Show of hands...

[Anonymous]

How many of you have left home for a short time (day, days, week) to escape a toxic pattern of arguing/fighting/irrational communication with a spouse that you otherwise feel pretty good about (these cycles being the exception)?

If so, how frequently have you done this temporary take off kind of thing? With or without kids.

[Anonymous]

I haven't done this (left to avoid exploding once for about 30 minutes).

I think what is far, far more common is for people to not leave in a rage, but to do this passively agressively. Working late, making plans with other friends to avoid coming home, etc. One marriage therapist I read about called it "the invisible divorce" and it's when you basically don't confront things but just start slowly avoiding each other or any real intimacy.

That is fairly common and easy to fall into. We certainly have and are finally getting help with it and addressing it.

[Anonymous]

I do this about every year. DH never does. But my sister is nearby and he doesn't have family close.

[Anonymous]

My MIL's biggest piece of advice to me during fights was "don't leave." Leaving the house for the afternoon - to take a drive, see a movie, just get away and cool off for a couple hours- is one thing, but if the leaving entails packing up and going for a few days, that's just setting the precedent of leaving. If you can leave when an argument gets too tough, you can leave when the marriage gets too tough. And it feels TERRIBLE to be the one left. I can't say it hasn't crossed my mind from time to time during bad fights to pack up my kid and jet off to my mom's or somewhere for a couple days. But I can never bring myself to do it. I just can't bring myself to make my husband sit there for a couple days wondering when and if I'm coming back.

[Anonymous]

No, never. Things haven't gotten that bad. I'm considering myself lucky right now ... !

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine this either, for our home.

However, every couple is different and I tend not to judge, so if this diffuses things and it works for you and is very infrequent, I say OK.

[FBO]

I was often deployed so the separation was not optional. It made it tough but it also allowed us each to be ourselves in some ways.

[Anonymous]

DanaAreTheseTheEggs wrote:I can't imagine this either, for our home.

However, every couple is different and I tend not to judge, so if this diffuses things and it works for you and is very infrequent, I say OK.

I have said this before, but I will say it again: DanaAreTheseTheEggs is best username evAR.

[Anonymous]

Did it twice for a couple of hours. Once before kids and once after kids (left him with the kids). Do not recommend it. Probably made problems worse and made DH feel (probably justly) I had one foot constantly out the door.

If you stay married long enough, I think as a couple you mellow out with age. Our arguments are not nearly as dramatic as they were in our 20's and 30's. I guess we have finally excepted each other for who we are, we know what each other expects from us, and we have given up on trying to change the other person. We have also had some life changing experiences that make you not sweat the small stuff anymore.

[Anonymous]

Never for a day or more. I would view that as the end. On the other hand, one o us leaves for 5-10 minutes every six months to a year.

[Anonymous]

"Leaving the house for the afternoon - to take a drive, see a movie, just get away and cool off for a couple hours- is one thing, but if the leaving entails packing up and going for a few days, that's just setting the precedent of leaving."

I completely agree.

[Anonymous]

I left for one day and night after I found out my husband had an emotional affair. It was the first and only time either of us has done something like that. I left because I literally could not control my emotions and I did not want to traumatize the kids. It was for the best and allowed me to cool off and develop a plan of action.