This is what class rage feels like

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people I know who got art degrees went into teaching. None of them are 1% but they are financially better off than the author of this article due to other life choices, such as living in more affordable areas.

That's what I was tbinking - she should 1) move and 2) teach, but maybe she is holding on to some idea she will be saved by big break or rich spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people I know who got art degrees went into teaching. None of them are 1% but they are financially better off than the author of this article due to other life choices, such as living in more affordable areas.

That's what I was tbinking - she should 1) move and 2) teach, but maybe she is holding on to some idea she will be saved by big break or rich spouse

This is Carrie Bradshaw syndrome.

She identifies as a New Yorker, and she likely looks down on other cities.

I know people like this IRL. Interestingly, the post-pandemic crime wave coupled with shutdowns have prompted several of my pals to relocate. After just a few months in their new areas, they quickly realized they should have left long ago…they would have saved so much money and enjoyed an overall better quality of life.

[Anonymous]

To me the weird thing is that most colleges don't teach this stuff at all. There are no courses that talk about: If you do this career you will probably make in about this range, and this one will net you this range, and apartments in various cities will cost about this much, or maybe this much if you have roommates, and you will probably need about this much for food, and children and child care cost about this much.

I realize this is a gross oversimplification, but I never took a single class that taught even the broadest strokes of this. I had absolutely no idea. I went to college wanting to write, and then spent the next five years after graduation working weird publishing jobs in my hometown and college town before I realized "Oh, I will never make a comfortable amount of money doing this" at which point I went to law school. I was lucky I could still get a previous professor to write a recommendation.

I figured this out in my laterish twenties but I can see that if someone kept getting increasingly better jobs in NYC they would have stayed on that train longer than I did. And needless to say the legal field has its own problems but at least the pay is generally (though not always) better.

[Anonymous]

I moved here 25 years ago to marry my then-boyfriend. I had found a job and it was great. After I got married, my boss got really bitter that I could do things like buy a nice house and eat out. We aren’t wealthy but he earned double my salary.

My boss did her best to make life hard for me, including calling my husband a pig and a slob (she’d never met him) and denying vacation request after vacation request and eventually any sick days I requested (even with a dr note!). So the class rage sucks, and in this case it was imagined. My boss was bitter that I had a spouse and extra income. She was 300+ pounds and never married, died of a heart attack a few years later.

I also have a SIL who thinks she is from money. Her parents lived in a 1.3 million dollar house in Atlanta and she demands that everything be extravagant for her. It is very taxing on my brother. Our family cottage isn’t nice enough for her, food is never correct (her complaining at restaurants is so embarrassing!), and she insists that they take outrageously expensive vacations that my brother says he just can’t afford. My brother makes $60K. Only marry money if that money is going to pay for it’s demands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people I know who got art degrees went into teaching. None of them are 1% but they are financially better off than the author of this article due to other life choices, such as living in more affordable areas.

That's what I was tbinking - she should 1) move and 2) teach, but maybe she is holding on to some idea she will be saved by big break or rich spouse

This is Carrie Bradshaw syndrome.

She identifies as a New Yorker, and she likely looks down on other cities.

I know people like this IRL. Interestingly, the post-pandemic crime wave coupled with shutdowns have prompted several of my pals to relocate. After just a few months in their new areas, they quickly realized they should have left long ago…they would have saved so much money and enjoyed an overall better quality of life.

Yes! She is also victim of the "sunk cost fallacy" in which people go on losing and not changing course because they already invested so much. She concludes by writing: "But at the same time, I’ve worked so hard to get where I am — how can I quit now?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the point is that some people don't really understand who the world works until they've already made some bad choices. I feel like the people who are like "make better choices" are ignoring that if you don't know any better, that's actually not possible.

I feel a certain empathy for NYC publishing lady even though I made much more practical choices. I went to law school instead of getting an MFA (even though I very much wanted to major in English and try to make a career of writing/editing, I just knew I couldn't afford it). But I didn't do as well in law school as I hoped, graduated into a recession, never got a Big Law job or even an almost-Big Law job, and then struggled with work/life balance when I had a kid. I'm a lot better off than the woman who wrote that piece, but I still have a ton of debt, live in a tiny condo and can't afford to move, and feel a little stuck in a big city but lack professional options ins lower COL areas. And yes, I look at my "peers" who I went to school with who turned out to have a lot of resources I didn't have, including just a better understand and familiarity with this world I now live in, and family members who also understand it and could provide not just financial assistance but real guidance.

