Surname change after adoption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A six year old cannot fully comprehend what it means to change his name. Keep his name as-is. When he is a late teen or at 18, he can elect to change it then if he wants.

This.

disagree. He knows he has a bio dad who died. He knows this new man wants to be his dad and raise help raise him and be part of his family. It’s sweet he wants to change his name to new Dad.

But it doesn't sound like he "wants" to necessarily, it sounds like he was asked and he didn't say no.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yes, my son wants to be adopted and loves his new dad. He has no opinion on his name change however - at least not yet. He likes that his new Dad’s name is shorter and will take less time to write!

As I said, if my son doesn’t take my new husband’s name I won’t either. We left the door open to possibly having another child together but right now neither wants another.

[Anonymous]

OP again. And yes, if my son and I take my new husband’s name, I will make his biological father’s last name (which is his current last name) his middle name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another outlier but I say all take the same name - the new husband’s/new father’s name and be a family. It would be different if OP kept her own name or the boy remembered his father. As far as the little boy is concerned, this is his first father and he’s going to be adopted by him so it’s more thank a step-dad’s name.

This is one of the few times I think names matter.

+1 When I was 7, my best friend was in the same situation as your son. Her, her brother, and their mom all had the new Dad's last name and she called him Dad. 6yos are incredibly adaptable and resilient.

[Anonymous]

My vote is to change his name (and yours) to your new husband’s/dad’s last name. And I am a woman who’s kept her name while my kids have my husbands name. Your creating a new family and your boy is going to have a dad for the first time. Make it a big deal and make it special.

We’re in Los Angeles so it might be different where you live but going to the courthouse and signing the final adoption papers is a joyful big deal. LA devoted one day a month to adoptions and no other business so the waiting room is also joy-filled and festive with family and friends. Adding his new dad’s name to his on this day would be lovely!!

All the best, OP!

[Anonymous]

His biological father is still his dad in this situation and just pretending he doesn’t exist is a bad idea. Do a double last name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His biological father is still his dad in this situation and just pretending he doesn’t exist is a bad idea. Do a double last name.

OP here. No one is or has ever pretended my son’s father and the first love of my life never existed!!! We all, including my fiancée, talk about him all the time and we have photos of him around our house. I loved my first husband dearly and was decades by his sudden death a month before I gave birth to my son. My son looks so much like him and probably always will.

We’ll all take my new husband’s name as a sign of a new beginning (if we do it) and my son’s first living father. We want to be a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His biological father is still his dad in this situation and just pretending he doesn’t exist is a bad idea. Do a double last name.

His biological father actually doesn’t exist, PP. He’s been dead for six years. The boy never met him. It does not sound like OP is pretending he never existed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His biological father is still his dad in this situation and just pretending he doesn’t exist is a bad idea. Do a double last name.

Doesn’t dead mean not existing anymore?

[Anonymous]

All of our adopted children had the last names of their biological parents before we adopted them. I honestly don’t see how this is different. But either choice is fine, OP. I’m just voting for all taking your new husband’s name at the adoption (not the wedding).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of our adopted children had the last names of their biological parents before we adopted them. I honestly don’t see how this is different. But either choice is fine, OP. I’m just voting for all taking your new husband’s name at the adoption (not the wedding).

+1. Did anyone here who adopted a child keep the child’s biological father’s last name? I know we didn’t when we adopted our girls from China. They both have our Irish last name!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of our adopted children had the last names of their biological parents before we adopted them. I honestly don’t see how this is different. But either choice is fine, OP. I’m just voting for all taking your new husband’s name at the adoption (not the wedding).

+1. Did anyone here who adopted a child keep the child’s biological father’s last name? I know we didn’t when we adopted our girls from China. They both have our Irish last name!

This is an adoption of an older child. We kept the first and middle name and changed the last name. This is a step parent adoption. It’s too bad you took away all references to their culture and past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His biological father is still his dad in this situation and just pretending he doesn’t exist is a bad idea. Do a double last name.

Doesn’t dead mean not existing anymore?

He existed and still a part of who this child is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His biological father is still his dad in this situation and just pretending he doesn’t exist is a bad idea. Do a double last name.

OP here. No one is or has ever pretended my son’s father and the first love of my life never existed!!! We all, including my fiancée, talk about him all the time and we have photos of him around our house. I loved my first husband dearly and was decades by his sudden death a month before I gave birth to my son. My son looks so much like him and probably always will.

We’ll all take my new husband’s name as a sign of a new beginning (if we do it) and my son’s first living father. We want to be a family.

You are a family regardless of adoption. Use dads name as a double middle or double last name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of our adopted children had the last names of their biological parents before we adopted them. I honestly don’t see how this is different. But either choice is fine, OP. I’m just voting for all taking your new husband’s name at the adoption (not the wedding).

+1. Did anyone here who adopted a child keep the child’s biological father’s last name? I know we didn’t when we adopted our girls from China. They both have our Irish last name!

This is an adoption of an older child. We kept the first and middle name and changed the last name. This is a step parent adoption. It’s too bad you took away all references to their culture and past.

What are you babbling about? We kept their first names and last names as middle names. Their last name is Irish.