s/o Stop responding to threads asking for "success stories" with stories of m/c, failure, etc!

[Anonymous]

I see this time and time again on this forum and it drives me crazy. A poster will explicitly ask for success stories, clearly as a means to cheer themselves up and/or build some hope. Some people will respond with success stories but others - and I don't get this at all - will respond with a story of their miscarraige, or how their cycle failed, or how they have given up on TTC and are pursuing adoption. These are real examples of threads I read and it drives me crazy. There's a thread now where the OP asks for success stories of FET with 6d blasts, and sure enough, someone had to wiegh in with how her FET failed - twice.

Please, if you don't have a success story to share, don't respond to the thread. Don't hijack the thread as a means to share your own bad experience. How would you feel if it was you? Many of us on this forum are going through ART, have suffered repeated disappointments, losses, etc. We don't need reminders that bad things happen. So please, when you see a post asking for stories from women who've achieved successful pregnancy, don't wiegh in with how your cycle failed, or you got pregnant but then miscarried. It's so selfish.

Off my soap box now. Have a great evening.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry you're having trouble conceiving but other people's successes will not rub off on you and neither will their unfortunate circumstances. This is a public forum where people are free to post as they like as long as it is not offensive.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but to OP's point, it's not answering the question of the thread and not helpful to the thread.

Sadly, this is life. I wish I had a nickel for everytime I heard a sob story after I confided to someone I was going thru ART. Like, why tell me this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry you're having trouble conceiving but other people's successes will not rub off on you and neither will their unfortunate circumstances. This is a public forum where people are free to post as they like as long as it is not offensive.

No question that people are free to post as they like - and they do. I'm appealing to people's decency and respect for those on this forum who want success stories, clearly as a means to gain some positive perspectives. When someone asks for a success story why respond with your tale of woe? It actually IS offensive to hijack a thread and relay negative information when it has been expressly NOT asked for.

Lastly, this isn't about superstition or worry that others' experiences will "rub off" on me or others. It's that time and time again people seem more interested in responding about themselves and their situation, even if it runs counter to the whole point of the OP's post. If women and men can't use this forum as a means to gain support and positive feedback from a (presumably) supportive audience, then where else can they turn?

[Anonymous]

I don't mind negative stories, for as long as they are personal experiences. I don't like being patronized about old eggs, fertility decline and similar facts that I have been aware of for years.

[Anonymous]

Tangent, I'm sorry -- what does "s/o" mean? I've seen it several times but it's hard to figure it out because there's not enough context.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tangent, I'm sorry -- what does "s/o" mean? I've seen it several times but it's hard to figure it out because there's not enough context.

s/o = spinoff

[Anonymous]

Thank you!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tangent, I'm sorry -- what does "s/o" mean? I've seen it several times but it's hard to figure it out because there's not enough context.

s/o = spinoff

Such disrespect. The OP did not ask for posts asking questions. You really should only post exactly what the OP wants to hear and stick to what he or she wants to talk about.



OP. People help in the ways they see fit. Sometimes that's being hopeful but realistic. Trying to control a message board is like trying to control when you'll ovulate.

[Anonymous]

Such disrespect. The OP did not ask for posts asking questions. You really should only post exactly what the OP wants to hear and stick to what he or she wants to talk about.

Trying to control a message board is like trying to control when you'll ovulate.

Oh snap! Talk about putting it in terms we all can understand.

OP, I understand the urge to be "board police," but, suppress it. You'll be so much happier. If the OP of the thread that you referred to had a problem with the answers she was getting, let her handle it. The post that you're particularly exercised about seems quite benign, since the poster said she DID have a pregnancy with a 6 day blast. I know you feel she should have censored herself about the fact that she did not have success two other times, but she's just telling her full story.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am the person who wrote the post that you found so offensive, so I felt like I should respond. I respect your opinion, though I am bewildered at how aggressive your postings come across. Having been through the infertility rollercoaster myself, I understand the range of emotions that you go through. I hope that you can find success in your journey, and hopefully make peace with it at some point. I know that is not easy.

I thought about my post before I hit the submit button, because I, too, noticed that the OP in the other thread had asked for success stories. I have noticed that there are not that many people that have done transfers with day-6 embryos, so I always try to chime in to let people know that I got pregnant on a day-6 transfer. Frankly, I wanted to give an honest and complete picture of my experience with day-6 transfers, since I've now done three of them and only one has worked. For what it's worth, I've also been through a failed fresh IVF cycle and another failed FET, but with day-5 embryos. I did not include that information because it was not relevant to the OP's question, but it is very much part of my journey. I always appreciate the range of opinions and stories that you can find on this board. No two people have exactly the same journey, but I find it helpful to hear what other people have been through, because sometimes bits and pieces of their stories are relevant or helpful to me. And for some people (myself included) there is theraputic value in sharing the good and difficult parts of your story. Sure, the OP wanted to hear success stories (and I had one to share, which is why I posted), but why shouldn't I also share that I did not have success with a day-6 transfer? If I was in the OP's shoes, I would want to know.

This board has been a great place of support for my through my infertility struggle and I have always appreciated that the women on this thread (unlike some of the others on DCUM) have generally been very kind and supportive. Like I said before, I can understand your point and where you are coming from, but I think it is unfortunate that you feel the need to be so negative. Please know that my post came from a place of support and honesty and nothing more or less.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the OP. I don't understand the hijacking of threads of either when someone specifically states SUCCESS in the headline..if you don't have success to share, why are you reading and responding? All of us on this board have gone through either a loss, frustration, regret and disappointment. It was its the "TTC" and not the "expectant" moms. Sometimes you just hit a low point and really do want to read something positive. If you want to share your specific loss story, please start a new thread. Anyone can start any subject they want on a new thread!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am the person who wrote the post that you found so offensive, so I felt like I should respond. I respect your opinion, though I am bewildered at how aggressive your postings come across. Having been through the infertility rollercoaster myself, I understand the range of emotions that you go through. I hope that you can find success in your journey, and hopefully make peace with it at some point. I know that is not easy.

I thought about my post before I hit the submit button, because I, too, noticed that the OP in the other thread had asked for success stories. I have noticed that there are not that many people that have done transfers with day-6 embryos, so I always try to chime in to let people know that I got pregnant on a day-6 transfer. Frankly, I wanted to give an honest and complete picture of my experience with day-6 transfers, since I've now done three of them and only one has worked. For what it's worth, I've also been through a failed fresh IVF cycle and another failed FET, but with day-5 embryos. I did not include that information because it was not relevant to the OP's question, but it is very much part of my journey. I always appreciate the range of opinions and stories that you can find on this board. No two people have exactly the same journey, but I find it helpful to hear what other people have been through, because sometimes bits and pieces of their stories are relevant or helpful to me. And for some people (myself included) there is theraputic value in sharing the good and difficult parts of your story. Sure, the OP wanted to hear success stories (and I had one to share, which is why I posted), but why shouldn't I also share that I did not have success with a day-6 transfer? If I was in the OP's shoes, I would want to know.

This board has been a great place of support for my through my infertility struggle and I have always appreciated that the women on this thread (unlike some of the others on DCUM) have generally been very kind and supportive. Like I said before, I can understand your point and where you are coming from, but I think it is unfortunate that you feel the need to be so negative. Please know that my post came from a place of support and honesty and nothing more or less.

Well said. And to me - your story (1 successful and 2 failed FETs) is a success story.

[Anonymous]

I agree.

[Anonymous]

I'm with you, OP. It's very frustrating when you want a specific answer or support and you get waaaay more than you ask for in response.

That said, perhaps your tone has turned people off. But hey, I get it.