Female same sex infertility - insensitive to ask why other partner can't carry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I’m not sure that it’s offensive to ask a hetero couple with RPL if they considered surrogacy….

I think it’s always a minefield when people ask someone who is experiencing infertility if they have considered adoption/surrogacy/donor eggs/donor sperm/the advantages of living child free. Can anyone reasonably think that someone who has had to resort to fertility treatments, used donor sperm, and experienced RPL doesn’t have a firm grasp on their options?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in a 2-woman couple where one couldn't get pregnant and I didn't try. I was well aware that I have a uterus and that I could seek fertility treatment and didn't need anyone telling me that. It's likely the person was looking for sympathy, not solutions--especially ones that are blatantly obvious.

Woman in general want sympathy, not solutions.

[Anonymous]

I’m sure they already thought about it. When you go through infertility, it’s very lonely in that it’s a problem only you can solve. You think of all your options and analyze and over analyze.

I thought of my sister being a surrogate, my friends being donors. You are grasping at anything for have that baby. You exhaust everything and then try the route of adoption.

[Anonymous]

Anything involving anyone else's reproductive plans is off the table. I'm sure they are fully aware what their possible options are. Unless it is brought up by that couple or individual, leave it alone. Just smile and nod. No matter how comfortable you may assume the couple is with discussing it with you.

[Anonymous]

Part of a lesbian couple here. My partner wants to carry, I do not. We’ve been struggling getting pregnant, and one of my friends asked me if we’ve considered adoption. It made me want to cry, even though before we started all of this (IVF etc etc), adoption seemed like a great option. And that was coming from one of my best friends. Not someone I didn’t really know. It made me realize that offering infertility solutions (obvious or not) can be potentially very painful to hear when you have put so much time, effort, finances and emotional energy into having a biologically related child (in my case, a child related to my wife). So I would suggest giving this woman some grace. Your suggestion was not the same as a hetero couple getting a surrogate but it was probably not something she wanted to hear and particularly painful and insensitive if she really really wants to carry a biological child. So she lashed out with the first thing she could think of. That’s my guess of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You really think that hadn't already occurred to her? Did she strike you as particularly stupid? Do you like it when acquaintances ask you why you don't just adopt? It was dumb and insensitive to say that as you didn't know anything about her situation and why she and her partner had decided not to do that.

+1