How long? School Refusal
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Anonymous
| CPS will not care. Make an appointment with your ped or primary care, get a psychological evaluation and therapy. Try everything including bribing. Maybe see if your child can transfer to another public. |
Anonymous
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I had a fifth grader with school refusal and it was awful. It just seemed like suddenly generalized non-specific anxiety and as a parent it was very hard to understand. He went to Ross Center but less than two weeks after the issue started they shut the schools down for COVID. We felt like one of the few families that got lucky when that happened because after some time at home our son has never had an issue since (nor does he display any real signs of anxiety). Don’t roast me about COVID. I’m just saying the very specific situation in our family and timing actually worked for us individually. I’m not saying that COVID shutdowns was the best thing for every special and non-special needs child.
Your situation is obviously different but like some others suggest I wondered if it was something to that specific classroom environment that drove the issue. |
Anonymous
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From PP:
"When school refusal arises, it is clear that the environment is not a good fit for the kid's needs at the moment. It is a cry for help. That level of stress can be quite toxic to the child (and to the rest of the family, as you've noted). It could be sensory related, social anxiety that isn't under control, the energy spent masking, or a myriad of other things." This is it 100%!! It's not about home being fun. It's about school being intolerable for your kid. Dig in and try and find out the why, and if you can possibly afford it, consider a new environment. Do not listen to the judgement of those who have never been through this, OP. |
Anonymous
The situation at school could be stressful and it could also be many other causes and that certainly needs to be worked out. People recommended assessments, IOP, IEP/504, environmental changes and school changes to help with this. It can also be true that allowing unlimited YouTube videos at home and placing very few demands during the day is likely not helping the situation and probably making things much worse. Just because it’s a harsh reality doesn’t make it judgmental. |
Anonymous
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APS parent here. Two stories.
1. we have an IEP that's full of every possible thing for ADHD, dyslexia, dysgraphia, and a strong, well run, IEP "team." One day I get a call from an APS truant officer (not the school's the county's) saying that Larlo had been tardy more or less every day for a month. I was shocked that the IEP team didn't warn me or the school didn't tell me. The problem in this case was the parent bringing the kid to school and we solved it. So no, don't worry about CPS but be aware that you might get a call. 2. I've delt with school refusal with both my SN kids. With the first, it was undiagnosed learning disabilities. If you haven't done so, ask for "a child study" which is where a bunch of people come together and discuss your child and propose testing. If you have an IEP meeting, you can call another one at any time. I think they have to schedule one of those two things, maybe both, within 10 business days. During this last round of school refusal, I discovered that one of the pull-out teachers was stressing my kid out first thing in the am. I spoke to the case -carrier, that person got switched out, and magically, NO school refusal. YOu need to meet with many people at the school to figure out what's going on. He's not staying at home to watch you tube. Something's going on. |
Anonymous
| I’m sorry you and your family are dealing with this. It’s a nightmare and all too common. I second the above posters saying that the situation at school is intolerable for some reason. Either the intolerable issue needs to be fixed or your child needs to go to a different school. Private, a different public, virtual, or homeschool. I get the youtube issue, trying to manage work and school refusal is highly challenging. Is it possible to take some time off and get your kid out of the area for a change of scenery and a reset? Or a few day trips? Is he anti school in general or just this school? |
Anonymous
We did it and worked FT. We work shift work though so could make it work. If OP is working from home it could work. It doesn’t need to be 6 hours a day. Some could be daytime and some could be evening. Could even do it on weekends if that’s what works for you family. |
Anonymous
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Oh this sounds so hard for your family. I can empathize because I have a SN kid that sucks up a lot of my energy during explosive times (although no school refusal so far knock on wood) and it’s so disruptive to trying to maintain employment and spending time with other kids. And I’ve definitely relied on screen time as a crutch when I absolutely need to work, so no judgment from me.
But I do think the PPs are on point that you need to find a way to reign in the YouTube. It’s going to be impossible to handle that in the middle of a work day, so I recommend trying to cut it over a long weekend or take some leave (maybe even FMLA if necessary because ED and even handing IEP stuff is covered) and just bracing yourself. It will totally suck at first, but must be done. We don’t allow YouTube at all in our home anymore because we hate what it does to our kids. I’d rather they play interactive video games or watch movies even. YouTube is just the absolute worst for kids with impulse/emotional issues. I also agree with PPs to dig into the why your kid doesn’t want to go to school. My kid was melting down at school and it turned out there was a particular class that was really setting him off (he would start spiraling in the lead up to it and continue into the aftermath of it each day, so it was hard to pinpoint the exact cause). We got him some extra supports/a quiet place to work independently, which was a game changer. I would seriously listen to him and make sure he knows you are on his side. I tell my kids all the time that even when they don’t like what I’m saying, I am on their side 100%. And I will do my best to help them if they tell me what is wrong. I know you say home schooling isn’t an option, but I would try to be open to creative options (e.g. half days in person with some online courses or whatever the school will accommodate). And it doesn’t have to be forever. Kids change so much that by HS you may not need the same level of accommodations. Good luck to you OP! |
Anonymous
| Why can't you just change the Wi-Fi password and not tell them or hook up their devices? Take the iPads and laptops with you when you leave? |
Anonymous
I'm guessing OP is using Youtube to occupy her son while she works because she is unable to supervise him closely and get her work done at the same time. If she didn't have a job, she could take him on hikes, make him read books, etc, but she is at the end of her rope and just wants him safe and occupied. She's doing the best she can. The Youtube is not great, but the real problem is much more complicated than cutting the internet access. |
Anonymous
I disagree. This kid isn't 4 years old, he can take care of himself in the house even without a screen. The YouTube and screen access is a huge problem. Why would he try to tolerate school when he is allowed to zone out on screens and avoid his problems? If there were only books to read and paper to draw on and legos to play with I bet he would occupy himself for awhile and then be ready to go back. |
Anonymous
| What is an IOP? |
Anonymous
He’s a mentally ill MSer who has depression, anxiety and explosive rage. So yeah most MSers could take care of themselves. But maybe OPs can’t. |
Anonymous
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OP,
I have a high schooler with school refusal as well. We ended up pulling. I’m not suggesting pulling to homeschool completely, but if you have any work flexibility, you might be able to craft a part time model. Fusion is really expensive full time, but you might look at taking one class there on a part time basis to keep up skills in math and/or reading. There’s a couple of micro schools/homeschool drop off coops that might work as well. Our high schooler is old enough for dual enrollment so we ended up going that route. Taking it very slowly to heal the mental health issues. I’ll echo what others said about avoiding excessive you tube use. You might try redirecting the you tube usage to something more academic. Crash course you tube also has a curriculum that goes with different units. I don’t know how you define middle income, but you might want to look into private schools that are less expensive that the $40-$50k schools. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| IOP is an intensive outpatient program. Like 2 -3 hours of therapy in the afternoon several days a week. It’s sometimes recommended when kids have school refusal, especially if there is depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues. It’s a mix of group therapy, individual, family, etc… |