I wouldn't say I have class rage. But I do grow pretty disillusioned with people. I have no tolerance for listening to rich people complain, for starters. Happy to hang out, but if you want to whine about stuff I'm going to bow out. Rich people problems all sound dumb and entitled to me. I also feel like a lot of people take too much for granted. Help from family, the convenience of being able to throw money at problems, a sense of belonging in their industries, mentors, etc. Often it seems like they don't even recognize what an asset that stuff is. They want to be treated as though they 100% earned every bit of their wealth, but obviously luck and superior circumstances played a role. I know people who graduated well below me in my class but now probably make 10x my salary. It's not because they are smarter or worked harder.

Life is not fair. Everyone knows that. I do think it would be better for us all if we acknowledged it more often. I get weary of hearing wealthy people who got a leg up talk about the fairness of the system. It's not naive, it's manipulative.

I was one of those who was a LMC “Larla” from a small town. I guess I just don’t get how people could not “know better?” None of this is a secret. Doctors and lawyers and MBAs make more $$ than art history majors. People who make good grades in law school get better jobs than those who don’t. Once you’re out, biglaw job or not, you’ve got to prove yourself in the real world, and that involves hard work.

Life isn’t always fair. But it isn’t always unfair, either. It seems as though you take no responsibility for your own situation. Is it really so obvious that only “luck and superior circumstances” played a role in everyone else’s success? I don’t see how can you be so sure it’s “not because they are smarter or worked harder?” It seems to me you’re looking at a few fringe cases of people who were born privileged and using those to excuse your own lack of success.

I grow disillusioned with people who look at others who have worked their tail off to get where they are, only to be told that they were just “lucky.”

[Anonymous]

The author of OP’s article sounds exceptionally immature with a shallow intellectual capacity and childish emotions to boot. Her fixation on what she doesn’t have will always make her a bitter unhappy “raging” person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don’t hide the help. I am very clear with friends, so they know we aren’t wizards.
We inherited money for a very sad reason.
The money is not much consolation, but at least there is something good to come out of a bad situation.

As for the article… that lady is responsible for her circumstances. She could have made better choices.

Many others endure "very sad" or "bad situations", but without "something good" coming out of it in the form of money. Get over yourself; no one cares.

You sure sound like you care…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is rage toward people who majored in whatever the f%ck and now b1tch about it while the vast majority of us were mindful of career prospects and the col in nyc called?

The Germans must have a word for it 😂

[Anonymous]

At 09/06/2021 13:51, this could probably apply to most grad and PhD students and post-docs and associate professors thinking the professor and tenure track is still a thing rather than a distant memory. Of course, keeping highly educated but underpaid grad students on makes the economics work for today's universities even if it is at the expense of their careers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 09/06/2021 13:51, this could probably apply to most grad and PhD students and post-docs and associate professors thinking the professor and tenure track is still a thing rather than a distant memory. Of course, keeping highly educated but underpaid grad students on makes the economics work for today's universities even if it is at the expense of their careers.

I’m not in academia and I’m pretty sure that secret has been out for awhile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somebody should have counseled this lady before she chose this field in NYC. At least she should have reassessed every 5 years or so before she found herself there at 40. She is thinking too much about other people's money when she could have made better choices for herself. It sounds like she felt entitled to a NYC living. I mean, who does this to themselves for 20 years and then blames other people's money?

Here's how this happens. It's not ultra common, but it does happen, and it's not so simple as "make better choices". Because many of the choices are made before the person has the necessary info, and often they are working on information that is bad or very misleading:

- Larla grows up in rural or remote part of the country. Low cost of living, middle or working class parents who don't struggle a ton to make ends meet because low COL. Larla has pleasant childhood without a lot of class strife thanks to this.

