it's interesting, I work hard, and most of the people are decent.
2. What do you wish you did differently? Honestly, nothing. Starting a family early was tough but glad I did. Buying a crappy house and fixing it up was a lot with little kids but very rewarding (esp $$).

It's all about balance. If you're lucky enough to be raising kids with a partner, share the load. The kids will be better for it and you won't resent each other. $$ only gets you so far - can't take it with you.

Sounds like you have the life hack of buying a house before they exploded in cost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I managed to goof off and enjoy life till I was 35. Party all the time.

Got married 36 still making peanuts as spent prior 14 years clubbing and dating and coming to work hung over.

By 45 had three kids, a house. SAHW and a 400k a year salary.

My income peaked at 755k when I was 55.

I only made 55 a year at 35. I moved my salary 700k over 20 years the partying and a SAHW helped. Since I only started focusing on work around 40 I was very fresh from 45 to 55 while my coworkers my age were burnt out.

I have a 1.8 million home and 600k beach house and all colleges fully funded and seceral million in my retirement accounts. And no interest in retiring to 70. Goofing off till 35 I still feel motivate and young.

Not everyone can be a sale bro, I’m guessing you hooked up into tech sales when it boomed?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:What does high salary mean? Have you paid off your house, have college fully funded, and setup down payment and trusts for your kids and plan to retire at 55?

We both stayed in the $190k Fed job which was interesting work but mostly because it felt too hard to disrupt lifestyle of kids with a job that required one of us to work beyond the 9-5. Now we will work into our 70s as a result of that choice.

I certainly wished I had doubled down and earned the big money to have real options as I near 60! If you think you family can handle your absence go for it. I will say middle and early high school were the most demanding for after school activities, helping kids with homework or projects, so they really don’t get easier in a lot of ways.

You seriously mismanaged your money if youre a fed (pension) and brought home 400K for an even just a decade and still can't retire.

3 kids college is projected to be $1.5M

House is $1.2M in middling school district with decent commute.

Helping 3 kids with down payment, $900k

We haven’t always made near $400k, 10 years ago my salary was $90k, and spouse was $130k.

I do think we saved poorly, because we bought our house late because we always planned to return to home, and cash savings make terrible investments. We have no family safety net, so always worried about someone losing job or getting sick and not working (both our parents lost jobs or dropped out of work force at 50, and it was very difficult time in our upbringing).

We really want to give our kids the safety net we didn’t have when they are starting out, so we will keep working until that is built.

You’re house poor.

Yes, we are aware of that, so what should we do? Get a time machine?

It’s a choice to pay $1.5M for college. My lord. State schools would be way less.

Do you have six kids? You are projecting college costs for three and also helping three with a down payment??

I hope you guys start caring for yourselves first.

Getting into the good state schools is no guarantee anymore. It’s a blood sport.

Maybe, if you subscribe to the notion that there are only one or two good state schools in your state. Have you looked at the top seven or so state schools in your state? What are there admissions criteria? Based on their stats, do you really feel your kids have a poor chance of getting in?

[Anonymous]

56. 3 kids -10th-college freshman. Very happy with family. My job is not so high power - I make about $200k. I drive kids to/from school daily. I go to all games, performances, etc. I’m there for them always. Wouldn’t change that for the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP, thanks for the responses. I’m seeing a bit of a common thread for federal service which I’ve been considering (I moved to DC bc I thought I’d eventually go to government). I’m a lawyer by training and have worked in big law and in house for the last 10 years. I’ve been the breadwinner and my salary has been $350-400k for the last 4 years. My spouse has had a couple of layoffs (startups) and his salary has been below $200k.

Our kids college funds are fully funded for private, our mortgage is around $400k at 3.5 percent. We have been able to afford everything we want.

I’ve worked between 35-50 hours a week but with lots of flexibility (and my spouse is a very involved parent as well). As I mentioned I’m ambitious and want to lead a team and tap into my creativity. But I also want to continue to be an involved parent. Mentally, I’m a bit anxious and have always prioritized school and work, partially due to upbringing and partially personality. I have trouble being present generally.

I guess I say all that to give a sense as to why it’s kind of challenging to figure out what I really want, and also what I really need.

I am a 54-year-old working mom with 3 kids (ages 14, 19, and 21). I worked part-time for 10 years and full-time (but flexible) for 10 years. I was a SAHM for one year when my oldest was born.

I am very content with life now, but when I look at my life ages 33-49 , I realize that I was stressed out with the overall juggle. I honestly think that, at least for me (with a little bit of ADHD), even working part-time was kind of too much with 3 kids. (DH and I are a two-lawyer couple. He was a fed for a long time (now private sector), but we did not come from family money, and so DH's salary amount was stressful and I felt I had to grind away in the private sector.)

OP, your kids are ages 8 and 10. The next 8-10 years are precious and will go fast. Tweens and teens have more challenges now than in the past, due to social media and the overall culture. The value of having a parent be present is immeasurable, even if only to chat with the kids after school, keep them occupied and off of devices/screens. I would really prioritize that. Perhaps have your DH be the more present one, since your salary is higher.