Is He Married?

[Anonymous]

My friend has been dating a guy for a few months but no one in our group has met him yet because he's not available much on the weekends. He's a divorced dad of two kids (tweens) and his weekends are pretty much filled with "family stuff." They mostly get together on weekdays and until this past week he had never slept over. My friend has never been to his house (although she knows where he lives) because his kids "may be there" (they live "nearby" and so can come to his house whenever they want) and he doesn't want to introduce them until/unless the relationship becomes (more) serious. The kicker for me is that when he slept over this week, he came to her house in a minivan. When she asked him about it, he said that his car was in the shop so he borrowed his ex-wife's minivan rather than renting a car. This sounds suspicion to me (what's the ex-wife driving while his car is getting repaired?). My friend says my instincts are wrong because if he really were conniving then he could have just borrowed a buddy's car, taken Metro, or asked her to pick him up -- in other words, there's no reason for him to have made up the story about the minivan. Maybe. But nothing screams "married" to me as loud as a dude driving a minivan.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to call him on the weekends or have her clal him with an emergency and she needs him ASAP to help her.

If he says no.......

I say he is married or has a gf and your friend is just his fucky buddy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend has been dating a guy for a few months but no one in our group has met him yet because he's not available much on the weekends. He's a divorced dad of two kids (tweens) and his weekends are pretty much filled with "family stuff." They mostly get together on weekdays and until this past week he had never slept over. My friend has never been to his house (although she knows where he lives) because his kids "may be there" (they live "nearby" and so can come to his house whenever they want) and he doesn't want to introduce them until/unless the relationship becomes (more) serious. The kicker for me is that when he slept over this week, he came to her house in a minivan. When she asked him about it, he said that his car was in the shop so he borrowed his ex-wife's minivan rather than renting a car. This sounds suspicion to me (what's the ex-wife driving while his car is getting repaired?). My friend says my instincts are wrong because if he really were conniving then he could have just borrowed a buddy's car, taken Metro, or asked her to pick him up -- in other words, there's no reason for him to have made up the story about the minivan. Maybe. But nothing screams "married" to me as loud as a dude driving a minivan.

Honestly, he sounds married to me.

But it's not your business, so keep your mouth shut.

[Anonymous]

I bet the wife is out of town with the children, which is why he was able to spend the night and he stupidly drove the minivan.

[Anonymous]

I'd just watch his house for a little bit. If there is a wife, then it will be pretty clear fast.

If he is married, he is one stupid dude.

If he is divorced, he's a pretty good dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend has been dating a guy for a few months but no one in our group has met him yet because he's not available much on the weekends. He's a divorced dad of two kids (tweens) and his weekends are pretty much filled with "family stuff." They mostly get together on weekdays and until this past week he had never slept over. My friend has never been to his house (although she knows where he lives) because his kids "may be there" (they live "nearby" and so can come to his house whenever they want) and he doesn't want to introduce them until/unless the relationship becomes (more) serious. The kicker for me is that when he slept over this week, he came to her house in a minivan. When she asked him about it, he said that his car was in the shop so he borrowed his ex-wife's minivan rather than renting a car. This sounds suspicion to me (what's the ex-wife driving while his car is getting repaired?). My friend says my instincts are wrong because if he really were conniving then he could have just borrowed a buddy's car, taken Metro, or asked her to pick him up -- in other words, there's no reason for him to have made up the story about the minivan. Maybe. But nothing screams "married" to me as loud as a dude driving a minivan.

Honestly, he sounds married to me.

But it's not your business, so keep your mouth shut.

I feel like I've done my friend-duty by raising it -- which she dismissed -- so I'll be keeping my mouth shut and hopefully won't have bite my tongue to keep from saying "I told you so" if/when she comes crying to me that he is married.

[Anonymous]

Not necessarily. But divorce records are pretty easy to find online. Especially Maryland. She can google.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to place my bet on recently divorced Dad taking it slow, because he's a good father.

Smart DH's don't have affairs with single women who know where they live.... with promises of potentially getting serious..... for very long. Way, way too risky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd just watch his house for a little bit. If there is a wife, then it will be pretty clear fast.

If he is married, he is one stupid dude.

If he is divorced, he's a pretty good dad.

Which is really really really ironic.

14:10's advice is great if OP's friend wants a guy who'll abandon his kids because the new chickie needs something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to place my bet on recently divorced Dad taking it slow, because he's a good father.

Smart DH's don't have affairs with single women who know where they live.... with promises of potentially getting serious..... for very long. Way, way too risky.

This is true.

And recently divorced fathers are usually looking for some strange, not a new partner/commitment.

Whether or not he's still married or recently divorced, OP, your friend will not be having a long-term relationship with this guy.

[Anonymous]

"I'm going to place my bet on recently divorced Dad taking it slow, because he's a good father."

I'm a recently-divorced mom, and I wholehartedly agree.

[Anonymous]

his wife is at the beach house w/ the kids

[Anonymous]

What's his name?

[Anonymous]

Dunno, but this sounds like a scenario my friend was in years ago. Met a guy in a band when he was on the road, flew to NYC to hang out but never saw his place, stayed at a B&B, wrote letters (this was in the olden days of the 1990s), and then got a letter at one point from a woman claiming to be his wife telling her to get lost. He claimed it was a crazy ex but we all thought he was married.

[Anonymous]

The olden days of the 1990s... LOL.