- Larla is very good at school, and opportunities in this area are limited. It's not near a larger city. The area doesn't have a ton of arts, culture, or commerce. Larla very quickly develops interest in leaving area because of these limitations and because they are very successful academically, this starts to feel like a real possibility.

- Larla goes to college far away, a "good school" likely with some or a lot of merit aid. Larla's grades and test scores qualified her for school, but her admission probably has a lot to do with her - background too -- these schools like diversity and being from some remote place stands out.

- Maybe the school is in a big city, but maybe in little college town, but either way, winds up in a student population with people from much more cosmopolitan backgrounds. Some are wealthy, some are UMC, some might be MC or WC but from places with greater diversity (of people and experiences). This means everyone understands a lot more about how the world works than Larla, even the other kids on financial aid and who have to work. Larla is straight up naive.

- Larla makes friends, and her friends educate her a bit about the world. The problem is, they are naive too, because they don't even understand what they know. They explain stuff to Larla, but it overemphasizes the fairness of the system. They gloss over stuff like the value of family connections or the fact that they are from families that really, really support and emphasize higher education (something Larla's family probably doesn't value to the same degree because of very different environments and circumstances). Larla starts to think she's figuring things out, but she's only getting a very small part of the picture.

- Larla makes career choices, decides where to move after school, based on her naive assumptions coupled with a pretty incomplete explanation of the world gleaned from young people who are really still just figuring it out. What Larla could really use at this point is a parent or relative who can say "Whoa, wait -- some of these kids have trust funds. Some of them can live in their aunt's apartment while they intern. Some of them have parents who will will do anything to cover the cost of a graduate degree because it's important to them. You need to make different choices based on your specific situation. How about Philly instead of NYC? How about marketing instead of publishing? Maybe what you really want is to write -- get an ed degree, teach high school English, and write! Or pursue an academic degree but get used to living in midwestern college towns, which are at least cheap."

- So instead, Larla figures this out on her own over the course of a decade or so. It's revealed in fits and starts, and often she only learns a key piece of information after it's too late to do much with it (like that an MFA is treated as required in publishing, but has no actual value in terms of earning, something that should actually be a required release of info before anyone enrolls in an MFA program). She also gets deeper into a career and social circle that will simply reinforce her value system, making it harder and harder to pull herself out. She might contemplate moving to Chicago or Portland or Denver, but her NY friends will say "OMG no, I could never" and she's only 28 and her family doesn't understand her anymore either, so she holds onto those values even though they don't serve her.

It's a sucky thing. Yes, she was naive and stupid and made bad choices. But it's also kind of hard to blame her because she's kind of been thrown to the wolves. Her university probably should have offered her some kind of practical economic education, but that would require being honest about their student body and their funding and the value of their degree, so: no. Same with the MFA. Her friends are self-interested in believing that they earned their way (to a degree they may have, in other ways not). Also, Larla doesn't have a stereotypical hard luck upbringing. She's not from poverty, her parents have steady jobs, she had a nice childhood. The fact that it in no way prepared her for the life she is now leading doesn't concern anyone because she is a [almost certainly white] middle class lady with a fancy college degree. It's just that none of those things are really helping her right now and she'd have to go back in time, or totally upend her entire values system, to change it. It's what she should do, but it's understandable that she is struggling.

I feel really bad for people in this situation. This is why it helps to have savvy parents who get how the world works, why you are lucky to find mentors or honest friends who tell it like it is. It can save you. Some people never get that and they get stuck.

I wish I could give this a standing ovation. Bravo! You get it.

[Anonymous]

You know what’s crazy? As a woman, she can solve most of her problems just by marrying “well” (someone she loves who happens to make a lot of money or at least a professional salary).

I wonder why she has not gotten serious about this route.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know what’s crazy? As a woman, she can solve most of her problems just by marrying “well” (someone she loves who happens to make a lot of money or at least a professional salary).

I wonder why she has not gotten serious about this route.

Perhaps she has unrealistic expectations in that arena as well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know what’s crazy? As a woman, she can solve most of her problems just by marrying “well” (someone she loves who happens to make a lot of money or at least a professional salary).

I wonder why she has not gotten serious about this route.

Perhaps she has unrealistic expectations in that arena as well?

Or unattractive.