FIL cannot compliment my children....

[Anonymous]

My FIL is very smart, probably a genius, with all the eccentricities that come with it. My DH was never the brightest in school, a late bloomer that has done exceedingly well as an adult. DH's sister is a former star athlete, mediocre student. FIL has issues with DH, but he does recognize how well he is doing in life. SIL is put on a pedestal, and when she remembers to put the gas cap back on after a fill up, we all get told how smart and beautiful and wonderful she is. Ok, exaggeration, but pretty close to the truth. My eldest DD is in a very advanced math class. She is in 6th grade, and I have not been able to help her with her math homework for about two years . Now DH can no longer help her, and so he had the great idea of asking the man that made his childhood homework experiences a living hell. FIL is not only a genius, he is also a crappy teacher. I let it happen, because I am trying to be more inclusive of FIL. He actually did a good job, and DD understood her work. I thanked FIL and complimented his teaching method. I was surprised how patient he was to her. Of course when I commented on how advanced the math was for her age he just shrugged his shoulders and said "not really". Ok, thanks for letting us know FIL. What a punk. It is advanced, and even he had a hard time remembering how to do it. He said this right in front of her, and I saw how it hurt her feelings. He just can't admit that his son's children are more intelligent than his own kids were.

[Anonymous]

^^just to add, he does this with all of our kids. No matter what, he just can't say that they have done something well. His DD's kids can do no wrong, and he will go on for hours about how talented and special they are. It is really sad.

[Anonymous]

Stop playing the victim. You let your DD down by allowing her to be belittled by her grandfather. That is what concerns me, not his behavior. You can't control how he behaves!!!!! Stop the tutoring sessions and give her lots of positive encouragement to counteract the damage that has already been done.

[Anonymous]

I don't see anything wrong with what he said. So what if he doesn't think the math is advanced? Why is that validation important to you?

[Anonymous]

Personally, I'd jack my husband's ass for asking him to assist in the first place.

Next time, spring for a tutor.

Sorry your FIL is such a jerk. My own father is like this with all his kids. My brother was on his death bed, and my father still couldn't say he was proud of him.

[Anonymous]

Is he on the spectrum, does he do well socially?

[Anonymous]

Your mistake was in fishing for a compliment with your comment about how advanced the math was. FIL has shown you what he's like with his past words and actions, so did you actually expect him to agree? Stop seeking validation and approval from someone who won't or can't provide it.

Even though this tutoring session overall went well, in your shoes I wouldn't pursue them. He was patient this time, but a genius who doesn't suffer fools gladly does not a good tutor make. He could get really frustrated and impatient when she hits a roadblock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mistake was in fishing for a compliment with your comment about how advanced the math was. FIL has shown you what he's like with his past words and actions, so did you actually expect him to agree? Stop seeking validation and approval from someone who won't or can't provide it.

Even though this tutoring session overall went well, in your shoes I wouldn't pursue them. He was patient this time, but a genius who doesn't suffer fools gladly does not a good tutor make. He could get really frustrated and impatient when she hits a roadblock.

This. He did a good job of tutoring her, and isn't that good enough? It's clear he is smart but socially inept, and such people usually try to avoid problematic conversations. But if you draw them into one, they do something stupid because you force your hand. And recognizing that this sixth grade math is beyond you, you were taking a big risk by asking him to comment on it.

One thing that might help with your socially inept genius FIL. He may be paying compliments only to those he feels sorry for. His honesty may have more to do with the fact that he respects your child's capabilities and so he gives you what he considers to be the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mistake was in fishing for a compliment with your comment about how advanced the math was. FIL has shown you what he's like with his past words and actions, so did you actually expect him to agree? Stop seeking validation and approval from someone who won't or can't provide it.

Even though this tutoring session overall went well, in your shoes I wouldn't pursue them. He was patient this time, but a genius who doesn't suffer fools gladly does not a good tutor make. He could get really frustrated and impatient when she hits a roadblock.

This. He did a good job of tutoring her, and isn't that good enough? It's clear he is smart but socially inept, and such people usually try to avoid problematic conversations. But if you draw them into one, they do something stupid because you force your hand. And recognizing that this sixth grade math is beyond you, you were taking a big risk by asking him to comment on it.

One thing that might help with your socially inept genius FIL. He may be paying compliments only to those he feels sorry for. His honesty may have more to do with the fact that he respects your child's capabilities and so he gives you what he considers to be the truth.

Thanks, never thought about it this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I'd jack my husband's ass for asking him to assist in the first place.

Next time, spring for a tutor.

Sorry your FIL is such a jerk. My own father is like this with all his kids. My brother was on his death bed, and my father still couldn't say he was proud of him.

Yes, I agree with you in regards to my DH. We are getting a tutor. My FIL is like this all the time. Not just when it comes to math. My DD made him a beautiful gift for Christmas two years ago. She spent weeks on it, and all he could say was, "Thanks, you should see how your Aunt paints." It is pretty pathetic.

[Anonymous]

I am against asking relatives to help my kids, even though both my ILs are college professors. I'd rather hire a tutor than hear criticisms that my DDs are not advanced enough.

[Anonymous]

OP, if its any conciliation, MIL is not very smart and does not think much of herself - yet still can not bring herself to genuinely be happy for and/or compliment others. Its not you.

[Anonymous]

You fished for a compliment, and you got rejected. Sorry, but that was their little bonding time, it worked well, mission accomplished. Instead of complimenting him, you wanted your daughter complimented. Sorry, but what he said was not wrong. If that's how he felt, then so be it.

[Anonymous]

I thonk anytime you say "don't you think..." And finish it with your own opinion , your anger is totally unjustified towards the other person for not agreeing with you. Really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mistake was in fishing for a compliment with your comment about how advanced the math was. FIL has shown you what he's like with his past words and actions, so did you actually expect him to agree? Stop seeking validation and approval from someone who won't or can't provide it.

Even though this tutoring session overall went well, in your shoes I wouldn't pursue them. He was patient this time, but a genius who doesn't suffer fools gladly does not a good tutor make. He could get really frustrated and impatient when she hits a roadblock.

This. +1