Is it ever okay to tease or make fun of something for their appearance?

[Anonymous]

IMO, no. But evidently, making fun of boys and men for being short is completely acceptable. It seems to be the last, or among the last, categories of physical appearance that is not off limits. Having an 18 year old son who is 5'5" and hearing what people say to him on a daily basis breaks my heart. He knows that he could never come back with a criticism about their appearance or they'd lose their minds.

[Anonymous]

I have two rules:

1. It’s okay to laugh with somebody but probably not at somebody

2. Punch up, now down. If you’re wealthy and privileged, don’t make fun of those less privileged than you. If you’re a regular Joe, Trump”s appearance is fair game. I think people should be cautious about making fun of womens’ appearance. Hillary’s pantsuits fine, but her wrinkles? I don’t like the idea that women should have to be hot their entire lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Generally it is not ok to insult people because of their appearance. There are limited contexts where it is acceptable is when responding to people who are acting tone deaf, hypocritical or creepy

1. They wear black face to a costume party
2. They are clinically obese old men insulting young women for being overweight (President 45 did it regularly)
3. They are white or white passing claiming to have black or Native American heritage in order to boost college admission prospects designed to help those who have faced racial discrimination.
4. Old men in Speedo’s at the beach or pool ogling young women/ teens (I have never seen it myself but old women ogling young men would qualify. Have seen old men leering at young women and making lewd comments many times)
5. Men in public spaces videoing women without their consent and refusing to stop after being asked (again women filming men without consent would also qualify but I have never seen that happen, or heard young people complain about that).

+1
Context is everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IMO, no. But evidently, making fun of boys and men for being short is completely acceptable. It seems to be the last, or among the last, categories of physical appearance that is not off limits. Having an 18 year old son who is 5'5" and hearing what people say to him on a daily basis breaks my heart. He knows that he could never come back with a criticism about their appearance or they'd lose their minds.

I’m know you’re not looking for advice, but I feel like there are two ways short men can respond to this: they can have a sense of humor about it and find confidence in other ways, or they can wallow in shame and sometimes get angry at the world (and often women) because of it. My dad is 5’6, my brother is 5’5, my husband is 5’7 and my son, though he is only nine, has always been the shortest in the class (except the year there was a Little Person in his class). And all my short guys are great! I know they have their moments of sensitivity about it, but everybody loves them, especially my brother and husband because they are really confident (not cocky) in who they are and have great personalities. They have never wanted for female attention.

It’s not fair, but I don’t worry about my son. I fully anticipate that he will respond to the prejudice with good humor instead of lashing out.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't this just translate into "Is it ever OK to intentionally hurt someone?"

If you want to hurt a person for some reason, and that reason is justifiable, then yes it is OK to make fun of their appearance.

[Anonymous]

No. Justify it or laugh it away all you want. There is nothing about making fun of someone’s appearance that is anything but unkind.

[Anonymous]

No Op
And I'd go further and say, watch out re: any sarcasm. That's a slippery slope. It's usually not a good look.

[Anonymous]

This is totally common and accepted in my circle of friends. But there are unspoken rules. Nothing that is traditionally sensitive (ugliness, fatness). One person gets made fun of for their long arms. My hair got incredibly long in pandemic and they call it my “Amish hair.” Teasing about big boobs reaching stripper proportions in pregnancy. Stuff like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Justify it or laugh it away all you want. There is nothing about making fun of someone’s appearance that is anything but unkind.

It should never be done unprovoked but sometime it is justified in terms of rebutting bad behavior with humor.

Also as pp noted, it can be fine between friends in lighthearted way as long as not mean.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend who used to joke about my appearance. It was really hurtful and I told her this, not in a dramatic way but just to say "it makes me feel bad when you talk about me like this, and I don't like feeling bad when I'm with my friends." She dug in really hard, claiming it was just a joke, that I misunderstood, etc. But it wasn't any of that. She was teasing me about my looks, it made me feel bad (I would say I'm an average about of vain, in that I do care about my looks but am not over-sensitive about them), she should have stopped. Her refusal to stop, and her refusal to acknowledge that my past hurt was justified, destroyed our friendship.

I think if you think it is okay under certain circumstances to make fun of someone for their appearance, you need to ask yourself what you would do if this person confronted you and asked you to stop. If you would, then I think probably you have a decent understanding of the limits of something like this. If you're response would be along the lines of "it's just a joke, get a sense of humor" I hate to be the one to break this to you, but you're a bully and you have some work to do on yourself.

[Anonymous]

i think the 30 minute rule makes sense. if someone is just ugly or has a big nose, you shouldn't make fun of them. if they have a ridiculous hair style, fair game.

something they can not easily change about themselves, why should they be made fun of for something like that. ridiculous choices, sure, go ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No Op
And I'd go further and say, watch out re: any sarcasm. That's a slippery slope. It's usually not a good look.

+1

[Anonymous]

Yes if it’s something they can control. For instance my family makes fun of each other’s morning bed head hair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think even making fun of trump’s appearance is not okay because it can hurt others. I see people make fun of his weight or his hair, but when you call someone fat as an insult, that adds to toxic attitudes about fat people in general. Even someone who also hates trump coujj oh d hear that and be reminded that people think their body is bad or worthy of ridicule.

There are lots of valid reasons to make fun of trump. Focusing on his appearance feels lazy and cheap.

Related: I know a man who claims to be a progressive feminist. But when talking about how much he dislikes conservatives, and especially conservative women, he will focus on their appearance. Criticizing weight, their clothes, makeup, or features. Every time I hear it, I think about how he probably thinks these things often about all kinds of women, because the insults are very vicious. But he thinks he can get away with saying it out loud if the woman he targets is a Trump voter or a Fox News host or something. I find it very revealing.

If your first thought when you think if someone you dislike is: fat/ugly/poorly dressed, you might want to ask yourself why. Is “fascist/racist/morally bankrupt/selfish/opportunist/willfully ignorant/etc.” not good enough for you? Why? What does this say about what you value in others?

Yes to all of this!!!

[Anonymous]

Trump yes, everyone else no.