Coworker with poor eye contact

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get used to it. I teach kindergarten and lots of kids don't know how to make eye contact. I think years of tech use during their first five years has scrambled their brains. In addition to the inability to make eye contact, they have trouble listening to others, near constant interruptions, inability to focus on anything for more than a minute or two, etc. Basically, we have 2 yr olds in kindergarten. I don't think this will be getting any better.

This is screens and also a parenting fail. Parents are afraid to make kids sit for meals, sustain uncomfortable situations, and do things that are “inauthentic” like make eye contact, say hello, and other manners. They model it for them and think that’s enough. It’s not.

[Anonymous]

Considering the way you insist on here that she should be making eye contact with YOU...

... I'm going to guess that this person is probably not comfortable around you. It's personal, because your personalities don't match. She is probably on the spectrum and able to overcome that discomfort when around other people she finds more congenial, but YOU? From the way you respond, I wouldn't necessarily want to be around you either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you know the answer. Some people find making eye contact really, really uncomfortable. Just assume this colleague has some kind of autism spectrum disorder and respond as graciously as you can.

Social skills are a real gift, but not everyone was given that gift.

Op here. I have seen her in other settings and she is able to greet people and make eye contact. The ironic thing is our clients have intellectual disabilities and these are social skills we help them with. All the clients are able to return a hi and have pretty good eye contact as well.

So again, your concern is what?

I’m curious too.

Some people seem to just expect others to “just know” social skills and assume that those who don’t have them are “rude.”

When, really they aren’t willing to think and communicate their needs and expectations.

Again, OP. What is making you uncomfortable and what might others ways your coworker can offer assurances

[Anonymous]

Some people have bad eyes, like their eyes do not go to the direction where they are looking at. It's Ocular myasthenia gravis.
You do what is comfortable to you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people make such a big deal over eye contact? There are so many reasons why many people do not make eye contact.

Poor eye contact followed by ignoring someone's greeting is considered rude. I don't make the rules. If it happened every once in a while whatever but it's a regular thing. I'm sure she doesn't do this with managers because she knows it's rude.

You literally did make up a rule right now. You can't control other people's rules, but you can choose not to be offended by this harmless behavior. Try it, you might like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you know the answer. Some people find making eye contact really, really uncomfortable. Just assume this colleague has some kind of autism spectrum disorder and respond as graciously as you can.

Social skills are a real gift, but not everyone was given that gift.

Op here. I have seen her in other settings and she is able to greet people and make eye contact. The ironic thing is our clients have intellectual disabilities and these are social skills we help them with. All the clients are able to return a hi and have pretty good eye contact as well.

So again, your concern is what?

OP is not the center of attention and it's not fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people make such a big deal over eye contact? There are so many reasons why many people do not make eye contact.

Poor eye contact followed by ignoring someone's greeting is considered rude. I don't make the rules. If it happened every once in a while whatever but it's a regular thing. I'm sure she doesn't do this with managers because she knows it's rude.

In some cultures sustained eye contact is rude and aggressive.

Op here. We are in the US and she's American.

+1.. pp’s point is irrelevant

No it isn't, Plenty of Americans are from different backgrounds and cultures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people make such a big deal over eye contact? There are so many reasons why many people do not make eye contact.

Poor eye contact followed by ignoring someone's greeting is considered rude. I don't make the rules. If it happened every once in a while whatever but it's a regular thing. I'm sure she doesn't do this with managers because she knows it's rude.

That is not a rule. It might be your preference, maybe you made it a rule in your home, but it absolutely is not a universal rule for all people everywhere.

She might not like you. Maybe she thinks you are rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people make such a big deal over eye contact? There are so many reasons why many people do not make eye contact.

Poor eye contact followed by ignoring someone's greeting is considered rude. I don't make the rules. If it happened every once in a while whatever but it's a regular thing. I'm sure she doesn't do this with managers because she knows it's rude.

That is not a rule. It might be your preference, maybe you made it a rule in your home, but it absolutely is not a universal rule for all people everywhere.

She might not like you. Maybe she thinks you are rude.

Op here you guys are so ridiculous. I took a communication class in college and yes it is a "rule". I knew that before I began college and I am going to guess that everyone else on this forum knows that as well. Excuses, excuses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people make such a big deal over eye contact? There are so many reasons why many people do not make eye contact.

Poor eye contact followed by ignoring someone's greeting is considered rude. I don't make the rules. If it happened every once in a while whatever but it's a regular thing. I'm sure she doesn't do this with managers because she knows it's rude.

That is not a rule. It might be your preference, maybe you made it a rule in your home, but it absolutely is not a universal rule for all people everywhere.

She might not like you. Maybe she thinks you are rude.

Op here you guys are so ridiculous. I took a communication class in college and yes it is a "rule". I knew that before I began college and I am going to guess that everyone else on this forum knows that as well. Excuses, excuses

This isn't something to brag about.

[Anonymous]

ASD

[Anonymous]

if they are GEN Z is ASD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people make such a big deal over eye contact? There are so many reasons why many people do not make eye contact.

Poor eye contact followed by ignoring someone's greeting is considered rude. I don't make the rules. If it happened every once in a while whatever but it's a regular thing. I'm sure she doesn't do this with managers because she knows it's rude.

In some cultures sustained eye contact is rude and aggressive.

Op here. We are in the US and she's American.

+1.. pp’s point is irrelevant

No it isn't, Plenty of Americans are from different backgrounds and cultures.

Irrelevant because OP claims she will not give HER eye contact but gives other people eye contact and is friendly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people make such a big deal over eye contact? There are so many reasons why many people do not make eye contact.

Poor eye contact followed by ignoring someone's greeting is considered rude. I don't make the rules. If it happened every once in a while whatever but it's a regular thing. I'm sure she doesn't do this with managers because she knows it's rude.

In some cultures sustained eye contact is rude and aggressive.

Op here. We are in the US and she's American.

+1.. pp’s point is irrelevant

No it isn't, Plenty of Americans are from different backgrounds and cultures.

Irrelevant because OP claims she will not give HER eye contact but gives other people eye contact and is friendly

Op yes. This and she's slightly higher in the hierarchy than me. I find it funny because she lectures the clients on the importance of manners all the time but she's allowed to be rude and she asks me for favors a lot. I am not going to do them anymore. I go to work on days I am not working sometimes to help out with something so she doesn't have to drive over. I live a lot closer to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get used to it. I teach kindergarten and lots of kids don't know how to make eye contact. I think years of tech use during their first five years has scrambled their brains. In addition to the inability to make eye contact, they have trouble listening to others, near constant interruptions, inability to focus on anything for more than a minute or two, etc. Basically, we have 2 yr olds in kindergarten. I don't think this will be getting any better.

I appreciate what you do OP.